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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ScarletLetter Offline
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Name: Caycee
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: California

Posts: 9
Join Date: April 7th 2009

Family Problems are destroying friendships - July 23rd 2009, 10:25 PM

Well over the past few months, a lot of things have changed for me. My mom finally gave up her 10 year addiction to alcahol and prescription drugs. While she was on them, I had to become the mother of the house and cook and clean and help my younger siblings out. I did pretty good at managing it all during the day, but at night I would cry myself to sleep. I really haven't gotten to be a kid. I've been taking care of myself since I was 4. I taught myself to read, tie my shoes, do my laundry and groom myself. I've always been an independent person, and up until recently I've been okay being that way. Now my friendships are falling apart because they say that I don't have enough time for them. And to be honest...I don't. I am still trying to take care of my family and make my relationship with my boyfriend work out. He has been there for me through the hardest part of my life and doesn't ever make me feel like I've faulted. My friends on the other hand try to help me by telling me to ignore what's going on around me and live my life. Well, I can't ignore the problems because if I did my house would be destroyed, my animals would be dead, and my brother and sister would fail school. I really just don't know what to do anymore with my friends. I'm about to start my senior year and everything just seems to be screwing up except for my relationship with my boyfriend.


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Strider Offline
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Name: Nat
Age: 28
Gender: Female
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Join Date: January 19th 2009

Re: Family Problems are destroying friendships - July 23rd 2009, 11:11 PM

Hey Caycee,

You are such an incredibly strong person to have done all you have for your family. That must have taken so much from you, and I'm sure no one can even begin to realize how much effort you have put in. If no one else has already, I'm going to say a thank you for everything you have done for your family. You truly are a responsible, kind and caring person, and that is never wasted.

Now that your mom finally gave up her addiction, would she be able to do more things around the house and start taking care of your siblings? It's important that you still have time to be yourself and spend some time with your friends, and now that your mom is off of the drugs, she may be able to give you that kind of time. If you don't feel comfortable leaving your siblings for long, find nights when you are able to leave them, and maybe leave a list of things they need to do or what your mom needs to do. A few nights off a week is not asking very much from them, and it would give you some time with your friends and boyfriend.

Do you feel comfortable talking to your friends about your home situation? Maybe it would help clear things up if they knew exactly what was going on and your concerns for your siblings and your pets. They might not know the full extent of your responsibilities.

In a way, your friends do have a point, though. You do still need to find some time to enjoy yourself and live your life a bit too. I know that can be difficult, especially with your worries, but it is still important for you to be happy. Try taking half an hour a night to yourself for doing what you want, or an hour or two a week for spending time with your friends. Try to do something fun and let your mom be a mom for once.

You are a strong person, but even strong people need to look after themselves. Your happiness is just as important as other peoples'.

Take care of yourself.

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