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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
HoleInTheWorld Offline
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Angry Not sure what to do about a friend. - August 10th 2010, 11:19 AM

well it all started when i went to college last september.

I met this guy in my class and we ended up as really good friends for months however during this time he had this obsessive girlfriend who obviously had alot of issues because they used to fight all the time and sometimes get pretty violent.

so being good friends we decided to intervenie at christmas time because it was the violence and constant complaining to us was far enough, so after weeks of crying, parents getting involved and stupid behind the back stuff they finanly ended.

my friend then became desperate as hell like he had some attachment issue and started trying to find anyone to fill that void we all just took it as 're-bounding' seeing he had been with that girl for a year and a half.

we did try to keep his mind of things, we started a band which failed because he 'wasn't happy with certian band members'

Then he met a girl online who lives 3 hours away from all of us, we thought oh cool he'll see her a few times and should be over his ex and ready to move on and be normal.

Oh how we were wrong, it was okay in the begging like he'd see her every two weeks and spend time with us during college after college and like every two weeknds, but then it started getting worse.

he missed a week of college just to go see her then as soon as summer came we all had plans and stuff to do, that he said he'd do but ended up going to hers which is 3 hours away remember for a month....a whole month.

Okay we thought he'll get sick of her after a month, we were wrong again.

The day he suppose to come back he doesn't he comes back 4 days later and you know what he brings her with him.

You know what that means, we can't get drunk and go to parties or generally do some stuff together because his girlfriend would be there he would ignore us and everything...seeing we're all 18 this should be a time where we should all be having fun.

After two weeks at his no one even bothered to go see them, one of my friends bumped into them in the street and told us that shes got a million piercings and looks pretty trashy, guess he likes them insecure.

Anyway she finanly went home after to weeks at his and we thought okay cool he wont atleast see her till september (this was the end of july)

We all went to this girls party got drunk had a good time he was doing good untill he got to drunk and was ill and pretty much was the only one who didnt enjoy the night.

Everyone went home recovered and then a group of us planned to go see the A-team in the next couple of days but then one day we woke up to him complaning on his tumblr about someone in our class that we are all friends with ill call the friend mr A as it'll be confusing in the next part.

He wrote really horrible nasty stuff about him, it was well out of order...he text me like 'LOL look what i wrote about him' and i text him back with you know you're doing the same (seeing as Mr A who he was complaning about saw his girlfriend who lives hours away last year and the same thing happend friends all ditched him and he tried to warn this guy but hes not listening) so of course he's the type who sulks and can't talk about things goes mental and goes 'IM NOT DOING THE SAME AS HIM I SPENT TIME WITH YOU GUYS' I hardly call seeing us at a party where you get majorly drunk 'spending time with us'

I just didnt dignify with a response, I just don't anymore...i guess i've lost all respect for him cause he'll just get angry and act like a four year old.

Anyway MR A writes back to him and tells him whats wrong with him and tells him hes losing all his friends, he can't take that.

But this time i think he realised no one was supporting him on the attack on MR A

In all honesty we thought he was a huge prick for doing that to MR A.

so then he writes a new blog saying why he doesnt hang around with us saying that we never plan anything....seeing we planned to go to the cinema, do paintballing, go out drinking, have a thing at my house thats such an ignorant thing to say then he goes on to say that i'm being lazy and that i should find band members and that's one of the reasons he doesnt stay around here.

It's like excuse me the truth is im humoring you and will never start a band with someone as obsessive as you, how do you expect me to start a band with someone who is never there? i'd rather start a band with someone who respects me and has time and isn't an obsessive control freak over his girlfriend.

Anyway I agian don't dignify him with a response cause you just can't.

He ended up deleting all these blogs and saying on his facebook status guess you can't say the truth anymore. no one liked it.

Anyway after all the internet business he ended up ditching all the plans we had all made and he fucked off back up hers.

Thing is when he's up hers, he comes on facebook acting all cocky and defensive to everyone and is a huge prick, yesterday he wrote a status about wanting to wear a shirt and tie casually so i comment with everyone does it, i've done it, our friend wills wears that stuff to school but its just conisdered indie and then he gets all defensive for no reason and say's ' i thought you were a good friend' it did not make sense it's like hes got some fucking anger issues.

He seems to be saying 'i thought you were a good friend' to everyone lately.

Another thing to add to the plate he's confessed to me twice that he's bisexual so I dont' know maybe he's in the closet and frustrated that's why he comes across angry?

He also seems to have huge commitment issues as he needs to be in a relationship all the time, its unhealthy.

I just want to know if he's even worth it anymore, it's like we hang around in college like i've put all my eggs in one basket, but i've got some other friends i'd prefer to hang around with i.e my friend who now comes along to our little groups plans now he's awesome and MR A's cool he doesn't deserve the crap he gets from this prick.

So should i keep humoring him and carry on untill next year where i leave college or should i just stop being his friend like everyone seems to be doing seeing as when everyone leaves him then his girlfriend will he'll have no one?

and is it me or do alot of people act this way these days putting girlfriends and relationships over there friends? it all seems rather chidlish?

also should i keep humoring him with the bands, i keep going 'yeah waiting for some people coming along, its hard to get members around here' but in all honesty i've played in a band recently we played a gig, i couldnt carry on with that band cause they're not in education and doing alot more things. but if i get an offer from a band im definatly going in them because its a thing i want to do and spend alot of time doing. so im not gonna let him hold me back.

Its extremley hard to tell him the truth he can never take is and sulks like a three year old and gets angry.

He's even getting one of his girlfriends art design tattooed on him, he got 20 mm ear strechers and a lip piercing.

and it may sound like they'll last, but they won't he always does this.

maybe he just needs to grow up.

sorry for the huge rant i just needed to get it off my chest and ask some questions.

and sorry about the rude lanuage im just annoyed.

All response will be very welcomed as im pretty stuck and really really angry at the way he is at the moment

thanks
   
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Re: Not sure what to do about a friend. - August 10th 2010, 04:43 PM

I think the most important thing is to worry about yourself at the moment. It would be entirely different if he was nice, listened to what you said, or asked for help. But there's no excuse for treating friends like that for no reason. You aren't obliged to look after the guy and keep him company unless he actually appreciates it and makes a solid effort to help himself and respect others. If you would rather hang out with other people and it would make you happier then do so. Explain to him why, and ignore the tantrum that will likely follow. As long as he's been told you'll be there for him if he listens to you and is respectful to his friends then you've done the best you can for him.


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Re: Not sure what to do about a friend. - August 11th 2010, 01:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkSeph View Post
I think the most important thing is to worry about yourself at the moment. It would be entirely different if he was nice, listened to what you said, or asked for help. But there's no excuse for treating friends like that for no reason. You aren't obliged to look after the guy and keep him company unless he actually appreciates it and makes a solid effort to help himself and respect others. If you would rather hang out with other people and it would make you happier then do so. Explain to him why, and ignore the tantrum that will likely follow. As long as he's been told you'll be there for him if he listens to you and is respectful to his friends then you've done the best you can for him.
Liam always words things so well. =) I completely agree with his response. You've done all that you can for your friend. You've tried to be there for him... but if he doesn't want your help, then what else can you do? (Kidnapping him and forcing him to grow up isn't an option. =P) Tell him the truth (it seems like he'd flip out even if you lied a bit), and hope that he'll get his head screwed on straight sooner vs. later.






   
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