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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My overbearing mother - November 19th 2010, 01:57 AM

*sigh* Tonight I am studying for my math midterm for tomorrow. One minute I am concentrating on my studies, the next minute I am thinking of all the times where she has always held me back, being overprotective, never initiated me into any activities while I was younger, treating me the same now as when I used to be 13 years old, or even 5 years old. She just got home from Fencing practice, I could hear her come in.. then she opened my door and I just said "yeah, yeah, I know, hi, hi, I know you're here.." and she didn't say anything and left quietly.

It could be a factor for a reason why she may seem overbearing is that I'm an only child, to me that is a VERY INCORRECT reason!

It has gotten to the point where if I even hear her voice, I feel dreadful inside. Whether that be to say hi to me, or hi to someone else, if she says she loves me, etc. just that sound makes me want to rip sh*t. If she cooked something for me, it takes all of my strength to eat it simply because SHE made it, and often enough I will decline and make myself something. It takes all of my strength to say thank you when she does something for me or gives me a compliment.. I HATE when she does that for me! I can't stand her saying my name, it has a very bad ring to it.

She'll still ask me if I packed everything for school, even though she'd be in front of me and I clearly have everything I need. F*ck she'll ask me if I tied my shoes, or brushed my teeth( when I already do that 4 times a day AND floss!), she'll ask me if I'm going to put on my teeth retainer at night. She still tells me to go to sleep... It irritates the PISS out of me when she goes in and out of my room constantly, as that would require opening/closing my door and I normally close my door to keep the heat in and being able to hear the speakers in my room; She would come tell me something, and we'd manage to have a conversation, she closes the door, then not even 1 minute later she opens the door again for the MOST IRRELEVANT REASON EVER! and this would go on and on and she would wonder why I would get angry at her. Instead of coming to me for something, she'll try to shout it out at me from across the house or from the basement.. Here's another example; I always take just ketchup on my hamburgers, one day we go to a restaurant and I'll maybe order the burger with relish, or onions or whatever.. She'll say "But Matt, you don't LIKE onions dear!" That's embarrassed me many times in public and even when its just the two of us. And she expects me to stay with mommy and daddy until I am 25-30...

She paints such a dreadful, unappealing picture to me of what women are like; illogical, annoying, lack of common sense, overbearing.. When I was younger, my classmates were saying how they wanted to marry their mommy or their daddy(of course it was innocent, we were in 3rd grade), when I was asked if I would want to marry my mom I simply said "f*ck no", and that's the first time I ever said that word, isn't that horrible? That's more than just child rebellion.

Now I've rarely dated, but I would not ever want to marry anyone that looks like my mom and even less acts like my mom. I can't date anyone that has; dark brown hair(and I'm ashamed of my own hair because it's just like hers), or would wear glasses, would have to be taller than her, cannot work at a bookstore(she's the manager of a popular bookstore), can't do Fencing... I've never considered myself having any kind of baggage whatsoever when it comes to dating, but as I'm writing this I can safely say that I have "mother issues", whatever that's supposed to mean in that context, and as I get older, when she gets under my skin(which sadly doesn't take much anymore) I just scream and throw and beat sh*t around. And this has all been within the past year.. I just can't stand her anymore! And because of this, I don't feel I should be in a relationship. Dreadful.

If I were in trouble, she would be the very last person I'd want to see. On a medical record, I would not place her as an emergency contact or put "acquaintance" as I've done once before.

I apologize for the long rant, it needed to be let out. Goodness, I'm probably going to fail my midterm tomorrow because I'm so repulsed by her.
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Re: My overbearing mother - November 19th 2010, 02:42 PM

First off, I bet that felt good to let that all out. Kudos for actually being able to open up about it. I know she seems overbearing, and basically you feel smothered by her, but you have to remember she IS your Mother, whether or not you like it. If she gets to the point where you need space from her, or she needs to back off some, why not mention it to her, but in a nice way, not in a yelling manner. Raising your voice, if you do do it to her, won't solve anything.

You are correct that since you're an only child, she's only going to be focused on you. But Matt, she loves you. She's just looking out for you. And while it may be annoying because of how old you are, you're always going to be her baby boy. She's always going to protect you. Sure, she'll embarrass you, but what parent doesn't do that? Chances are she most likely has no idea how much of a problem everything is. You can't expect someone to change, if they don't think there's a problem. I'm sure she's capable of backing off some, but only if you let her know the problem.

If I were you, I'd try and save up money to get your own place. At your age, I think it may be time to move out, and I can guarantee you that if you do move out, things will become a million times better for you. Or, if that's out of the question right now, maybe not spend much time at home? Hang out with friends, study at the library, just do activities that take your mind off stuff, or just make you happy. You need to blow off some steam.

Your relationship with your Mom may or may not improve, but you have to remember that you only have one Mother. I don't care how much you seem to dislike her at this time of your life, but I know you love her, and care about her, and if anything happened to her, you'd be upset. So, cut her some slack, and try and make an effort to make your relationship better. I know you can do it.

Keep your head up. You'll have better days. xx


x See the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets x
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Re: My overbearing mother - November 21st 2010, 01:39 AM

I can tell one thing Matt: she really loves you. I know you think its annoying and overbearing, but she's just looking out for you.
To be honest, I really wish I had your mom as a mom. My mom is the opposite. She doesn't care at all...because she knows that I'll either be hit by her or thrown down the stairs or something else as "discipline"...I really don't get what that means at this point.
You could tell her calmly and politely to back off a little.
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Re: My overbearing mother - November 21st 2010, 05:33 AM

I dont think she is trying to do you any harm at all, although she sounds very annoying!!! She just seems like a really really loving mother. I wonder, you say you're an only child, was she in a huge family? if so, she may have felt left out, and she my have felt she didn't get enough attention from her mother, so she wanted to just have one child and treat it like gold until it was very old. Maybe then she realised she didn't want you to grow old and she does struggle to let you go.
I think you should tell her very politely to just lay off you a little bit, but try not to hurt her too much as I really feel she is just trying her hardest.
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Re: My overbearing mother - November 21st 2010, 02:10 PM

Thanks for all of your replies.

I've attempted several times since Thursday to make conversation with her, I still feel the dread inside of me from hearing her voice.

Emma, she was in a big family. It was a family of 4 sisters and 10 or 11 brothers. She was the second youngest of the family, and her mother died of breast cancer when she was 12, her dad never re-married or even dated since then I believe. She wanted more than one child and my dad was an idiot for only wanting to stop after having a son. So there, all of that love and annoyance goes to me. Honestly, if I had a girlfriend that would start treating me like they were my mom, I'd sh*t bricks and drop them. Like I said in my post, anyone that resembles her in anyway I can't stand. It'll give me a headache, and thinking of her I can feel my blood pressure building up and losing my breath over it.
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