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AliciaFTW Offline
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(Long) I want to be a better daughter - October 18th 2009, 12:35 PM

So I recently turned 18 (October 3rd) And of course everyone is excited to be an "Adult". But since my birthday, I haven't enjoyed it at all. Me and my mom are VERY close. She's my best friend. And she has always tried her hardest to give me and my younger brother everything we ever wanted or needed. She ALWAYS puts me and my brother first. Now since I've turned 18, I've felt this kind of pressure to become completely independent. Find a job, pay for my own things, move out, etc. I haven't found a job yet (Though I've been looking for one for the last 4 or 5 months) and I'm not in highschool (I dropped out because of personal problems). I feel kind of just...useless..Like I'm dissappointing my mom. I always try to do things to make her happy. I'll give up something I want so she can buy something for herself. I spent all my birthday money on her. And I've always just tried to make things easier for her. But Lately I've felt like I'm not doing enough. And that I haven't done something for her to be able to think "I'm proud of what my daughter grew in to". I know she's proud of me, but I don't feel like I've earned it. She doesn't know I feel this way, Because I know if I tell her, she'll get very upset and feel like it's her fault. I just want her to be happy and I feel like if I could be a better daughter, then it would all be better..
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Re: (Long) I want to be a better daughter - October 26th 2009, 12:43 AM


I know how you feel, I just turned 18 as well (the same day as you actually) but my mom is the same way. I also feel like Im disappointing her, especially when she is telling me that I need to be doing certain things in my life that I can't do. But you are doing the best you can to make her happy and there really isnt anything more you can do. You are looking for a job, you are doing things for her and even though you dont feel you earned her proudness, I'm sure you have just because of the things you have been doing for her.
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Re: (Long) I want to be a better daughter - October 26th 2009, 09:47 PM

Hi Alicia,

It sounds like you are really trying your hardest to make your mom proud of you. You are looking for a job, which is a good idea to get some work experience since you aren't in school, and you do put your mom first. But your mom loves you for who you are. I know you feel pressured into doing more and becoming more responsible, and that does come with growing up, but it doesn't sound like your mom thinks any differently of you.

I'd say that the best things to do right now are to keep applying for jobs (re-apply and phone up the places to check up on whether they read your resume) and maybe looking into adult high school programs. You could always work in the day and take night school or online classes. It would probably benefit you in getting a job if you get the requirements to graduate, and if you take an online course, you could do it on your own time. With night school you would be with older, more responsible people as well, instead of any problem people you may have had to put up with in high school.

It sounds like you are a good daughter already. Keep being responsible, but that wont change how much your mom loves you.

Take care.

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Re: (Long) I want to be a better daughter - November 8th 2009, 03:44 AM

Hay, don't worry about it. I am 100% positive you mom apriciates what you are trying to do. In fact, the way I see it, I think you are a wonderful daughter! Keep up the great work. No matter what the law says, I think 18 is still a child. You don't become an adult just by turning 18. Just try your best. Your mom loves you no matter what and the fact that you are trying so hard means alot.
And I am sure everything will work out for you.

Good luck
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Re: (Long) I want to be a better daughter - November 8th 2009, 04:11 AM

It sounds like you not only want to be a better daughter, you want to be a better person. I'm getting that doing good by your mom is the big reason you want to do it, but all those things you're working on sound like positive steps for yourself, and not a favour you're doing for her.

I think it's really cool that you don't want to put pressure on her by telling her you want her to be proud of you... I guess the part that's tricky about that is that saying that is almost like asking for something. So maybe the trick is to "own" what you're saying.

Maybe it'd just be simpler to tell her how much you love her, and how you're trying hard but it hasn't always been easy... but that you appreciate how supportive she's been. Does that sound like it covers how you feel?

I also hope you love yourself, and take the time to appreciate how hard you've been trying as well. Even though it's been tough at times, you still seem to have this burning desire to make things better. I have the sneaking suspicion that you often feel like you're not doing enough even though you're able to list what you've sacrificed for her.

If I had to bet money, this is what I'd bet on: I think that your mom would say that she wants you to love yourself as much as she loves you.
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