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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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jbaby2 Offline
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my dad + my best friends mom = .... - August 2nd 2009, 07:33 AM

so my dad just recently divorced my mom and a few months later ended up dating my best friend of 6 years, mom. after they split, my mom stayed in our old house and my dad bought a little temporary condo. long story short, we moved in there and at his girlfriends house. yes i live with my best friend and my dad lives here too. i absolutely hate it. it was cool at the beginning and now our friendship is strained. every day we're sick of eachother and we are super irritated with eachother. shes horrible with communicating so even if i blow her off she wont say a word about it and that's annoying because she should tell me if i did something stupid. anyways, i want out of here before our relationship is completely ruined. we've been best friends for 6 years and we've never fought once. we're both mellow and laid back but theres so much tension now. i talk to my dad about this a lot and he always guilt trips me into staying here because "he had such a hard marriage and found real love" blah blah blah... so im basically stuck here and any time i argue getting out of here he makes me feel bad and i dont know how to confront him and tell him how i feel. am i being dramatic?
   
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Re: my dad + my best friends mom = .... - August 2nd 2009, 08:03 PM

i dont think youre being dramatic but i do think you need to get all cards on the table with your dad and best friend. even best friends need a break from each other once and a while


"A Sapling will bend, but over time, it becomes a mighty oak, with roots stretching far and wide. One tree can father a forest, but it is up to that tree to take root."- Hecate
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Re: my dad + my best friends mom = .... - August 4th 2009, 10:29 PM

Hey there,

I don't think you're being dramatic at all. I have a stepsister and we get along well most of the time, but our relationship gets strained every time my mom and her dad argue about something, or when we have to act like sisters when we really aren't. It can be a very weird and stressful situation.

In my opinion, it seems your father is being rather selfish. He's not taking your (or your friend's) feelings into account, when in fact they should be one of his priorities. Until he realizes this, however, his behavior will continue.

Something you can do that would possibly ease the tension is, as Josh said, get all your cards out on the table. Speak with your best friend, your dad, and your friend's mom. Let them know how you feel, and ask them to share how they feel. When speaking with them, try to use statements that are not accusatory ("I" statements.) Example: Instead of saying, "You keep bothering me!" you could say, "I feel awkward when you do such-and-such. I would rather you do such-and-such instead."

In the meantime, sit down with your friend and try to set up some respectful boundaries. Before you start talking, make sure that you have plenty of time to talk things out, and that you also have time to cool down afterward. Be honest. Let her know how you feel about the situation, and let her know what things annoy you (in a respectful way.) Ask for her opinion and her thoughts. Talk about whatever issues have been bothering you.

If all else fails, is it possible for you to live with your mother?

I'm sorry that you're having to make such a big adjustment. If you want to talk, feel free to PM me!
   
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