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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
LucyLouWho Offline
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I want us to have our own place, but... - September 23rd 2009, 11:22 PM

My husband and I have been married since February and have since been living in the same house as my grandparents and mother. They've just recently added on two extra rooms for us, a bedroom and living room. We have our own outside door, but no bathroom or kitchen.

The addition to the house was just finished in August and they put quite a bit of time and money into it. So I feel really bad about this, but I can't help but wish that my husband and I had our own place to live, raise our son, and just be together as our own little family.

I want to move out within the next year or two. I'm hoping that my grandparents (who paid for and built the addition) don't get upset or hurt because I plan on moving out. The place they built us is great... It's nice and we aren't paying too much for rent, but it still doesn't feel like we're married and have a family of our own.

I love my family, but they come in to visit whenever they want. And even on the days that they don't, it still doesn't feel like we really have any privacy because if we need the bathroom or kitchen, we have to go out into their part of the house.

I know that when I tell them that we plan on moving out, they're going to be hurt and upset, but I don't want to waste any precious time that I might have with my husband and baby. I want it to be us who witnesses his "firsts" and who is taking care of him.

I just don't know what to do. I feel bad for them putting the time and money into where we're living now, but I also feel bad because my husband and I don't have our own space to live in.


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Pelios Offline
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Re: I want us to have our own place, but... - September 24th 2009, 05:45 AM

Hi I get what you are saying. Now you have a kid and you need your own space. Maybe your grandparents were helping you until you got on your feet, and now you are and its time to spread your wings and go. I don't think they will get mad I mean what did they think you were going to live there forever? Maybe they build the extra rooms for other things and you are using them, until you move.
They can rent the room to college students, or use them as storage.
But if you move remember your husband is now going to have to pay for everything. Are you ready to do that?
I don't really think I helped out alot but it is time for you to spread your wings
Good Luck!


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LucyLouWho Offline
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Re: I want us to have our own place, but... - September 24th 2009, 01:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mexico View Post
Hi I get what you are saying. Now you have a kid and you need your own space. Maybe your grandparents were helping you until you got on your feet, and now you are and its time to spread your wings and go. I don't think they will get mad I mean what did they think you were going to live there forever? Maybe they build the extra rooms for other things and you are using them, until you move.
They can rent the room to college students, or use them as storage.
But if you move remember your husband is now going to have to pay for everything. Are you ready to do that?
I don't really think I helped out alot but it is time for you to spread your wings
Good Luck!
Yeah, I know it would pretty much be on him to be sure everything is paid for and that we're taken care of. And I think we need that experience. Right now we've got my grandparents to fix any "oopsies" that we might make. But what happens when they're no longer able to fix things for us? We need to learn to take care of ourselves now.

I just want us to have a small apartment in town (we live about 15 minutes outside of town right now) so we can have our own space and learn to take care of ourselves.

And about them knowing that we're not going to live here forever... I doubt that. They pretty much built this little place for us to live in for awhile. 'Cause when they pass away, they're leaving this entire house to us, so I don't think they're planning on us moving out, honestly.

I don't want anyone to be hurt because I know that a lot of time and hard work was put into these rooms built for us, but we need our own space.

My mom has depression and bipolar disorder (among other health problems), so I don't really want to just leave her because she doesn't really get out much and it seems like having us here gives her something to do.

Gah... I just don't know.


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Pelios Offline
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Re: I want us to have our own place, but... - September 25th 2009, 05:31 AM

Sometimes you have to be "selfish" I'm sure your grandparents will be sad that you are moving but right now it's your time to bound as a couple, better as new parents you need a place for you a place were you can be you and you don't have to worry about who is in the other room or if you mom is going to come on into your room or your grandparents.


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