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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My dilema - January 16th 2011, 06:05 PM

i've been dealing with drugs, alcohol, and cutting for over a year. i've been wanting to tell my bestfriend, but i don't know how. its something she would never imagine me doing, but i hate lying to her constantly. and i feel like i need to come clean..i just don't know how. any suggestions?
   
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Re: My dilema - January 16th 2011, 09:12 PM

How do you think she would react to the news? Shock? Anger? Denial? Dismay? If you think she would need some time to process the information, you could write her a letter and ask her to think about everything you've written before replying. If you choose to bring it up in person, you could try easing into telling her the truth by discussing drug/alcohol use and self-harm in general (ex. "Hey ______, have you ever thought about hurting yourself?"). Once you have determined how she feels about the topics in general, you may have a better idea of how to bring up the news.





   
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Re: My dilema - January 17th 2011, 04:40 AM

the only times we really talk about cutting specifically is when she's making fun of it, and we don't even talk about she just makes a joke and she laughs about it. i don't find it funny, but i'm too scared to call her out on it cause she'll get all judgmental.
   
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Re: My dilema - January 17th 2011, 09:32 PM

Well, people often joke about things they don't understand and/or don't find personal. For example, I used to joke about a certain topic all the time... until one day, a friend of mine said they were in that situation. It completely changed the way I dealt with the topic. Sometimes, I'll crack a joke, but then I'll remember my friend and immediately want to take it back. I've also made more of an attempt to understand the topic, so that if anyone else cracks a joke (in a mean way, of course), I can "correct" them based on what I know from my friend and from other sources.

A lot of people believe cutting is a way to get attention, or that it's a "pathetic" way to try and kill oneself. They often don't understand that cutting can be a way to cope with emotional pain, and if they understood the circumstances behind it, they'd probably be much less likely to joke about the topic. If this person is truly your "best friend", then I imagine she'll do a complete 180 once she realizes it's personal for you (and therefore personal for her as well).





   
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