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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy Moving away. - July 9th 2010, 01:51 AM

Ok, not too sure where to start with this, but basically i'll begin by telling you the situation. My mum works at my school, there turning it into an academy, so she's lost her job, bla bla bla..We have no family left down here in nuneaton, they're all in Bournemouth. Mum has wanted to move down to bournemouth for a while now and now that she's lost her job, she's using this as an excuse to move. She said to me that she's thought about the best for both of us. BOLLOCKS has she, my life is amazing right now, i'm all sorted for college where i am, i have some amazing freinds, perfect lifestyle! My life is literally fantastic as it is. I have lived here for 16 years and my whole life is in this place, all of the time recently i'm happy, apart from the dark of the fact i'm moving away soon looming over every move..

So what i was wondering, is what can i do? There is NO WAY im moving, thats for sure, so don't tell me that it will benefit me in the long run. I don't feel right asking freinds for somewhere to live, seeing as it will be for 2 whole years during the duration, and i'm too young to get a flat to myself yet. Im looking for a job now so i will have some source of income, i just really dont know what to do..

If it comes to the worst, which i know it will. I will run away on the day of travveling, and not come home. I will find places to sleep and hopefully this will make my mum realise how much she is tearing my life apart.
   
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Re: Moving away. - July 9th 2010, 02:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hot View Post
Ok, not too sure where to start with this, but basically i'll begin by telling you the situation. My mum works at my school, there turning it into an academy, so she's lost her job, bla bla bla..We have no family left down here in nuneaton, they're all in Bournemouth. Mum has wanted to move down to bournemouth for a while now and now that she's lost her job, she's using this as an excuse to move. She said to me that she's thought about the best for both of us. BOLLOCKS has she, my life is amazing right now, i'm all sorted for college where i am, i have some amazing freinds, perfect lifestyle! My life is literally fantastic as it is. I have lived here for 16 years and my whole life is in this place, all of the time recently i'm happy, apart from the dark of the fact i'm moving away soon looming over every move..

So what i was wondering, is what can i do? There is NO WAY im moving, thats for sure, so don't tell me that it will benefit me in the long run. I don't feel right asking freinds for somewhere to live, seeing as it will be for 2 whole years during the duration, and i'm too young to get a flat to myself yet. Im looking for a job now so i will have some source of income, i just really dont know what to do..

If it comes to the worst, which i know it will. I will run away on the day of travveling, and not come home. I will find places to sleep and hopefully this will make my mum realise how much she is tearing my life apart.
Running away doesn't seem to be the best of solutions. Why not talk to your mother and tell her how this will affect your future life. Either way, talking to her and asking her to hear you out is the best first way to finding a solution.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: Moving away. - July 9th 2010, 02:29 AM

thank you for your reply. I have already tried this, and there is no persuading her. The way she see's it is that we're moving, end of. Hence the running away solution..
   
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Re: Moving away. - July 9th 2010, 11:51 PM

First of all, welcome to TeenHelp! =) I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to reach out to us.

I know this isn't what you want to hear... but I'm going to say it anyway. Life isn't fair. You already know that, because your mom is losing her job for a reason that isn't her fault. There are many things we can control in life, such as how hard we study for exams and who we befriend... but there are also many things we can't control. We can either accept that and adapt as best we can, or we can fight it until there are absolutely no alternatives left.

I understand that you are upset right now, and I know how that feels. I had to move away from my friends when my parents divorced. I had to change schools the following year, and I felt resentment toward my parents for not staying married for my sake. Looking back now, I realize just how selfish that sounds... but at the time, I couldn't (or wouldn't) see things from my parents' point-of-view. I refused to acknowledge how difficult of a situation they were in, both financially and emotionally. All I could think about was my own future, and how difficult it would be to start over.

It may seem like your mother isn't trying everything within her power to make things work... but I can assure you that she really does have your best interests in mind. Yes, moving away will be difficult for you... but staying will ultimately be even harder. Your mother IS your primary caregiver, and she needs a steady source of income. She doesn't have that right now, and she probably doesn't know when she'll be able to have that again. She could start applying for jobs near your school... but she might have to wait MONTHS before finding out whether or not she's been accepted for a position. By then, your family's savings will either run out or be dangerously low, and you may even be forced to leave your place of residence.

Living with extended family members will make things much easier for the time being. Your mother won't have to pay rent if she stays in a relative's house or apartment, and she can keep looking for work in the meantime, both near your old and new schools. She can rely on aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc. for financial and emotional support... and so can you. In the end, you'll both continue to have a supportive network of people. If you were to stay in your current place of residence, however, your mother would not have that support. YOU would, but SHE wouldn't... and the negative impact that would have on your mother would ultimately trickle down to affect you.

Right now, you need to stick together as a family. Running away won't solve your problem. If you still want to look for work, in order to supplement your family's income, then I think that's a great idea; however, there's no way it would be enough to allow you to live on your own (and as you already stated, it would be impossible for you to sign a lease anyway). Living with friends could buy you some time... but it's not a permanent solution, and eventually, you'd have to move anyway.

I'm sure you're aware of the stages of grief. There's denial, anger, bargaining, etc. That's what you're doing right now... and it's okay! But sooner or later, you need to accept what's happening, and be strong, both for yourself and for your mother. This isn't easy for her, either. You don't have to fight this alone... the two of you can work together in order to "re-build" your lives. Many people have to do that at some point, and believe me, it all works out in the end. It certainly did for me. =)

You're welcomed to PM me anytime if you'd like to keep talking. I wish you all the best!





   
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Re: Moving away. - July 10th 2010, 02:06 AM

How far away is this place? I'm not going to tell you that it will benefit you in the long run, because it won't completely benefit you. About 7 months ago I met a guy who lived 40 miles (about 65km) from my hometown. I know it doesn't sound like a long distance, but it is when I don't have a car or anything to go visit my friends. I moved up here to live with him and have only been back home to my hometown twice, but the good thing is; I met a lot of awesome people here who are also fun to hang out with.
I lived in my hometown for 18 years before moving away, so I'm getting the jist of what you're feeling and saying.
Running away is never the answer. Just try to suck it up, because either way, you're going to end up needing to move with her as much as I hate to say it. If she wants to move, you need to deal with it, because usually the parent's decision is also in the best interest of the child that comes with the package, too.
I hope I helped. Feel free to PM me if you'd like.



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