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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My Sister is driving me crazy! - January 8th 2010, 12:48 AM

My sister is starting to become more close to her friends, always wanting to go out all the time. I don't think that she really wants to hang out with "us" (family) anymore. I understand that she is old enough to do whatever she wants to, and she is in college now anyways, still living with our family. I sometimes tell myself to stop being like a parent and judging about where she's going and how much she has been lieing. My sister lies a lot, about her grades, "things" that she has, going out, and more. She only trusts me and tells me everything I need to know. Sometimes, I tell my parents about these things, and it just makes them mad. But the number one thing that I am so concerned about her is her friends and her lieing. Like the time our aunt called to ask about her grades. She started asking her if she still talks to her friends, and she said "only like once a week."
I wanted to just shout that she TALKS to them every single frickn day, but I don't, because I felt sorry for her at that time. Sometimes, I just get soo mad at her but other days, I feel sorry. And sometimes, I dont even know if I should tell our parents some things, like she has a phone (it got taken away from our aunt because she couldnt get into a UC and lied about her grades). It may seem like something little but if my parents found out about it, they would be VERY upset. I hate seeing my parents just yelling at her (when shes not there, of course) and telling me how stupid and lazy she is. My concern is her friends, one time she got drunk from going into some party and she told me about it and I thought to myself, WOW. I care about my sister very much and her friends are just changing her too much. She is starting to swear a lot and not able to control her angers or manners when speaking to mom. All she thinks about is her friends and if she can go out or not. Since it is her break right now, she goes out with her friends when my mom and dad works, and when I am at school. She tells me about it and stuff,
and when my mom comes back and my sister comes back (like an hour early before my mom came back) I feel bad because i know something that my mom doesnt, and it just kinda is "in" me all the time. One time I was even stupid enough to say "Pretend that you were a parent with kids, how would you feel?" She started getting like super pissed and was like "Wow, you just ruined my whole frikn day."
Everyday is just friends, friends, friends. I don't know, but maybe this is part of everyone's life. We all lied at one point in her life,
wanna go out all the time, etc. But she lies to much and her friends are just telling her to do stuff and shes just like "Yeah! ur right!" Or something like that, always listening to friends, not our parents. Its like her friends are her parents.
I hope that everything i said makes sense because I didn't proofread this :/ i just hope that our family will have a good future, my sister can get into some good school, and me? I guess to just make my family laugh.
   
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Re: My Sister is driving me crazy! - January 8th 2010, 06:12 PM

Sounds like a typical teenager to me. How old is your sister?

Granted, the lying isn't great, but being rebellious and stuff is really what teenagers do.


Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out,
And leave me here to bleed!
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be Anything but Ordinary please!
   
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Re: My Sister is driving me crazy! - January 9th 2010, 02:24 AM

It's a phase we all go through: the rebellious phase. Some of us lean more on the independent side, longing to be free of our parents and make our own decisions, while others simply want to go out and have fun while they "still can". I'd say the latter probably applies to your sister. It sounds like she just wants to be a crazy young adult and have a good time with her rowdy new friends. She's definitely not being responsible, but that's just how this phase of her life is going to be, and I'm afraid there's nothing you can do except learn to let go and accept that. Trust me, I know where you're coming from: my sister used to do that all the time until one day she finally left and moved out without bothering to say goodbye or anything--not that you should be afraid of yours doing that as well. Just be ready for whatever happens. She's going to live her life how she wants to, even if it kind of ruins what she has going so far. If your parents do get involved, things might work out for the better or the worse. Either way, they're not going to shove down her rebelliousness. It'll go naturally. Don't ever assume that she loves you or your family any less, though, no matter how different she's acting. She will grow up with time.

When you should really be concerned for your sister is if she starts getting involved in some heavy stuff--illegal drugs, violence, etc. If she tells you that someone she's friends with has been abusing her, or if she's been practicing really dangerous behaviour in general, I think you should tell your parents before it gets out of hand. Even though your sister is becoming and adult and should learn her lessons from experience now, there's a chance things might turn around if she gets help. I'm not entirely sure that telling them is the best thing, but if my sister started getting involved with that kind of stuff, I would've told. Just pay close attention to the things she tells you and make sure she isn't having a little too much fun, but don't worry so much about it if it's little things like getting drunk every once in awhile at a party.

I am very sorry that you have to go through this and that the situation is beyond your control. The thing that most rebellious teens entering adulthood don't see as easily is the way their behaviour and actions affect their families. All you can really do is keep a close eye on her and remind her that you love her. There's really no telling how long the phase will last, but whatever happens, remember that she's still your sister even if she changes. I hope I was able to help you.
   
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