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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Question my best friend is choosing her bf over me.. - June 28th 2009, 10:23 AM

hey ppl, i dunno if this is in the right catagory but anyways, sorry its so long!
ok well iv been absolute best friends with this girl, we'll call her Gabby.
anyways, in 3rd year we were inseperable, we both liked the same guy but i was one of his closest friends, she told me she'd never ever go near him cos i was completely in love with him(seriously, even obsessed!)we'll call him jack, then after 3rd year i was made move school. we stayed best friends, txting EVERYDAY! then in 4th year she started going out with jack.. i was ok with it.. kinda.. then me an jack stopped being friends cos he was with her.. we still dont talk.. so anyways we kept txtin till the run up to exams which was fine, we really needed to study! we hadnt seen her in a few months, then all exams were over so i txt her as much as i could... she barely replied.. if i txt her she'd send one or two txts an then disappear.. i still try thou.. iv ben askin her to meet up but he says she's too busy an stuff.. thing is, she txts him all day everyday and meets up with him whenever she can! i mean she was actually my whole life! i couldn imagine life without her.. i cant believe she's doin this to me.. she's choosing him over me... after all he's done to her.. an iv never done anything to her..i have helped her with every single one of her problems.. iv done absoltely everything i can for her and to keep in contact with her.... i just dont understand it.. i was gonna txt her an get mad last nite but i decided against it.. please help.. what should i do? is she worth it if she's choosing him over me? SHE always told ME "bro's before ho's" an now look........ please please help!
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Re: my best friend is choosing her bf over me.. - June 29th 2009, 09:33 AM

Hey,

This happens sometimes and it is really sucky. I don't really know the best advice though.

I think you should try talking to her about it and really explaining everything to her; your concerns, your fears, your sadness, your anger, etc. She really may not realize she is doing it and once she does she might make an effort to stop doing it and start texting/hanging with you more.

If, after you talk to her she doesn't treat you any better, you should probably consider taking a break from the relationship because you don't deserve to be treated like that. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness and if she is not going to give you that that you should take a break until she can provide you with that type of friendship.

Hope this helped and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.


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Re: my best friend is choosing her bf over me.. - June 29th 2009, 08:53 PM

Hi Tasha,

No matter what, try not to take how your friend is acting personally. Sometimes people get really caught up in a relationship and start distancing themselves from their friends without realizing it. I don't think it is fair that she is putting in more of an effort to text that guy, but she probably doesn't know how much it has been affecting you.

I think you should put down the phone and get off of any kind of electronic communication with this friend. Try calling her up and meeting her in person to talk this through. Let her know that you really appreciate her friendship, but you don't like how distant she's been getting after she started a relationship with that guy. Just tell her that you understand that she is busy, but you would still like to hang out with her when she has time. She probably has no clue how much this is affecting how you feel and your friendship with her.

Communication is always important in a friendship, so try to keep it up as much as possible. Don't stay in touch with just messages. Being in contact either on the phone or in person is not something your friend can easily push aside.

I hope everything works out for you.

Nat.


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Re: my best friend is choosing her bf over me.. - June 29th 2009, 09:26 PM

Heya I'm goin through the same thing, if you ever wanna pm anytime feel free
Jo xxx
   
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Re: my best friend is choosing her bf over me.. - July 3rd 2009, 01:05 PM

Hello Tasha,
I went through something similar last year. My friend started going out with a guy and he was sort of possessive of her. He didn’t like her to hang around with her friends, he wanted her to be with him all the time. It got to the point where every time she came out with us he would start a problem for her so she just stopped coming with us or even talking to us.
The thing was however me and my friend still had contact through talking on the phone, texting each other and msn. I was there for her and when it ended with her boyfriend she came back to me. As I was the only one who had been through it with her. The rest of our friends had given up on her and went about their own lives. But she was a very close friend to me so I cared a lot about her and stayed there for her.

What I can tell you is be there for her...even though right now it seems like she doesn’t need you. You just get on with your own life for a while, spend time with other friends but if she ever needs to talk to anyone let her know that you are there for her at all times, any time she might need you. You will find that after a while she will come back to you.
And if things go wrong with her boyfriend, if you have been there for her she will turn back to you.


Hope this helps.
   
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