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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
captain_obvious Offline
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Name: Kyle
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should i think about meeting him? - June 11th 2010, 06:07 AM

I'm wasn't quite 100% sure where to put this

Growing up, I was never interested in meeting my dad. He never paid child support, visited me or my siblings when he had visitation rights. Also, he was a drug addict and an alcoholic as well. Pretty much, anything a deadbeat dad could do, he did it all.

I've always been very against meeting my dad because he was a deadbeat and also abused my mom as well. But the problem is that there's a teeny little part of me that wants to meet him because he is my dad. Also, I would want answers as to why he never bothered to me or my siblings as well. However, I think that he might just lie about it.

What's your take on my predicament?

"People simply disappeared, always during the night. Your name was removed from the registers, every record of everything you had ever done was wiped out, your one-time existence was denied and then forgotten. You were abolished, annihilated: vaporized was the usual word."

George Orwell

Last edited by captain_obvious; June 11th 2010 at 06:15 AM.
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Re: should i think about meeting him? - June 13th 2010, 01:31 AM

Well I think the whole drug addict and an alcoholic is the answer you looking for. If you want real reason does your mom know or any other family members that could tell you more about him then incase he lies?

Lissen if you meet him , thiers a chance your just going to be so much more dissopinted in him but I would say just go ahead & alteast meet him really. It's the only way you'll get over that urge.
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Re: should i think about meeting him? - June 13th 2010, 08:48 PM

I can't tell you what you should do because you know yourself and the situation a million times better than I do, but I can tell you what I would personally do in your situation. I would be far too curious about my father to not meet him. I would have similar questions as you and even if he lied about the answers I'd still like to see him acknowledge that he wasn't the best father, that he wasn't there for you. There are essentially two outcomes of meeting him.. either you realize he truly is a deadbeat who doesn't care and you can get some closure or you two start to build a relationship. Either way your questions are answered. If you don't go, you may continue to wonder about him and continue to have the urge to say these things to him and ask him these questions. Meeting him isn't going to be easy obviously but in the long run, it seems like it'd be easier because you can start to work on moving on (with or without him.)
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Re: should i think about meeting him? - June 16th 2010, 12:21 AM

If you want to then go ahead, just be careful.

I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
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Re: should i think about meeting him? - June 16th 2010, 12:55 AM

Hi Kyle,

I don't see anything wrong with meeting your dad, but don't do it with high expectations. Don't expect for the two of you to automatically click and for him to be willing to tell you everything, because that's the way it works in movies and books, not in real life. You two haven't known each other for all of your life, so it's probably going to be a bit awkward and you might not have a whole lot in common with him.

But at the same time, you may get the answers to the questions you have been wanting to ask him, and you may be able to build a relationship with him if you like the kind of person he is. At least, even if you don't end up remaining in contact with him, you'll know what he is like, and you'll know that you tried to make a connection with him.

So, there are pros and cons. Consider them. Personally, I'd go for it if I were you. I fear never knowing things than finding out and not liking what I know, if that makes sense. xD Whatever your decision is, I hope everything works out for you! Good luck.

A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts

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Re: should i think about meeting him? - June 16th 2010, 07:39 PM

Hey there Kyle.

I think that meeting your dad may be a good idea. It may help to give you some closure on the situation. It isn't easy to have all these unanswered questions, so meeting him will give you the answers. He may lie, and that might just confirm your dead beat theory. In which case, forget about him. You met him, you gave him a try, and he let you down.

I'm truly sorry for the problems your dad has caused your family and I do hope that whatever choice you decide to make will help you and your family move on.

Take Care.

Life is to short to put it off anymore
You gotta live it before itís too late
I canít turn that clock back around
On what youíre dreaming about
You better do it now, donít wait

Do something crazy and dumb, while your still young. <3

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