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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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charmbraceletxo Offline
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SIck of being treated like a pre-adolescent... - January 10th 2010, 07:24 PM

I’m getting to the point at which I cannot stand living with (or even BEING around) my family. I’m currently 19 years old—I work part-time, go to college full-time (and consistently maintain a relatively high GPA), and do volunteer work (tutoring and whatnot). My dad (my mom is too passive to even get involved) treats me like a 16 year old child, and quite frankly, I can’t take it anymore. He treats every situation as though it were an episode from “Leave it to Beaver”—for instance, he recently reinstated my stupid curfew because he thinks that I have “no self-respect letting my boyfriend KEEP me out past 2:00am.” The ONLY reason that my boyfriend and I stayed out so late (only a few times throughout these past three weeks or so) is because it was winter break, and seeing as how he goes to school 40 minutes away, we were kind of making up for lost time. He accuses me of stupid *garbage*--for example, the other night, he accused me of stealing one of his beers, claiming that I might have taken it for my boyfriend (my boyfriend is Russian—and yes he drinks with his close friends, family, and me on occasion—but he’s not THAT hard up for liquor). Then he proceeded to tell me that he “knows” that I drink (which I do sometimes—and I’m responsible about it), and how it’s “illegal” and that I can’t pull anything over on him. Needless to say, I didn’t “steel” his beer, my God. I’m currently applying for USC (as a transfer student) and I’m not receiving any help from my family (they won’t even help me to drive—and yet, they take my 16 year old brother out driving when he doesn’t even have a permit and I do). I pay for everything myself (usually with the exception of my classes and books—for which I am thankful), contribute to my portion of the phone bill, and I walk to and from work, as well as take the bus to school…daily. I’m not complaining…but I fear that with the passage of time, my parents will still continue to treat me like a child (it’s as though they expect me to be responsible for myself, and yet, want to continue fabricating all of these ridiculous rules). By the time I’m 21, I’d honestly like to be treated as an adult—for example, I’d like to be able to stay with my boyfriend for a weekend without them threatening to kick me out and whatnot (hopefully I’ll have housing at whatever school I get into)…I can’t even stay with my boyfriend for a night because that’s “throwing it in [their] face.” Okay, let’s be realistic here, if I’m going to have sex with my boyfriend of now going on three years, doing so won’t require a night alone together in an apartment…needless to say, we have sex ALL the time and are very responsible about it.

Sigh. Sorry for the needlessly long rant…but what do you guys think?
   
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Re: SIck of being treated like a pre-adolescent... - January 11th 2010, 04:53 AM

I wish I could help you out, but I'm in exactly the same position as you. So, I second this post, and double the amount of begging for advice.


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You can make it through this. The clouds will not last forever.
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Re: SIck of being treated like a pre-adolescent... - January 11th 2010, 09:07 PM

YES! Pleasseee someone provide us with some sort of advice or guidance, LOL.
   
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Re: SIck of being treated like a pre-adolescent... - January 11th 2010, 09:34 PM

I'm afraid i'm repeating the last post ~ I'm in too similar aposition to you to really give beneficial advice!! Can I just ask though, are you the oldest child?? It can make things a LOT harder on us....


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Re: SIck of being treated like a pre-adolescent... - January 12th 2010, 08:46 PM

YES! Being the eldest child is definitely the worst. My dad constantly says that he doesn't want me being a "bad influence" on my siblings...which I think is interesting because, in truth, I'm almost 100% positive that their obviously directionless friends are much, much worse...
   
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Re: SIck of being treated like a pre-adolescent... - January 15th 2010, 02:36 AM

You guys need to find your armor, instead of going into battle naked. Some people can't be changed, but you can give them a piece of your mind.

Stop being afraid to argue, your parents' are not the only ones allowed to make decisions. People in todays society are too timid for whatever reason be it, if your father wants to threaten you - then treat him like a child since thats exactly how he's acting.

All I can say is, stand up for yourself and if nothing gets done - its time to move on and call backup from your government.
   
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Re: SIck of being treated like a pre-adolescent... - January 18th 2010, 02:44 AM

Don't argue with your parents. Because when you were a young toddler it was them that too care of you. Don't argue with them. Life is too precious to use any second arguing.

Instead talk to your father. Remember, he isn't setting that curfew so that he can control you. But because you will always be his child. And getting in past 2:00Am is late, and he just wants to help you. Talk to him and tell him that you are growing up. But even still you are very very young.
at is your curfew(that your father set) ?

Remember the time to be a full adult will come but right now you are still transitioning and part of you is still a young child. So just take it easy.

Last edited by Jacksonian; January 18th 2010 at 02:46 AM. Reason: addition
   
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Re: SIck of being treated like a pre-adolescent... - January 18th 2010, 02:52 AM

Have you done a lot to show them you're not a kid anymore?


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Re: SIck of being treated like a pre-adolescent... - January 18th 2010, 04:38 AM

As much it doesn't seem like it, to your parents, especially your father, you're their little girl and you always will be.
There are things you can (and should) certainly try, but until the accept that you're growing up and leaving home fairly soon, they are likely to continue treating you like this. I get treated similar ways at times when my parents get stressed (my father is usually the culprit) and I've seen it happen to friends of mine.
I suggest you try and show them how mature you are and that you can stand on your own two feet just fine without their advice or interference. Take responsibility and your own initiative as often as you can. If you feel something will go better doing it your way, not theirs, try it, if your way proves to be right, try and do it again. In time they will notice you're doing this and probably give you a hard time over it, but you will have to be defensive on the issue.
Explain that while you appreciate their help and advice (no matter how much you don't), you wanted to try it your way, but you've learned from it and you think that's the best way you can go through life - learning by your mistakes, remind them you can never be absolutely perfect in anyone's eyes, but as you go through life you'll experience more and learn from each experience. They may not react to it very nicely, but you if you do it defensively you may get a better response this way, rather than arguing. They need to notice you're being responsible, making your own decisions, learning from any mistakes etc. If you can show them that, it will start to help, but it won't be a smooth road, partly because you're the oldest, partly because parents can be stubborn!

I hope this helps.


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The best way to predict the future is to create it - Peter F. Drucker

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Nelson Mandela


   
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