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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Hey Nikki! Offline
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July 8th 2009, 06:12 PM

I thought everything was going good- on July 4th, there was a parade and fair in my town. My best friend who I haven't seen in THREE years (she moved to Germany) came to visit me, I made up with two friends, and I met a new one- all in the same day. Also, the people who I thought were my enemies were at the fair, and they said Hi to me. Talk about a total reality flip!

As of now, I have no real enemies...except my dad.

Last night, he accused me of being an ungrateful, spoiled b*tch because I wouldn't take my Wii upstairs in the sunroom. It's been in the basement for years now, and I like keeping it down there because it's where my friends hang out at night. But, my dad's a hypocrite, and he messes up our rooms and everything and tells us to clean it. Because that's a girl's job, or something...biased, much?

Now, I had to move every single game up in the sunroom. I can't go down the basement anymore- it's my dad's room now. As soon as he comes home from work, everyone has to listen to him. He only works 8 hours a day, but he puts on an act about being tired.

He also takes his anger out on me, just because I'm a girl. According to him, he wouldn't have to waste money on me if I was a boy, because I would've been 'easier' to teach. I'm also a whore who has a secret life with some boyfriend, and that I *must* be doing drugs because I act quiet and depressed (I don't, really. I just like to stay inside somedays and relax.) to get attention. This is all because of my gender. He's even gone so low as to call my sister a b*tch on Valentine's Day, of all days, and never apologized.

Also, one morning, he tried to prevent me from using a straightener because it 'made me look terrible,' but I know that's a lie because everyone so far has liked it. He puts me down all the time, and I ask why he's doing this...in reply, he said "I'm a prick, so what?"

Now, I'm afraid of him more than ever. He sets out a list of jobs for me to wake up super-early and do. And if I don't do them, he'll send me to reform school. It's only me, my sister, my grandma, and my mom who have to jobs around the house- simply because we're girls, and that we have to clean and cook and everything while he sits down and watches TV all night. He does NOTHING to help us out. He also walks around giving me these wise-alec smirks and putting me down, saying I'll never be anything but a housemaid- I'm too emotional and sympathetic, and people like that, he says, are hopeless to teach.

I can't wait until college.


I'm tired of people always overlooking me simply because I don't have friend problems. I always have family problems instead!

Last edited by Strider; July 9th 2009 at 06:26 PM. Reason: Merging double post.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
CantBreathe! Offline
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Re: My dad... - July 9th 2009, 04:24 AM

i have that sam eproblem my dada doesnt do shit to help us and hes always judging everybody.

pm if you nneedf to talk

Those pretty faces make you stand out in a crowd<3
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Lost_Confused Offline
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Re: My dad... - July 9th 2009, 04:25 AM

I'm sorry!
Your dad sounds like a total jerk, no offence.
Is there anyone you could talk to about it? Anyone you could stay with to get away from him for a bit?
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Hey Nikki! Offline
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Re: My dad... - July 9th 2009, 06:12 PM

I would stay with a friend, but they all live too nearby. My parents would easily come and pick me up.

Is it me, or are all dads assholes nowadays??

Well, today I had another list of jobs...he said he'd have a job for me everyday this year, even in the school year. Do you know how much homework I'll have to deal with as it is?

Then there's the fact that he promises me things, and never gives me them. When I ask where they are, he calls me a pessimistic brat.

I think he has a tumor on his brain seriously...
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Strider Offline
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Re: My dad... - July 9th 2009, 07:11 PM

Hi Nikki,

Your dad is not just a 'prick' like he says, but also completely sexist. I don't think it is fair at all that he is treating you this way or saying the things he is. I'm surprised that you are able to tolerate it so well, and that your mom, sister, and grandmother even listen to him.

I think it might be a good idea to get your mom, sister, and grandmother together to talk about your dad's behavior when he is at work or out of the house. They are probably feeling the same way as you, having put up with the same kind of intolerance against their gender. Once you've gotten together and talked about how you feel, confront him as a group later about it. He is acting like a bully by picking on you all one by one, but as a group it sounds to me like four against one are pretty good odds stacked in your favour.

Talk to your mom about the reform school threats as well and make sure she is not on his side about it. It's not fair that he would send you away just because he thinks he can't teach you. In my opinion, he doesn't exactly sound like the best role model.

Stay strong and do your best to talk to him with your mom, sister, and grandma there to back you up. Put up with him as long as you have to and move out and go to college when you can.

If you ever want to talk or vent about it, feel free to PM me sometime. I'm always available to listen


PS: Fun science fact: the male is the one that passes on the gene that decides whether the child is male or female. Your dad is the one who made you and your sister female, and that's something he's got to live with

The great artists of our time are the ones who created something timeless. But it was never them defining it that way.
Everyone has a story. What's yours?
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My dad... - July 9th 2009, 07:47 PM

Thanks, Nat. This is the 2nd time you helped me out.

I've talked to my grandma, and she has to agree with me the most. Today my dad made me clean the bathroom downstairs, which is dirty because he is the one that uses it. My grandma helped me clean it, because he dirtied it up so much (like the sink and shower) that some parts just aren't cleanable and need bleach to get rid of.

He'll probably yell at me for not cleaning the shower (nothing helps) but oh well. Saturday, I'm getting out of the house to go to the pool, and I hope I'll be free that day.

Also, my dad's truck got towed yesterday and he had to pay $200 to get it back. Hah, he got payback...the only thing is that now, he's blaming it on the tower when it was his fault for leaving the truck there (he loves to play scapegoat) and he's taking his anger out on me. At least he has to PAY.
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My dad... - July 14th 2009, 10:17 AM

Nikki there really is no easy answer to your problem with your Dad, yeah he sounds a real pain but you're only real answer at the moment is to just have as little time with him as you can. Do want he says but limited you talking to the minimum. He may eventually want to know why you are so quiet and if you then explain your feelings he may change but don't expect to much. Plan for the future so you can move away as soon as possible.
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My dad... - July 14th 2009, 10:46 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your father. It can be tough sometimes when a family member gets to be controlling, because it's not like you can change who your family is right?

I too am in a situation where I have a parent that seem to be impossible to please. I know it can be hard at times, especially when he can be so gender-biased, and I don't think there is any immediate solution.

For now I think you should try to find a pattern with how he acts. You should find out what happens the most often to make him irritated, and then you should try to minimize those events. With people like your father (or my mother), you will likely not be able to prevent chaos completely, but you can minimize it by taking a few precautions. I know it can be a pain sometimes, but It can be a good idea to do something before he asks you to do it.

Lets say there is a small sink full of dishes that aren't clean. Lets say they would take 10 minutes to do. If he got mad about them being dirty he might lecture you for an hour. I know you might say something like, "He'll just find something else that isn't done, or he'll make a mess so that I have something to do." That statement could be true, but he'll probably still be in a better mood if stuff is done right?

Since I am going into the twelfth grade, I know that homework can be a challenge as well. I don't have easy classes, and I already have enough extra-curricular activities to fill my plate. Having problems at home definitely gets in the way sometimes, but again you should try to do all of your homework at the earliest possible time. This might mean you'll have no time to talk with friends during lunch, and you might have to put in a little extra effort during class, but any time to minimize your homework load should be taken advantage of.

The last thing I'm going to say is you should find a friend that you can trust to talk to about this kind of thing. I know I probably sound like a broken record, but it is important to vent sometimes. Whether you find somebody online to talk to, talk to a friend that's in your area or talk to a school councilor, that is up to you, but I really do recommend talking to somebody.

Anyways, I'm off to go clean my room because I can see a couple things out of order.
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My dad... - July 15th 2009, 05:57 PM

That last line made me inwardly smile.

My dad seems to be getting better. He hasn't made up a job list or exploded at me in a week. There are times when he say that I should cook everyone's meal every night, and clean up his tray and trash very time we go out to eat, but I ignore it and only talk to him when I need a ride to the pool or someplace else. Also, when I go with friends, he can't really pick on me.
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Pour the Teapot Offline
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Re: My dad... - July 15th 2009, 06:21 PM

i'm glad your dad is getting better, even if only a little bit. it's good that you're trying to avoid him, staying away may be the best case here. it is totally unfair that your dad treats you this way just because you're a girl. what does you mom think? can't you and your mom and grandma get an apartment or something away from your dad? PM me anytime, even if i give crappy advice.
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My dad... - July 16th 2009, 03:28 AM

I'd recommend getting out of the house as much as you can as well. It helps with staying sane, and you won't be there to make any more mess than there has to be made. If you're doing all you can do, then there's not really much more you can do except learn how to cope with the unfair workload. Learn how to work quickly without missing anything. Also if you can do something to prevent a larger mess from being made, go ahead and do it. This might include something simple like pre-rinsing the dishes, or even making any 'stickier' foods in a non-stick pan. Learning to do this now will greatly decrease the amount of time you have to spend on housework even when you move out, so why not eh?

I'm glad to hear that your dad is being a little more reasonable. While he is being reasonable, prepare for a day that could be chaotic, and then enjoy it as much as possible.

Being one of seven children, I was lucky enough to learn these things very young.
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My dad... - July 16th 2009, 04:05 AM

Originally Posted by Hey Nikki! View Post
Is it me, or are all dads assholes nowadays??
It's definately not you. I seriously don't know anyone who really likes their Dad (well, mine's not too bad, but we've had our bouts...)

The kind of advice I would give in this situation most likely is innapropriate, so just try to make yourself scarce around him, but feel free to PM me if you need to talk about it all or anything.
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