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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Name: Samantha
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Question Best friend moves in... - July 19th 2010, 11:41 PM

My bestfriend Beth was raped, told her grandparents about it and they kicked her out at the begining of june. since no one in her family would take her because of the fact that she is involved in an active investigation they let her move back in. for the last 6 weeks she has been having all her stuff thrown out onto the lawn approximetly 2 to 3 times a week. shes been staying with us alot and when my parents found out what was happening they said she was to get all her stuff and move in here the next time she was kicked out.
So the next day July 13th she gets kicked out again, 2 days later me beth and our boyfriends moved her stuff from her house to mine.
I love that shes here, shes been so depressed since she was raped and her grandparents kicking her out hasnt helped her at all. and im an only child and i have always wanted to share my room have a sister all that fun stuff but there is a small problem
My mom is not reacting well, she is basically replacing me, she told me that beth is getting my room and my furniture and when i come back from college in thanksgiving everything i didnt take is going to be in boxes in the storage room and when beth moves out she can take all my furniture and such with her.
I am not allowed to explain the rules to her because its not my place and my parents want to. but when she does something like invite her boyfriend over and has him in our room with the door shut which is a major no, i get yelled at because she broke the rules and nothing gets said to her.
Me and my mom havent been getting along for months and the fighting is making me really depressed ive been getting more and more depressed over the last few months and since beth moved in the fighting between me and my mom has gotten worse and ive gotten to the point of i dont want to leave my bed let alone my room because i dont want to fight. Once my mom starts yelling i get angry which makes the fight worse and i get more depressed and ball my eyes out after.
Everyone in the house is happier moms happy dads happy beths happpy, the only one whos not is me. and me and moms relationship is getting worse, Ive talked to my dad about it and the only thing me and him came up with is me going on antidepressents. I want my family life to be good before I leave for school, right now the only thing i can think of that would make it better would be removing myself from the family picture in general and im not ready to do that.
How should i go about making my family situation and the fact that my friend now lives her permanently, better?
im seriousloy sick of fighting, and crying.
   
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Re: Best friend moves in... - July 20th 2010, 03:04 AM

Hey there! First of all, I'm glad to hear that your friend's situation has improved since moving into your home. I know it's difficult to adjust to this new situation, but I am proud of you for going so far to help a friend in need. It's not something many people would do. I hope that the police will be able to prosecute your friend's rapist to the fullest extent of the law, and that your friend will be able to get back on her feet soon.

Now, back to your situation. How long have you and your mom had a rocky relationship? Did the fighting start recently (ex. a few months ago), or has this been going on for a year or more? The reason why I ask is because I dealt with a similar situation when I was about to move away and start attending college. My relationship with my dad became strained... and to be honest, it's still a bit strained. I think it can be difficult for some parents to "let go" of their children. They don't want to be sad and miss their child every single day... so sometimes, they'll find ways to get rid of those sad feelings. My dad ended up picking little fights with me over EVERYTHING... and by the end of the summer, I couldn't WAIT to get out of the house. Fortunately, after we had some time to ourselves (two months - that's how long it was until Thanksgiving break), we were able to talk things over and reconcile.

I'm not going to lie... your relationship with your parents will change, once you head off to college. It changes when you become a teenager, and it changes again when you become an "adult". You're leaving the nest for the first time... and they can't tell you what to do anymore. They're not always going to want to acknowledge that you're a grown woman now, capable of making your own decisions. They may treat you harshly at times, because they love you and are afraid to let you go out into the world.

If I were you, I'd go spend a night or two at a friend's house, or even an extended family member's house. Get away from your mom for a bit, and RELAX. When your head is more clear, make a list of things you'd like to work out with your mom before you head off to college. With my dad, I picked a few small things (ex. arguing over who does the dishes after dinner) and one or two big things (ex. sleeping over at my boyfriend's apartment while at college). Then, come up with a solution or two. Show your mom that you can be pro-active, and that you WANT to stop fighting and work out your differences.

Good luck! =D





   
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Re: Best friend moves in... - July 20th 2010, 04:43 AM

I have so far arranged my schedual to where i am either sleeping or not home when she is home. ive become alot closer to my dad because of this whole ordeal, and me and my mom havent gotten along since i was 14 and im now 18 going on 19. it just doesnt happen
   
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