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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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LoveFever Offline
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I CAN'T STAND MY ROOMMATE! - September 27th 2010, 11:57 PM

Everything my roommate does seems to get on my nerves and annoy me beyond belief.
It's not even anything big, it's just EVERY LITTLE THING SHE DOES.
She just left for dinner, but about five minutes ago she was eating bread (which I bought) with her mouth open, which really really irritates me, and I can ALWAYS tell when someone is chewing with their mouth open, because of the disgusting smacking noise it makes. She was also cutting her toenails on her bed, which I also find disgusting.
She complains ALL THE TIME about not having a boyfriend, which just makes me feel worse about ME not having anyone.
When she's not complaining she's talking about her stupid dog, who I really couldn't care less about at this point, even though I love dogs. I'm just SO sick of hearing about how great he is.
She leaves her stuff all over the room. It's not that big of a room. We each have a bed, a desk and a dresser. She has stuff on MY desk and dresser as well as hers and has started leaving her clothes all over.
I think the worst thing she does is make my feel guilty for talking to other people. I'll come back like, ten minutes later from class than I normally do, and she like, interrogates me on who I was with and what I was doing and all that.

The worst part of this whole situation is that she's my best friend from high school and the only real friend I have here. I would feel absolutely TERRIBLE asking to switch rooms.
And I'm so afraid that if I say anything to her, she won't want to be my friend anymore, because she sort of blows a lot of things like this out of proportion.

Any advice?
   
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Re: I CAN'T STAND MY ROOMMATE! - September 28th 2010, 03:10 AM

This is a situation that you can gain good experience from, which will serve you well in the future when you live with roommates in an apartment. When you live in an apartment with people other than yourself, communication is a must. Communication also happens to be the solution here.

You mention that you're afraid to say anything to her because you feel like you're risking the friendship. You can't afford to have this fear, because then you're going to bottle up your concerns and dislikes and you'll just be creating your own uncomfortable situation.

I feel like some of the things that gets on your nerves are pet peeves. Some of them, and I know you don't want to hear this, are just things you have to deal with. However, people who chew with their mouth open is a reasonable aversion. My suggestion for you is to ask her casually to chew with her mouth closed. Chewing with mouth open/closed is a matter of manners and is a reasonable thing to bring up. Moreover, cleanliness is something that is worth bringing up. Being clean, looking after yourself, and respecting space property are responsibilities expected from people living together. It is necessary to bring this up.

The bottomline is, the pet peeves are things you have to deal with (e.g. her topics of conversations), but some of the things are worth discussing with her (e.g. her chewing and her cleanliness).

I hope that helps. Remember, you have the power to make your living situation as fair as possible for you.

Sincerely,
DC
   
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Re: I CAN'T STAND MY ROOMMATE! - September 30th 2010, 04:33 AM

I was going to say that all of that behavior is totally out of line, but then I read your last paragraph saying she's your best friend from high school. That explains it.

The general saying is never ever room with your friends from high school. You will end up hating them.

I think you can reasonably ask her not to put her stuff on your side of the room and to respect your belongings, for starters. Is this your first year in college? If so, get out of your room and go meet some new people, that should help.
   
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Re: I CAN'T STAND MY ROOMMATE! - September 30th 2010, 04:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana View Post
I was going to say that all of that behavior is totally out of line, but then I read your last paragraph saying she's your best friend from high school. That explains it.

The general saying is never ever room with your friends from high school. You will end up hating them.

I think you can reasonably ask her not to put her stuff on your side of the room and to respect your belongings, for starters. Is this your first year in college? If so, get out of your room and go meet some new people, that should help.
I know I shouldn't have roomed with her. I told her I didn't want to when we were filling out the housing forms, but she recommended me as a roommate anyway and we got placed together.
I guess it's more matter of me letting my friends push me around :/
   
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