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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Name: Joe
Age: 26
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I don't want to fight... - September 22nd 2009, 03:29 AM

My best friend and I have recently been fighting a lot. We both it to death and both love each other but it always seems to happens. It seems like whenever one of us tries to help the other when we're down, it turns into a fight. I want to help her, and I know she wants to help me but this is getting ridiculous. I just want it to all stop. We never used to be like this.
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Re: I don't want to fight... - September 28th 2009, 01:01 PM

.. how do these fights start out??

maybe ur best friend doesnt like it when u give them advice, or when u try to understand...
.. this happens, sum ppl just dont like the form of support we give them, while it's exactly wat sum1 else would love to have.
i have this close frnd tht gets awfully mad if i get upset while she's telling me things, she thinks im pitying her. ... it's a good thing she told me (bcos i was feeling with her, i wasnt PITYING her!!!)

... why do the two of u fight?? find the reasons- avoid using those methods or let them know that they're misunderstanding ur position.
... and the same to you, let them know wat pisses u off, adn why. but be sure to hear their explanations!!

hope i helped!! good luck!!
   
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Re: I don't want to fight... - September 28th 2009, 10:13 PM

Hi Joe,

I think that it's great that you and your friend care so much about each other and really want to help when something goes wrong. I'm sorry it isn't turning out very well between you and that these arguments are starting up.

What are you usually talking about when these fights happen? Is it because of the advice each of you are giving? Maybe something you mean to say as a positive is being perceived as negative by your friend. I know miscommunications like that happen a lot. Or maybe you both need to just watch how you are speaking to one another. Sometimes when people want to help, they end up saying exactly what the other person should do, and that person ends up feeling defensive. Could something like that be happening with your friend?

I think you really need to talk to your friend to get to the bottom of this. You may need to take a break from the subjects that usually end up in arguments for a while in order to sort it out.

Maybe you could try getting another friend to talk with both of you about this as a kind of mediator. A second perspective may be a good way to understand what is going wrong.

Take care.
Nat.


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