TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
A lost wolf
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
BlueWolf's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia, USA

Posts: 352
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 14th 2010

Unhappy Losing My Best Friend - July 4th 2010, 03:49 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This might be long just to warn everyone, but I partly need to vent it all out too.

I was lucky enough to have one of those... once in a lifetime best friends. We've been through hell and back together. We cried together, laughed together and claimed each other as family, not just friends. She was with me through my parent's abuse, and I was with her through the death of her grandmother, but now something else has occured that is ripping us apart. Firstly, I moved away about two years ago, and at first we kept close contact, always desperate to see one another. She's the ONLY person I trust and feel like I can tell anything too. It's like she's all I have. No other friends or family.

Anyway, her father had left her when she was born. He was also an alcoholic. Anyway, right after I moved he started wanting to have contact with her. He called her, wanted to see her. She went to see him and he asked her for forgiveness, but she told me she told him no. That she was furious that she grew up without a father and was often made fun of for it. I listened to her pain, and I was there. I went to see her, to comfort her. But suddenly, she stopped talking to me entirely, until I heard that her dad died. I finally talked to her, and she told me she wasn't ready for him to die. She was furious and hurt at the same time. She told me that she felt like she had lost apart of herself. She also told me, that we couldn't be best friends anymore because we had to move on.

A few months later, we were best friends again and she explained she was just hurt. I told her that I knew, and I just gave her space. She's never spoken of him since then. We talk about the normal stuff, and oddly enough she talks about more girly things which is unlike her. I know she's burrying herself in material items to try and fill herself up. I can see it. I can also tell in the words that she uses, in the look in her eyes, that she is dying. I finally brought it up to her last night and we really got into it. She snapped at me. I told her I hurt because I see that she is in pain and I would do anything to take it away from her. That I just wanted to help her. She told me that no one could understand, and I said that maybe not, but I DO understand pain if nothing else. She told me that yes, she has changed, and I told her that part of her spirit has died. She told me I would just have to get used to this change. With this change, she is uncomfortable with herself, and she is pushing me away and blocking me out.

A lot of people who were in chat last night know I cut for some reason. Well this was why. I hurt myself, for her pain. My dad had recently left me without notice, only telling me that I have hurt him so much. My mom, something similiar. Now, I fear that I am not helping her, but hurting her so much that she'll leave me. She's already leaving me. She's found a new friend whose had a similiar experience. She tells me I have to get over it, but I cannot. She's the only person I can trust, and I've lost her. I cut badly last night. Worse than ever before. Cuts ontop of cuts. Because all I do is cause pain, and for me to feel pain with her. To suffer with her. I've already tried talking to her, telling her that I was there for her no matter what and that I love her and miss her. I told her to be strong, and that if nothing else, I would at least be there to listen to her and hold her hand through everything like I always have. It's not enough.

Guys, I've been cutting everyday at least once, often several times a day. I'm running out of room and it's getting out of control. Things are piling up as you all probably know and I think with this turn of events I've had enough, and I've reached my limit.

What do I do? Should I keep trying to talk to her? What should I say? Should I give her space and leave her alone? Should I talk to her mom who I am close with? I gotta do something. I just can't lose her.


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
floatingangel Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
floatingangel's Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 308
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Losing My Best Friend - July 4th 2010, 06:18 PM

hey hun... *hugs* i think you're a wonderful friend and i know that you just want the best for your best friend, and you're worried...
you've to understand that she's grieving, perhaps of regret, perhaps she now feels that emptiness in her heart that she's trying to fill (with the material stuff). and by being there for her, you're already being an enormous help. give her some time, but always reassure her that you're there for her. if you're up to it, at a comfortable and safe place, ask her how's she's been feeling over her father's death. ask her to talk to you, promise you won't judge. but don't force her to if she doesn't want to..
and please don't hurt yourself because of this. you've to be strong in order to help someone else if not both of you will fall together. trust me in that. it's normal to feel her pain, and that's called compassion, but hurting yourself will not help. it may even hinder you from thinking properly about what to do for her.
talk to a teacher/ counsellor too. so that you'd be able to understand wat you're feeling better, and perhaps find ways to help you cope, and ways to help you help your best friend cope.
if your best friend and her mum has a close relationship, it's probably right to tell her that you're worried. her mum will probably have a great impact on her, and would've seen the things you've observed. so work with her mum. show your best friend that she is loved, and that she need not blame herself for anything, and that it's normal to grief and talk about it. (:



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
A lost wolf
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
BlueWolf's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia, USA

Posts: 352
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 14th 2010

Re: Losing My Best Friend - July 4th 2010, 11:52 PM

Wow, thank you so much! I want to do anything I can to help her, and I think you right. I ought to try and talk to her mom. She is close with her mom, and I am too. She's like my own mom too. I just wasn't sure, wondering if I'd overstep my boundries. I miss her so much. I'm thinking about going to visit her soon too. It might be good for the both of us.

Again, thank you for your advice. This really did help.


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
friend, friends loss death, losing

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.