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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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MadPoet Offline
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Are you independent? - July 11th 2010, 01:10 AM

I have a huge problem with being too dependent on other people. Without friends and family, I'd probably never be happy. If someone is angry with me or treating me unfairly, I'm just completely depressed. But I don't want to be so dependent on others anymore.

I want friendships to end, people to leave my life without me feeling like it's this huge depressing deal. I want to be less dependent on other people when it comes to achieving happiness. After that, I feel like I could trust people more.

So if you're independent and don't need others to be happy, how do you do it? How do you not count on other people for everything, and take your life into your own hands? It's so unbelievably hard for me.





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Re: Are you independent? - July 11th 2010, 01:17 AM

I'm not at all independent, which is awkward because I don't have many people in my life on whom I can depend. I can't really give you advice, but remember that it's generally okay to need people. It's natural. It's part of loving other people, I think. I know that caring too much can be painful, but it's a good thing to have other people in your life and to feel a strong connection with them.
I hope other people can give you advice about how to feel more independent, though...

Last edited by lanegwyn; July 11th 2010 at 01:40 AM.
   
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Re: Are you independent? - July 11th 2010, 01:18 AM

There's nothing strange about needing friends to be happy. Humans are social people.

I was ridiculously dependant on a cirtain guy once upon a time and suddenly he left and I hit the ground with no one to hold me up. It was such a shock and I vowed I would never depend on anyone again. Not like that.

There's no way of being completely emotionless, and I don't think you want to be completely emotionless. Its good to love and treasure your loved ones and be sad when they leave. Its if you feel you need them to carry on there is an issue.



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Re: Are you independent? - July 11th 2010, 01:27 AM

We are social beings. We NEED other people that is what being social is. What gets bad is when you rely too much on one given person to make you happy.

It is OK to need people and use them to support you on down days though.

Why do you want to be moreindependent? I mean do you feel you are too dependent on one person or is it people in general?

   
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Re: Are you independent? - July 11th 2010, 01:39 AM

I suppose I just reached a point (maybe 4-5 years ago?) where I thought "That's it... I'm DONE!" I still need people in my life... but I don't need anyone in particular. Old friends come and go. I can do without my family members for weeks at a time. I can even handle a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend (although I WOULD be much happier if he lived closer to me). I'm a busy person... and for the most part, I enjoy my solitude. I like that I can CHOOSE whether or not I want to be around people at any given time. I like to socialize every now and then - and I prefer to do so with people I'm close to - but if the opportunity doesn't arise, I'm not distressed.

Being a child is so much easier... your parents are always around, your teachers ensure that you always have someone to play with during recess, and you never have a dull weekend. As you grow older, however, you discover that you need to make more of an effort to maintain relationships with family and friends. Sometimes, the people you used to be close to don't want to make the effort... and that can cause you to become clingy or dependent upon those people. You're afraid of losing something you've had for as long as you can remember.

I think emotional independence is something that becomes more attainable as you experience more emotionally... just as financial independence becomes more attainable as you gain the skills needed to find a decent job. You become more flexible, adaptable, and realize that very few things will remain constant in your life. The transition isn't always rapid or smooth, but you eventually stop dwelling on the things you CAN'T control, and take matters you CAN control into your own hands.






Last edited by PSY; July 11th 2010 at 01:46 AM.
   
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Re: Are you independent? - July 11th 2010, 01:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by I love dogs View Post
Why do you want to be moreindependent? I mean do you feel you are too dependent on one person or is it people in general?

It's because I always trust the wrong people. I trust people too easily, and they always end up walking out of my life and hurting me. And because of the amount that I rely on them, it hurts more than it should. It seems like other people are able to let go of their friends and the people they care about so much more easily than I am. When someone hurts me I obsess over it and it depresses me for weeks. If people are going to be hurting me as much as they do, I just figure that maybe I need to change and not become so close to people, and learn not to care when they hurt me.





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Re: Are you independent? - July 11th 2010, 02:38 AM

I think I am independent it took me a lot of time to get where I am now. I used to be ever dependent on people but I kinda grow out of that and now I don't feel I need people that much that can be isolating at times sometimes you just want someone to talk to. I have my own money I do not depend on someone to take me places or just to do things for me like before.


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Re: Are you independent? - July 11th 2010, 02:39 AM

Quote:
It seems like other people are able to let go of their friends and the people they care about so much more easily than I am.
And are you sure it doesn't just seem that way?


   
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Re: Are you independent? - July 11th 2010, 03:41 AM

well, iv allways been kind of a loner...its more like its hard for me to depend on people, they have to earn a loooot of my trust for me to feel like that...of corse when they do and abuse it is difrent...but, idk, its natural. ill choose sitting alone over with strangers, in my room over with my family, by myself over most friends (sept the few i do depend on) its just how you are, you need people, some people like me could be the last one on earth and entertain ourselves. :/ *shrug*


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