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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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jaimelu Offline
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My baby sister hates me :( - November 19th 2009, 11:06 PM

my little sister is 3 years younger than me, shes now 14. we havent gotten along together at all really since we were like 1 and 4. im leavin in a few years and i dotn wanna leave my sister on a bad note...she claims every day that she hates me. she calls me names and hurts me purposefully, im broguth to the point where i think she means it-she really does hate me. alot of the time, im really nice to her, 9i mean, shes my littel sister for cryin out loud, but every tiem i do, she responds with insults and namecalling-alot of the time now i end up cryin for hours. i dotn no what to do. no matter what i do for her, she keeps hating me. ive treid talkin to her, tellin her how i feel, tellin my mom, my dad, nothin works. how can i fix things with my babay sister?
   
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Re: My baby sister hates me :( - November 20th 2009, 12:09 AM

Hi there,

I think you need to give your sister some time. She may not be listening to you or your parents because she wants to be in charge of her own life. Maybe she thinks that rebelling against you is a way to show her individuality, or it could be that she is experiencing some kind of stress at school that she can't handle so she is taking it out on people at home.

After you give your sister time to cool off, then I think you should talk to her again. Speak with her seriously about this and tell her that you want to make an effort to fix things between you two. Explain to her that you would like to make an agreement to treat one another properly because things have gotten out of hand. Maybe suggest to her that the two of you hang out some time and spend some time together.

If your sister doesn't come around after that, then talk to your parents again. They can't force your sister to feel differently about you, but as parents they should do their best to stop the name calling and bullying. I think it ultimately needs to be your sister's decision to shape up in the end, and that might just take some growing up.

I hope things go better between you and your sister.

Nat.


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Re: My baby sister hates me :( - December 3rd 2009, 06:21 AM

When I was fourteen, I spent a lot of time acting like a brat (although I never resorted to verbally abusing my sister.) It was because I was extremely insecure and couldn't cope with the pressures I was feeling.

Fourteen is a weird age, and it's probable that she's taking out all of her anger/confusion/frustration on you. Ask your parents for help with that. Let them know that you're worried about her because of the way she's behaving. See if you can get the family to sit down and discuss it, in a way that's calm and rational.

After that, the ball is in her court. Let her know that you're there if she wants to talk, but make it clear that she can't walk all over you.

Nat said it perfectly, actually: Your sister needs time to grow up.


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Re: My baby sister hates me :( - December 3rd 2009, 06:38 AM

Maybe there are some pressures she's having to deal with, that you don't know about. You should sit her down and talk about it (as unhelpful as it may sound). I remember being really moody whenever I had something on my mind. I still am occasionally and I do tell my sister I hate her... but my tone is never right and she knows that I'm never ever serious about it anyway. Perhaps your sister is going through similar moods. Even so, I suppose it would help to be patient and understanding. She will pull out of it eventually and I'm sure she doesn't hate you, despite her insistence.

Is there a possibility that she may be jealous of you? Not in a severe sense.. But more of a tiny envy? That sometimes gets in the way of sibling relationships. Even so, I'd talk to her about it.

Hope this helps


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Re: My baby sister hates me :( - December 3rd 2009, 01:00 PM

I do honestly think it's more her age than anything else. At 14, bratty and angry behavior isn't all that unusual. She's at that odd point of deciding what's right/wrong and if being friends with your siblings is 'cool' or not. If she continues to hassle you, tell her that you don't appreciate it and that you've done nothing to deserve her comments.

If one of her friends at school talks about treating their siblings this way, it's possible she's mirroring their behavior just to have something to talk about. Peer pressure is definitely around at 14 and it's harder to deal with at that particular age.

I would just give her some distance, keep trying to talk to her every now and then, even if it seems like she's not listening. If something goes wrong at school or she needs help, she'll probably come to you. Try not to let it get the best of you, she'll come around.
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