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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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ThePunkAlien Offline
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Arrow Why do you think parents are blind? - September 4th 2010, 10:50 AM

Basically, as said, why do you think parents are blind?

I look at my Dad and he knows nothing about me really. I'm bi, I've checked out guys in his presence, I've gone through a drug/alcohol/suicidal phase for a year that he still really doesn't know anything about. My Mom knows some things, but she has it in her head that I'm well balanced and strong. I'm kinda a neurotic, shy guy who's bisexual and has done drugs and still does on occasion - which is the complete opposite of how they see me.

I guess partly, it's my fault because I only tell my Dad the good things that happen in my life and not the bad. I don't want him to see me in a bad state of mind - always working to earn his respect and hear for even once in my life that he's proud of me (I'm working at a top film company with execs reading my scripts and I still have yet to hear those words).

But, still? I've stopped really hiding the fact that I'm bisexual by checking out guys in front of my parents and sometimes getting the same stammer if I find the guy attractive. Kinda funny they haven't picked up on that, unsure if my sister has either (even though she claims to be able to tell with guys)... might be that I lean more towards girls. The drugs I haven't done it around them or really told them - so, I don't think there's any way they could pick up on it.

Basically why do you think parents are blind and unable to see certain sides of who we are - even when it's right in front of them?


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Re: Why do you think parents are blind? - September 4th 2010, 09:17 PM

Parents generally want their kids to be "normal". It's easier to go through life as a straight, drug-free, emotionally healthy individual. So even if they suspect you might be bisexual, they may not want to face it. If they don't ask, and you don't tell, then (in their minds) you must be "normal" and straight.

I think you already answered your question, when it comes to drugs and other conflicts. Parents are regular human beings, just like you and me. They're not all-knowing, so if you hide your drug use, how on Earth would they ever know? It's not really "right in front of them". Some people may be able to pick up on very subtle things, like the residual side effects of drug use, but if your parents aren't actively looking for those signs, they may never know (unless you tell them).






   
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Re: Why do you think parents are blind? - September 4th 2010, 11:03 PM

Parents want their children to be "perfect" and to fit in with society and the cultural norms. Sometimes this means being intentionally ignorant to certain things because they don't want to hear of it or they think you're not being serious as they believe they've instilled proper values to prevent certain things from happening. However, when you cover up certain things, then it's obvious why they don't know. If you don't cover it up, sometimes they don't notice. They're not around you 24/7 so they have a restricted time. If you check out a guy, your parents may be unaware because they may not see you checking out a guy or they may think you're looking at a guy, so it's normal and doesn't cross their minds. If you went out and actually began expressing your desires to certain men in front of your parents, then they will see it and know. You also said you are attracted to females so when they see this, it confirms to them that you're "normal". Checking out guys may simply be looking at their clothes, the girls they have next to them, etc... .

But there's one other reason. Your parents and sister are around you often so they may not realize when something is different, whereas someone who sees you every month will immediately notice it.


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Re: Why do you think parents are blind? - September 4th 2010, 11:07 PM

Well, my mom actually is pretty much blind in one of her eyes. We don't know why.

Pun very intended.


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Re: Why do you think parents are blind? - September 5th 2010, 02:39 AM

I agree 100% with Robin. Parents only see what they want to see. When faced with a difficult situation or overwhelming information, especially when it comes to a topic they're not very knowledgeable about or experienced with, some parents find it easier to pretend nothing is wrong or out of the ordinary. Some people believe that, if you ignore a problem, or pretend it doesn't exist, then it will magically go away or solve itself. We both know that's not true - but sometimes it seems easier to adopt that kind of mindset and to push certain information away.

I don't think parents mean to be blind - just remember that some things can be as difficult for parents to accept, as it is for us to deal with them.



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Re: Why do you think parents are blind? - September 5th 2010, 03:24 AM

My assumption is that they're so sure that they know everything about you that they don't feel the need to question anything. My parents think I'm some apathetic, lazy kid and have never bothered to ask what TeenHelp is when they see me on it or why I talk to my friend so much (she's having a tough time).


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Re: Why do you think parents are blind? - September 5th 2010, 04:38 AM

they don't want to see the truth.
or if its something bad that they do
they don't want to accept the fact that they have negatively influenced your life.
they don't want to take responsibility.
they want to feel like they failed you.
and many other reasons that all basically tie into the ones i listed above.


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