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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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xxJoolay Offline
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Unhappy Is it bad? - November 23rd 2009, 12:00 AM

Is it bad to be NOT family oriented? I mean I love my family and all, but yeah. Thanksgiving is coming up, and well my whole family is coming. I don't really enjoy these family gatherings because, my relatives are nosey, ask too many questions, tease me for fun. I know teasing isn't meant to be taken serious, but what they say about me just makes me feel bad. But I have to bear with it, when I really don't want too. Every holiday we gather for, I just DON'T LIKE IT. And my native language is Tagalog, and I'm the ONLY person in my family who doesn't understand, and they make fun of me for that too. They speak to me in Tagalog, KNOWING that I don't understand but they do it anyways. I'm usually a loud person, but I'm quiet around them because I don't feel very comfortable. I feel embarrased that I don't know my own native language, and I feel stupid. But one thing I know is that they talk shit about me in Tagalog. Because whenever I do something wrong, they just start talking. I tear up, but I keep it from falling because I just can't cry in front of them, they'll just call me a 'drama-queen' or 'weak'. So I do my best to keep it in, and not force myself to start crying. I just can't. I can't be weak, I don't want my family to talk.
   
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Re: Is it bad? - November 24th 2009, 08:12 PM

It's not necessarily bad to dislike family gatherings, holidays with my extened family are usually nightmarish as well, so I totally understand where you're coming from with not liking them. As long as you have contact with them and it's just the major gatherings you don't like then I'd say it's ok. If they're saying or doing things that you don't like or that hurt you more then you think they are intended to the best thing to do is to tell them.
   
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Re: Is it bad? - November 25th 2009, 11:14 PM

Hi Julie,

It isn't bad to not be family oriented. You are not doing anything wrong by not liking family gatherings, in fact I think that family gatherings can be a hassle and not much fun for most people. It all depends on the family, but it sounds like your family isn't trying to make the situation any better for you.

I'm sorry that they are teasing you like that. It doesn't sound very nice, and if it makes you feel that way then they should stop. Maybe you could talk to your parents separately to talk to them about it. Explain that you feel like you are being bullied and would rather them not bring the stuff up.

If you don't feel like talking to anyone about it, then bringing up other topics is probably the best way around it. Get your family talking about something else they are interested in or maybe pull out an activity you could all do, like a game. Maybe if they are busy with something they will have less time to tease you.

As for the Tagalog problem, maybe instead of letting them tease you about it ask them if they will teach it to you. Get them involved in helping you learn the language. If they are making fun of you for not knowing it, then the best thing they can do is actually help you to learn it. Maybe ask them what certain words mean or what certain things in English would be in Tagalog.

Are there any relatives at the family gatherings that don't bully you? If there are, then try spending some more time with them. Come up with your own conversations and let the rest of your relatives talk about something or someone else.

I'm sorry you are dreading family get togethers. I understand what that is like and I hope things start getting better for you.

Take care.
Nat.


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