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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Popo Offline
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Age: 26
Gender: Male
Location: PA

Posts: 133
Join Date: January 6th 2009

My friends' lives are being ruined because of my decision. - August 20th 2009, 08:45 PM

Earlier, I posted about finding a conversation between my best friend and another friend flirting, and I couldn't decide what to do with it. Well, I talked it over with my closest friend, and I showed my best friend's girlfriend. At first, it seemed like the right thing to do, my best friend didn't hate me, it seemed he was getting what he deserved. He didn't deserve a second chance, he's had too many already. Now, however, him and his girlfriend are still together, which he doesn't deserve, and he says he'll never speak to the friend he was flirting with again. That friend is deeply infatuated with him, and now she's back to an extremely depressed state. I'm trying to help her, telling her to give it time and that she deserves to be happy, but she says she deserves rock bottom. I'm trying to do everything I can to help her, and I've only seen her in person once.

This is a small section of our conversation.

Her: to be honest, all I ever wanted was for him to stay in my life for good. as well as my other friends. I only push them away, so that if I can't handle life anymore, that they won't feel as attached
Popo: I've felt like that before, I've told friends to hate me, I've wanted everyone to think I had completely lost it, so I could end my own life without regrets. I understand how it feels.
Her: do you? do you know what it's like to feel unloved your entire life? do you know how it feels when you think you can finally be happy, just for your world to crash down? do you know how it feels to make one mistake, and then suddenly you can't ever talk to, or see, the person that means the most to you? I really, really don't think you, or anyone else can understand how I feel
(My own personal note: That last message slightly angered me, but...)
Popo: Yes, I know how it feels to be unloved my entire life, Yes, I know how it feels to think I could finally be happy, just for my world to crash, Yes, I know how it feels to make a mistake, and be forced to end all contact with that person. Don't think that you're alone in thought, there's over six billion people in the world.
Her: I'm not saying that people don't feel the same way. I was just venting about how I feel. I don't expect to be the only person that feels this way. I just don't think people can understand me...
Popo: Why do you think that? Do you think that everyone has a one track mind that can't possibly stop to chomprehend what you're going through? Because if you do, tell me, and I'll stop bothering you.
Her: no that's not what I think
Her: I don't let them understand me, which is my own fault. I don't want to get close to anyone anymore. I'm tired of getting hurt and hurting others...
(...I got over it about here)
Popo: Please, I promise you that there's no way you'd hurt me, unless you actually tried. Even then, I'm sure I could take it. And I also promise you that I make every effort to keep my friends from harm. I understand how you feel about being tired from getting hurt and hurting others, I know what it's like.

End section of conversation.

I finally got her to agree with me about one positive thing later, that she has made a difference in everyone she's met, no matter how small, they wouldn't be the same without her. And that even though she caused my best friend and his girlfriend pain, their relationship would probably become stronger in the end because of it.

But the thing is, I'm the entire reason any of this happened. I'm the reason she lost him, I'm the reason his girlfriend almost broke up with him, which would have caused him to kill himself, I'm the reason all hell has broken loose in my life. It's my fault if she hurts herself over this, which she already has, and it's my fault if she does anything worse.

And as for my best friend, he finally figured out that I'm the one that showed his girlfriend the conversation. I'm surprised she didn't break up with him. Inside, I'm disappointed that she didn't. Because he'll just keep getting a second chance, and never learning anything. I want to be angry at him, I want to hate him, but I won't allow it. Even though I've never been loved by anyone outside my family, even though if I made a mistake this big I'd be an outcast, even though he doesn't deserve it. I'm too forgiving.

And 14 days later, no response.. Brilliant. But what did I expect anyway?

Last edited by Popo; September 4th 2009 at 12:08 AM.
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decision, friends, lives, ruined

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