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My mom's alcoholism... - May 29th 2010, 04:13 AM

My mom used to be in a really bad marriage.. She was with the guy for 15 years, I called him dad and everything. But he was bad for us. He hurt us in a lot of ways, mentally, physically, emotionally, all that. So my mom started drinking a lot to deal with it. Unfortunately, that caused even more problems, and split our already malfunctioning family even more that it already was.

Finally, we got away from it. It was great. My mom met a new guy, who loves us both and cares about us and treats us amazingly. My mom laid off the alcohol and things were finally GREAT again. This continued for over a year.

I started college in August, and when I came back on the occasional weekend and for Thanksgiving break.. my mom was drinking again. Not socially (although that's what she told me), but very heavily. I didn't say anything, since I wasn't living with her, but it still bothered me. Then Christmas break and spring break have gone, and summer has come, and I'm really seeing the effects of her alcoholism.

She's a mean person. She has no patience, and blows up about everything when she's been drinking. She screams and finds anything to get itno a fight about. It's getting so bad that her boyfriend has threatened to kick her out (and therefore me). Why is she ruining things for us again?

She's so mean. I don't want to be here. I hate dealing with her like this. She'll start drinking at home, then leave and not come back for 24 hours, because she's pissed that me and her boyfriend are mad. How do I make her stop??? How do I deal with this?


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Re: My mom's alcoholism... - May 29th 2010, 12:10 PM

There are three routes: pharmacological, psychotherapeutic or in-family talks. The first route is very successful but provides you are able to administer disulfuram, which you wouldn't easily get your hands on. If you want to know, disulfuram is an anti-buse, meaning it's a medication that is used to remove one's addiction to a substance by amplifying all the negative effects and down-playing all the positive ones.

Psychotherapeutic would be for both your mother and her "victims", as there are programs for each. In-family would simply be trying to address the problem. Since she was found to began after you returned from college, my guess is she has nobody in the house but herself and sadly, substances often are perceived as a way out of the loneliness and misery. Obviously you probably cannot afford to take her with you to live where you live so do the next best thing: use something like Skype to talk with her where she can see and hear you. Skype her daily or every other day and talk, let your friends talk to her so she can be part of your social life as she would have been in the past.

She is not purposely ruining things, they are happening because of her addiction that puts her in a not right state of mind. If you leave without helping her, unless she has the will in her or her boyfriend is very nice and patient, or you use Skype a lot, this probably will continue and get worse. You've got to get her off the alcohol and any other illegal substances or substances she's abusing.

When you and her boyfriend flare up and get angry at her, you're only shooting yourselves in the feet because you're only communicating anger to her, and she's only going to communicate anger back. Try to be calmer, understand she'll communicate only anger but let it roll because you know that's not the mother you know. Focus on weening her off the alcohol, don't suddenly dump all her booze.

Ideally, if it is that bad, get her into an alcohol addiction rehab program. She can begin to detoxify there rather than in a drunk room at the police department.
   
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