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Unhappy My F***ed up life! - December 14th 2009, 06:09 PM

Right, so you know when you go through quite a hard time but then suddenly everything seems ok for a bit before it goes back to being Sh*t all over again? Well life's been like that for me for ages and I'm getting sick of it!!

I think my mum read my diary. It's the only explanation. She's found out about how far I went with my ex (who i was trying to forget and block out those memories...mum not helping) and how ive smoked a bit and loads of other stuff in my like that I'm not exactly proud of. It's like my whole family hate me...it's hard to describe.

So she grounds me for 2 months, over christmas and new Year. So I have to spend the whole time wiht these people who hate me. I love my friends I really do, but they really aren't helping at the moment, I dont know, it's like sometimes I just feel really alone and on my own and start srying for no reason :s

And my boyfriend, well he's like the only one who can make me properly smile right now But he doesn't go to my school so I can't even see him! I miss him so badly it hurts :/ I don't know what to do. I don't eat much anymore, feel ugly and fat all the time, and feel weirdly unnattached to whats going on...It's creeping me out!

I don't know how to fix things. I have a text saved in my drafts which I'm terrified of sending to my mum which explains things but I don't know if I can do it.


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Re: My F***ed up life! - December 15th 2009, 09:17 AM

That sounds totally s**t (hug)
When I'm low on confidence, I try writing stuff. Just whatever's in your head, and if you go off on a tangent it's ok. It's a good release and can calm you down. It gives me the confidence to do everything that I need to do, especially face up to the idiots in my life.
It sounds scary, but the only way to overcome something is to confront it, so send the text to your mum. It won't get better by itself. I know people like it better when you talk face to face so then you can discuss everything, but if that's too scary then send the text. That way things will get better and on the off chance they don't, you can say that you tried.
Reassure your mum that the stuff you aren't proud of won't happen again, and that's all you can do. Hopefully your mum will talk to you, and then you can get over this
   
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Re: My F***ed up life! - December 18th 2009, 12:41 AM

Hi Erika,

It doesn't sound like what your mom did was fair at all! I wouldn't be surprised that she read your diary without asking because you are probably the only one in the position to say something about it to her and you know you didn't do that.

What I suggest you do is talk to your mom. You can send her the text first or write her a letter to help tell her exactly what's going on in your life right now and how you feel about the stuff she knows. If it's stuff you want to forget, then that is something you need to tell her and ask her to respect. Afterward, try talking to her face to face. It's important that you hear her side of it to and try to understand why she is feeling how she's feeling right now, and also her reasons behind grounding you. Maybe she doesn't like it that you kept all of those things that you wrote about in your diary from her and she wants to be a bigger part of your life.

Being grounded sucks, but try and keep in touch with your friends on the phone or through email. Maybe your parents will let up a bit on the holidays and let you see them.

I hope things get better for you.
Nat.


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