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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Winx Offline
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My Dad Love My Little Sister More - December 2nd 2009, 11:07 PM

I've always had a close relationship with my dad, but lately he's been against me a lot. He is a whole different person around my little sister, who is 8, and is always telling her how talented and beautiful she is. He never tells me any of that stuff, and is always coming down on me about stuff that isn't my fault.

My parents both favor my sister, and if I say anything against her, I get in trouble. My mom always compares me and my brother (14) to her older siblings who were terribly mean to her growing up.

I feel so unloved...
   
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Re: My Dad Love My Little Sister More - December 2nd 2009, 11:28 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about how your parents are treating you. =( It must be very difficult, to not feel appreciated in your own home.

Have they always treated you this way? Or did it only start recently? Our relationships with our parents tend to change as we grow older... sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. As a teenager, you are no longer a little girl... you are expected to take on more responsibilities, and when you make a mistake, the consequences tend to be greater. On the other hand, you're not an adult yet, so you aren't fully independent, and still need your parents' help with certain tasks.

Perhaps they simply don't know how they should treat you, and because of this, they have begun to focus their attention on the younger sibling. They know how to deal with children, and they know how to deal with adults, but dealing with teenagers is probably a new experience for them.

If you don't feel comfortable enough with discussing this in person, why not write them a letter? Tell them how you feel, and what you want from them. Don't ACCUSE them, though... that will only put them on the defensive, and chances are you won't be able to make any progress in receiving better treatment from your parents.






   
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Re: My Dad Love My Little Sister More - December 6th 2009, 07:50 PM

Thanks. That helps a little. It just always seems like they think she's better, and it hurts/
   
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Re: My Dad Love My Little Sister More - December 7th 2009, 02:13 AM

For the record, I've moved your thread to Friends and Family.

I think Robin has given you some great advice on this situation, though. You're absolutely right - it's very hard to have a good relationship with your family when you're feeling the strain caused by you feeling as though they treat your younger sister better than you.

I'm really liking the idea of writing your parents a letter. Just try to use "I"-statements [essentially saying "Hey, I'm feeling like we're not really bonding much, and I miss you guys" rather than "you always treat my younger sister better than me." This will help you to remain calm AND will show them that you're approaching this in a mature way (which will add to your ethos immensely). It will also take the blame off of them, which can definitely be good in this situation.

Good luck.



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Re: My Dad Love My Little Sister More - December 7th 2009, 04:45 PM

tell your parents you think your being unfair, team up with your brother.
A good thing to day is "What makes me the same as aunt so and so, or uncle whats his name, I'm your kid."
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Re: My Dad Love My Little Sister More - December 9th 2009, 05:33 PM

Winx,

I agree with a lot of what Psy said. I would add the following counsel.

As a dad, I can tell you from experience that it is difficult to be "fair" in all situations. Don't be confused by that -- the love is the same and is immeasurable, but there are times when I'm trying to evaluate where my youngest is coming from and still (maybe sometimes wrongly) presuming innocence and my oldest will be corrected for a similar action. Do I love my oldest any less? Absolutely not! But, as Psy was saying, I have a higher expectation for him. And more than that, I realize that the older he gets, the fewer opportunities I have to impact and guide his heart. And the result of that (illegitimate) fear is almost a natural reaction of "putting him in his place" almost trying to force him back to the age of my youngest.

I can assure you of this, you're parents love you. They are a bit scared because you're only a couple of years away from a period of elongated independence. Sometimes parents try detaching themselves from older children in preparation for that child leaving the home. It's not right, but it's natural.

So, how do you handle it? Communicate!!! Ephesians 4:15 tells you to speak the truth in love. With a good attitude, and with your love for your parents driving you, tell them you feel that you all have drifted apart. Ask questions. Find out if they are seeing something that they are concerned about. Show them that even though you're getting older, you still value their counsel and help. That should result in their seeing that maybe they need to plug back into your life a little bit.

Just one more thought. I realize there are always two sides to the same story. Don't answer the following questions here, but answer them for yourself. What have I done to foster a closer relationship with mom and dad? What have I done that may have indicated I didn't want that relationship? How am I contributing to the problem and/or the solution? What exactly do I want from this situation? Am I looking simply to stay out of trouble or am I looking to restore what I believe to be a damaged relationship?

Let us know how your conversation with your parents go and, as always, if you need anything else.

Keiruso
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Re: My Dad Love My Little Sister More - December 9th 2009, 08:11 PM

hey,
it's always difficult having other siblings, and you might well feel that your parents love your little sister more, but i can assure you that that's untrue... i have an older brother who's ridiculously clever and a younger one as well - i often feel that my little brother is favoured over me, because he gets away with stuff, but in fact he is younger... talk to your parents - don't try to form a 'gang' with your brother. they'll understand - trust me.



Holly Grogan, my friend, died 16.09.2009.
Goodbye, Holly.
May your smile light up the face of heaven.

   
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Re: My Dad Love My Little Sister More - December 10th 2009, 04:54 PM

I believe it's part of what comes with being the oldest, especially when your sisters only 8 - when she grows up and isn't seen as "the baby" anymore things'll change. It's not that your parents don't love you - it's just "the baby" effect which lasts till teens & more expectations due to being older.
   
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