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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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We may have no choice... - July 29th 2009, 07:28 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This might be a bit triggering for some, but I don't know who else to turn to about something like this. Please don't think my boyfriend/I are bad people for considering this. My boyfriend & I have been together for about a year, and are planning on being together for a very long time. Our families have met, and they get along great. I love his parents, his parents love me... and vice versa for my parents and him. We already have plans for the future, & we are moving to Arkansas together when we have enough money saved up.

Here comes the sad part. We just recently found out that his father's disease has came back, and it's not looking too good for him right now. He's not to the extreme, but the illness is fatal. He's had it since he was in his 20's, and it went away for a while. Now it's recurring. Neither of his parents have grandchildren or anything, and they would love to. My boyfriend wants his dad to have that experience before he passes. To get to see his first grandchild. I know it seems selfish, I'm not really wanting to rush any of that. But I care very much for his dad, and I would love to give that to him. I would love to have children, I've always wanted to be a young mom. I know I'm a little young, almost 19; but I am ready to settle down because I love my spouse and his family so much.

My boyfriend is considering getting married within the next year and trying to concieve. He wants to do it before his father gets any worse. I really wish they could have cured it earlier in his life, but I'm praying to God that he gets better. What should I do? Is my boyfriend a bad person for wanting this?

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
savealife723 Offline
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Re: We may have no choice... - July 29th 2009, 07:54 PM

i don't think your boyfriend is bad for thinking this.
he is just trying to make his dad's wish before it is too late.
i'm sorry for his father's disease. ):

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and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.

Last edited by savealife723; July 29th 2009 at 07:55 PM. Reason: adding
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: We may have no choice... - July 29th 2009, 08:30 PM

If you plan on having kids someday, why not have them now?

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: We may have no choice... - July 30th 2009, 11:43 AM

It really depends on what you want to do. If you plan to go to colledge it would be too much with a child to take care of. Your boyfriend just wants to see his father happy. He's not a bad person for wanting this.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: We may have no choice... - July 31st 2009, 04:43 AM

I agree with you xHolyValorx. We both want children, I wouldn't mind at all having one now.

Andy Elf, I am taking a gap year before college. But I'm not going to a big college or anything. I'm going to do a 9 month program for nursing, I think it's a technical school. So that wouldn't be a problem if a baby was brought into it. We are both working, so we could save up. I have at least a year or more until I go to nursing school.

I just feel guilty about considering bringing another life into this just because of his dad's illness. I don't want people to think I'm being selfish & using that as a reason to conceive. It's just so awful... I'm scared for him.

Is it a big deal if someone has a child without being married first? My boyfriend seems to think it is. I think that if you really love someone & want to be with them for the rest of your life that it's not a problem at all. His mother did the same thing when she had her first child. Her dad was sick, and she chose to have my boyfriend.

  (#6 (permalink)) Old
emerson Offline
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Re: We may have no choice... - August 4th 2009, 10:28 PM

To be honest, I don't think you should try to have a child for this reason.
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Scribbles Offline
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Re: We may have no choice... - August 4th 2009, 10:39 PM

I agree with Beth.
As much as I can understand that you want to make your future father-in-law happy, you shouldn't have a child just for that reason.
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