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Unhappy confused...guilty...ughh!!!!!! - February 17th 2009, 03:54 AM

When I was seven my dad moved out. The year before my parents had gotten divorced and my dad was living in the basement apartment, so yeah, that's how that goes. I'm still kinda scarred from it to be totally honest, but whatever. I live with my mom, and I love her to death. But....I really want to move in with my dad. it's been eight years, and I'd really like to move in with him. I always have.
But, I'd feel so guilty leaving my mom. She's brought it up before, and I lied, telling her that no, I didn't want to move in with my dad. She hasn't brought it up for about two years now....but I still feel so guilty about wanting to move in with my dad, guilty enough for me to not be able to stop crying about it....I need someone to talk to about this, so I can make a decision to stay where I'm at or to go to my dads. My friends will want me to stay here, my dad will want me to go there, and I really can't talk to anyone except for the pastor at my church and I really don't want to wait that long to make this decision.
Can someone help?
   
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Re: confused...guilty...ughh!!!!!! - February 17th 2009, 03:59 AM

How often do you see your dad?


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Re: confused...guilty...ughh!!!!!! - February 17th 2009, 04:00 AM

Every other weekend and sometimes on holidays but not often
   
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Re: confused...guilty...ughh!!!!!! - February 17th 2009, 04:00 AM

Hey,
This is mainly up to you. I think you should really discuss this with your mom first of all, and sort out of the pros and cons of leaving or staying. You don't have to feel guilty about this. It's probably been really hard being away from him and it's natural you miss him and want to see him. If you think that's the best decision then you could try it. Just make sure you talk about this before deciding to make any major changes right away.


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Re: confused...guilty...ughh!!!!!! - February 17th 2009, 04:04 AM

See, the thing with discussing it with her is, as soon as the conversation comes up then she starts crying. And I can't stand making my mother cry...or anyone else for that matter, but especially my mother. And she doesn't listen, she just sits there and makes me feel guilty for even thinking something like that...ughhhh.

I don't know how to go about this conversation with anyone without making her get really ticked off at me, and want to cry. My stepdad would only make it worse, then my little sister would make it even worse than that to top it off. My brother probably wouldn't help me at all either, and he lives with my dad. I want to do this, but I don't want to be chastised for it by my mom and stepdad.
   
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Re: confused...guilty...ughh!!!!!! - February 17th 2009, 04:09 AM

That is difficult. Do you think it would help if you just talked to her in private and went through the reasons you want to move there so you don't have the rest of your family involved right away? It might help her understand a little. I don't think there's any way to actually avoid making her upset but just make sure she understands that it's not her fault.


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Re: confused...guilty...ughh!!!!!! - February 17th 2009, 10:41 PM

Hi there,
Welcome to TeenHelp!

This does sound like a pretty tricky situation.
I was wondering if it would help if you saw your dad more often? That could be a compromise for your mom. It's hard for her to hear that you want to live with someone else, and it's understandable because she is your mom and she cares about you. Maybe you could start by seeing your dad more often and then move in with him later.

Remember that this is not only your decision, but also your dad's. Has he agreed to take you in and care for you? I think you should have a talk with him about this first and then if he agrees, then talk to your mom about it.

Another compromise would be to stay with your dad for a long period of time- maybe for the summer. That way your mom can slowly get used to the idea of you moving out.

I hope this works out for you. If you want to talk sometime, let me know.

Nat.


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Re: confused...guilty...ughh!!!!!! - February 18th 2009, 01:46 AM

Well, since they've been divorced for eight years now, I've wanted to move in with my dad for eight years, and my dad knows it, and he's always telling me I'm welcome to move in.
When my brother decided to move out, my mom barely gave him time to pack, the minute he decided she kicked him out. They still talk and all that, but it took a while for her to forgive him.
My mom is kind of a drama queen, and she'll act as if I'm dying rather than moving.

But I'll talk to my dad first,
I did write down the pros and cons of moving, and I've basically decided to. But I don't know how to go about telling my mom.
   
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