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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
L'espoir Offline
I can't get enough
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Name: Jen
Age: 25
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Location: England

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Join Date: January 7th 2009

The right thing? - August 10th 2009, 08:21 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I am considering making up with my dad and seeing him again. I know it can be bad for me because he gets angry a lot and stuff and it makes me so anxious and upset and I always ended up hurting myself after seeing him but i can't help myself. I always end up going back to him; I guess he knows that because he never even attempts to contact me.

I suppose I am just weak. He is my dad after all, I should be seeing him, I should want to be with him. I do, I do want to be with him, I want to be with the dad he used to be before he left. I know that will never happen though; he will be the same as he was before I stopped seeing him. I will end up apologizing for everything I supposedly did and he will not say sorry at all. I will accept the blame; every little bit of it; I will accept the dissaproving looks from his girlfriend and her kids; I will accept it all and then later I will go and cut it all away. Big punishment. Its all I deserve after all; right?

The thing that scares me the most though is the hitting. He hits his GF's children, he has hit me before, he has had my by my neck, he has kicked me, why would he not hit me again? I dont know. He doesnt hit my younger sister or his GF's oldest daughter (charlotte) but then again he really likes them. Especially Charlotte. Apparently Charlotte is so amazing and perfect. Yeah I bet she is; Im sure charlotte doesnt get panic attacks when she leaves the house, Im sure charlotte doesnt slash her wrists, Im sure charlotte doesnt cry all the time and punch herself, Im sure she doesnt need therapy or sound minds or a learning mentor or any of that stuff. So yeah, maybe she is better than me just like you think. I am your daughter though; does that not count for anything? Apparently not.

I do love my dad though. I just want to be with him. Is that really so bad?

PM // VM
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Katrina Offline
you only live once.
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Name: Katrina
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Location: New York.

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Re: The right thing? - August 12th 2009, 12:08 PM

Hey Jen.

Sorry to hear about all the conflicting emotions that you're going through with your dad - that all sounds very confusing.

I don't think it's okay for him to be physically abusing anyone whether it be you, your little sister, or the girlfriend's daughter. Does his girlfriend know about this? If you talked to her, do you think she would listen? I don't know, I know that you want to go back to your dad, but if you make it where it's "okay" for him to treat you like you're worth nothing [which is untrue] and then you go back to him anyway, I feel like he's never going to learn that that's just not okay for him to be treating you like that. I guess where that's where the issue comes in though, because you feel like if you don't make the 'first move,' he sure won't make it. Bah. x_x I guess it would be okay for you to see him, but I still really think that you should somehow let him know that it's not a good thing for him to treat you how he's been treating you.

You know, I don't know your dad and I don't know his relationship with you, but I think you're going to be able to make the right choice with this. Do what you feel as right, and I'm sure that things will work out for you. Best of luck with everything. <33

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