TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
PlayingPretend Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
PlayingPretend's Avatar
 
Name: Elliotte
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: California

Posts: 1,384
Join Date: October 19th 2009

Undoing Damage - July 12th 2010, 10:15 AM

I ended up completely snapping Saturday evening, resulting in a fit of hysteria and a blind rage that ended up driving me to put a hole in my bedroom wall. Naturally, I had an "oh shit" moment immediately after, but despite others' advice to tell my mother a) that it was an accident or b) that something else had caused it, I decided to be honest and tell my mother the real reason behind it. I sent it in a text, so that I could include the solution, as I have a friend who's willing to patch it up and/or I can pay for any costs necessary (either for supplies or if she wanted a professional), because I was afraid if I told her in person, she'd cut me off before giving me the chance to finish it out. And based on the reaction I received, I'm glad that I did do it through text as opposed to in person.

Her initial response was to come back calling me fucked up, telling me that I was deeply disturbed and that I needed to get a grip. She also wrote, and I quote, "AND BTW I'M PISSED. WE'LL LEAVE IT AT THAT" (on the brightside, she's learnt how to use caps lock properly ). Because of this, she ended up not taking me to meet the Greyhounds and speak with the representatives about potential volunteer opportunities. It's something I'd been looking forward to for over a month, so to have it taken away from me stung, but I respected, and I'll admit, even expected, her decision and didn't bring it up. I decided to give her her space for the rest of the day.

Yet she still seems to be punishing me for it. For example, when she and my sister got into an argument, I piped up to try and quiet them both by saying "all right guys..." I said it very calmly, but my mother still turned on me and said "I don't want to hear a word from you," then proceeded to call me "disgusting," threatened to slap me and then stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Up until this point, she'd been giving me the silent treatment, so her harsh words came as a shock. I stood there dumbly simply because I had no idea how to deal with it - especially seeing as we were in public. Once we got back to the house, I retreated to my room where I stayed until she called me out of it to take a drive with her.

She proceeded to lay into me and said that the way I'd texted her about the wall was cowardly and that I was going to pay for the entirety of its repair. I reminded her that I'd mentioned that in my text - I had contacted someone local for a quote, should she decide she wanted it professionally done - and she told me "you're paying more than that." So I said "but I sent them a picture of the job and described in detail what I needed done, and they gave me that estimate." She said, "I want you putting more money towards it." There was silence for a while until she brought up something completely unrelated, which seemed to open the doors for discussion.

Trying to further the conversation, I took a window of opportunity to tell her about my day and something I'd experienced with my boyfriend. I told her how upset the incident (which has been worked out) had made me feel because it felt like my boyfriend hadn't been there for me like I needed him to be, and she turned round and told me that it's not fair I expect him to be there for me. She said I'm a very frustrating personality to deal with and that she's amazed he even puts up with me. She said in that specific situation, he probably didn't care and didn't want to deal with me - "who would?" She then went on to say that I could very easily make him stop loving me.

When we got home, I cracked a joke that again seemed to lighten the mood, told her I wanted to have a bath later, and she promptly said "you're not allowed. You're in the pound" and then left for her room.

I'm not quite sure how to deal with any of this. I texted my best friend after she'd threatened to hit me and both he and my boyfriend ended up talking me out of doing anything completely irrational. I considered taking a cab and checking in to a cheap motel for a couple days, but my best friend said "if you do that, she won't let you back," and seeing as my mother has kicked me out of the house before, I don't doubt that his point probably has some merit. But I'm honestly not sure what to do at this point. =/

Part of it is because I can't wrap my head around why she's reacted so bloody violently. Yes, I kicked a small hole in the wall, but I also owned up to it when so many people were telling me to lie about what had happened and I also told her that I had a few options she could choose from and that I would pay to have the damages repaired. Yes, I expected she'd be angry and yes, I think she has a right to be angry, but some of the things she said... To be honest, I feel they were uncalled for. And the selfish part of me has to say "it's not as though she's never gotten angry, and if kicking in a wall means I'm deeply disturbed, then I wonder what the hell it meant about her when she was still slapping me around."

I realise that this will boil over. It always does, doesn't it? But I'm not sure what to do until then. She's either yelling at me or completely ignoring me (I even leaned over to look at a picture/read a caption in the portfolio she was looking through at the office we were at earlier and she turned her back to me) and it's taking its toll on my mental and emotional well being. Things have already been fucked for me, especially lately, because on top of issues with medication, numerous stressors have all become an issue within the past week and even moreso over the bloody weekend. As I told my best friend, I feel like I'm currently in a position where I need to either get out of the house or off it, if there's no other choice. And it sounds ridiculous, to feel that way, and thinking rationally, I'd never do it, but it's what might happen when I'm thinking irrationally that worries me. The things she says hurt, they cut incredibly deeply, and they cause me to feel very self-destructive and very suicidal and what's worse is I won't cry. I refuse to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry, and so my emotions end up getting stuffed down to the point of leaving my blood boiling and my anger simmering - all the better to snap again. =/

So I guess what I'm looking for is a coping method, something to help me until this particular stressor has passed. My friend suggested drawing as an outlet, but the problem with drawing is that I end up flipping out and getting upset because I want to make everything bloody perfect and I never manage to accomplish it. The same goes for most of the visual arts. So... help?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
alih15 Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
alih15's Avatar
 
Name: alison
Gender: Female

Posts: 66
Join Date: June 3rd 2010

Re: Undoing Damage - July 12th 2010, 11:13 AM

hmm..well have u done anything like that before where u just flew off the handle? that could be the reason she got so upset about it. maybe shes had enough of that kinda thing? i dont really know what to tell u as a coping mechanism because when this happens to me & my mom i just lock myself away in my room till she comes looking for me i dont suggest that though...maybe you should try spending more time away from the house, like with friends and your boyfriend. or you could write, i do that a lot. or maybe you should apologize? ..talk it out. but you probably dont want to do that.

sorry, this isnt really that helpful.


What lies behind us
and what lies before us
are small matters compared
to what lies within us.


just got a formspring! ask me stuff
http://www.formspring.me/allifaith
  Send a message via Skype™ to alih15 
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
PlayingPretend Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
PlayingPretend's Avatar
 
Name: Elliotte
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: California

Posts: 1,384
Join Date: October 19th 2009

Re: Undoing Damage - July 12th 2010, 08:10 PM

I have apologised, and I have tried talking it out. All she does is either ignore me completely and push right past me or she yells at me saying she doesn't want to deal with me.

Yes, I have flown off the handle before, but I haven't in at least three years, and I never damaged anything in the house before, save for a pencil she never found out about. So I don't think her "being tired of it happening," or any similar mindset, is what's causing her to be this way.

Spending time out with friends is a good idea, but the problem is I'm trying to meet new people who are in a reasonable vicinity. My best friend lives an hour away, and I can't drive, so I'm pretty much reliant on him for when we hang out. =/ He's also been quite busy lately, and though he still makes time to see me once a week, it's not like I can ask him to drop everything and come see me on a day he's unavailable. My boyfriend lives in London and I don't see him until August, so that's not a possibility either. But that's a great idea, in any case, so don't think anything you said wasn't helpful.

I do write. Maybe I'll do some more of it. I feel better this morning, although I feel completely heartbroken. I guess after anger comes depression, so I'm working through it, but it doesn't mean I don't feel like shit. I also danced around a bit to some music and that helped too. I'm still looking for some more outlets or ideas for how to get me through this situation... It's something I can do whilst in the house, since getting out and about is either reliant on my mother or someone else. =/
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
falling_x Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
falling_x's Avatar
 
Name: Vicx
Gender: Female
Location: London

Posts: 227
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: Undoing Damage - July 12th 2010, 08:24 PM

My mum and I are very similar ... so I'm not really sure what I can say to you.

However, as you say - it will blow over eventually. Maybe you could try making dinner for her one night? Or let her take a rest day and you could do the washing/ironing/ whatever ...

Sorry - useless suggestions ...
falling_x


So much for that idea ...

Want a chat? Get in touch ...
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
StabMyHeartLover's Avatar
 
Name: Casey
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: Lost in my head O_o

Posts: 482
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: Undoing Damage - July 13th 2010, 03:47 PM

Honeslty I think your mom is overlyreacting to the whole thing.
That doesn't even give her a right to be so mean to you.
You don't dersevre that.
You except your boyfriend to be their & he wasn't.
& you kinda flipped out.
It happens to everbody your no differn't.

I gusse you could tell your mom how you really feel & ask her if somthing else is bothering her, or is she always such a bitchy attuitude towrds you?
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
alih15 Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
alih15's Avatar
 
Name: alison
Gender: Female

Posts: 66
Join Date: June 3rd 2010

Re: Undoing Damage - July 13th 2010, 09:01 PM

ya i agree that shes kinda overreacting.
i mean you took responsibility instead of lying right?
geesh haha, she'll get over it eventually.
till then just be real nice and show her you're making an effort haha
anyways, glad you're feeling better


What lies behind us
and what lies before us
are small matters compared
to what lies within us.


just got a formspring! ask me stuff
http://www.formspring.me/allifaith
  Send a message via Skype™ to alih15 
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
PlayingPretend Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
PlayingPretend's Avatar
 
Name: Elliotte
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: California

Posts: 1,384
Join Date: October 19th 2009

Re: Undoing Damage - July 14th 2010, 04:28 AM

Flipping out had nothing to do with what happened with my boyfriend. What happened with my boyfriend happened the following day.

That being said, I believe this thread can be closed now. I've been staying out of my mother's way, but we're starting to get on speaking terms again. She's no longer treating me as terribly as she was and quite honestly, I'd rather just drop the issue entirely. Thanks everyone for your support.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,025
Blog Entries: 35
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: Undoing Damage - July 14th 2010, 09:22 PM

Closing this thread, since the issue has been resolved.





   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
damage, undoing

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.