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LittleFish Offline
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The dream brought everything back - July 25th 2010, 06:34 AM

I'm really upset and really confused. A few years ago, my older sister decided she wanted to be all independent and moved out without telling us where she was going, what she planned to do, or who she was with. She was my best friend, and it devastated me. I wouldn't go to school for the rest of the week, I was crying, I started having panic attacks. She told me that she loved me more than anything and that nothing would ever change that. At the time, I was afraid that she'd changed and it was too late.

It's three years later. As far as I was concerned, I was over it and things between she and I were more or less okay. But on her birthday a few nights ago, I had a dream about her. I dreamed that it was her 18th birthday and she left a card saying how proud she was to have known me and that I knew where to find her if I wanted to see her. Yet when I looked for her, I couldn't find her. I woke up crying, and I haven't cried in longer than I can remember.

For the past two days now, I've been a wreck. I haven't been able to sleep, I've been having anxiety, and I've been crying off and on for no reason. Everything sets me off. The thing is, I'm not over it, and I will never get over it. Our connection is basically broken. We almost never talk, and when we do, I don't feel like I'm talking to the person I used to know. Our relationship feels forced, and I don't feel like she really loves me anymore even though that's maybe not true.

I think what happened with my sister is what caused me to stop trusting people and have so little faith in friendship and love. I have a hard time making new friends, and when the friends I have begin to seem distant, I automatically feel like our relationships are over. My best friend is currently trying to transfer schools, and I've been struggling with it for months. I'm so afraid. I don't want her to leave me because I don't want our relationship to take the turn that the one with my sister did. I love her so much. So much more than she'll probably ever be able to realize or comprehend. It's a miracle that I've begun to trust her, and I can't go through this again. I can't handle losing someone this close to me. She told me she loved me. This is reminding me too much of what happened with my sister. I don't know if I should talk to either of them about this or just keep it to myself. I'm probably over reacting, but it just hurts so much and I don't know what to do. I don't know, maybe I'm just venting...

Last edited by LittleFish; July 25th 2010 at 06:43 AM.
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Re: The dream brought everything back - July 25th 2010, 12:35 PM

Have you told your parents about it? There's a possibility they may have communicated with her without telling you. Alternatively, use the Internet to look her up, find her address, phone number, etc... . It's extremely hard for someone to keep off the grid, so I'm sure you can find her if you look around enough. If you know what she likes, such as sports, if she was part of a sports team or club, or some of her friends, whoever, look that up, ask them where she is, etc... . If they don't know, they may give names of people who may and if they know her well and like you, they may also try to look her up. If there is fear of her being incarcerated somewhere, try an American or Mexican version of submitting a Habeas Corpus (Canadian version).
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Re: The dream brought everything back - July 25th 2010, 07:19 PM

Well, it's not that I don't know where to find her. That was just a dream. In real life, I know where she lives and we have her number and everything. Things just don't feel the same between us, and it's extremely upsetting because of how close we used to be.
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Re: The dream brought everything back - July 25th 2010, 09:36 PM

Talk to both of them. Make an effort to keep in touch with friend. Call you sister see if you guys can get together once a week for lunch or dinner. Try to build you relationship back up with her. Maybe tell you sister about your dreams, see if she'd be ok with you calling her in the middle of the night if you had the dream again.

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Re: The dream brought everything back - July 27th 2010, 02:16 AM

Did you ever find out why your sister left? Whatever her reasons were for leaving, please know that it WASN'T because of you. Perhaps she had issues with your parents, issues with her old lifestyle, or issues with herself... but she didn't leave because she hated you. She left because there was something else she couldn't handle.

It's not fair that you lost your sister (and best friend) so suddenly. It's not fair that you were unable to keep in touch with her for some time. I'm not going to tell you to suck it up, because you have every right to be upset with what happened and how it happened. What I will say, however, is that this one incident should not influence how you'll interact with everyone else you'll meet in life.

Rather than seeing yourself as a victim, as a sister and friend who is being abandoned time and time again, see the people around you as individuals who are forced to make decisions that are in their best interests at times. Try to understand that people DO change, for better or worse. They may have to make sacrifices along the way, leaving their loved ones in order to pursue a better life. Sometimes, they'll come back into your life after a few weeks or months, after they've had time to settle down into their new lifestyles... other times, they won't come back until years later... and unfortunately, there will even times when the people you love never come back.

All you really CAN do is enjoy what you have right now, and stop worrying about what might happen in the future. In two years, you may leave home in order to go to college. You may not talk to your parents every day like you used to, and you may not keep in touch with old friends. You won't be ceasing regular contact to spite people... you'll be doing it because you have a new lifestyle, one that enables you to explore new interests and meet new people. Hanging out with mom, dad, and friends from high school simply won't be at the top of your list of priorities anymore.

If you don't go to college, and continue to live with your parents, then you'll have to watch your friends move away. They won't be abandoning you then... they'll be going somewhere new and exciting, and that's something to CELEBRATE, not mourn. =) They may not talk to you every day, or even once per week, but you will learn how to cope with the changes nevertheless.

Anyway, I do hope that things work out with your sister soon. Definitely talk to her about how you're feeling! Try to get back in touch with her. No, it won't be the same... but that doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. It's just different now. I would also talk to your friend about how you're feeling. Perhaps the two of you could send weekly letters or monthly care packages, to remind each other that you're loved and will always have a special place in one another's hearts.

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