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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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lola jonson Offline
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best friends going through a rough spot - February 25th 2011, 05:25 PM

So my best friend and I have been friends for about 2 years. At first we were'nt close at all. Not reall best friends at first, but we are now. Anyway, so things have not been going well latley, We used to talk about important stuff that was going on that we were going through or whatever. He said that no matter what he would always be there whenever i needed to talk and that i could always call him for anything. Latley we haven't been talking about the stuff that makes either of us upset and we just sort of are not communicating as much as we used to. he used to say engouraging things to mew and make me feel better when im uspet. He always used to say that he belived him me that i could stop cutting and get over my depression. he doesnt say stuff like that anymore. i used to always be there for him too and i still want to but he doesnt tell be stuff anymore so that i can help him. I am just starting to feel like he doesnt care anymore, i have tried talking to him about all of this once and he kind of just brushed it off and nothing got solved. I really needed to talk to him yesterday because i wanted to cut again and i was upset, and so i texted him and he knew that i was upset and he didnt even help, he just fell asleep carelessly. I want our friendship to get back to the way it used to be but i dont know how.

We do not fear death, we fear that no one will notice our absence. That we will disappear without a trace.
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kitkat_kate Offline
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Re: best friends going through a rough spot - February 26th 2011, 07:46 PM

Hey, Lola. I'm not going to lie to you and say that these transitions in life are easy. They just aren't. I know that. I'm going through a similar situation with one of my best friends, and there are days when it makes me so upset I just want to cry. But I also know that maybe this is best.

We are both getting older and becoming interested in new things. It's really hard to want to tell her about the new crush I have or the way so-and-so made me feel bad, but sometimes I just can't. I don't even know if I can trust her. So I've had to find new friends, new people to trust and love.

It has been hard, but maybe you'll need to do that, too. If it's really bothering you, you could try writing your friend a letter to explain it to him. Then he could read it and process it on his own time so that he doesn't feel pressured to have an answer on the spot. Also, know that it's probably not just him. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong, but while you've grown, so has he. Sometimes you don't grow together.

Placing 100% of the blame never helps. It only hurts feelings.

I hope you find a way to rebuild your friendship, but if that's becoming more and more strained, it's okay to move on a bit, too. It's hard, but finding a new person to talk to, even just one, is helpful.

Coming here gives you a new place to seek support from people who have felt low before. We're all in this together and I hope you can figure out how to get the support you need and how to revitalize your friendship. If you need to talk, you can PM me anytime. <3

i am not my scars and my history
i am, i am, i am who i am...i am who i am.
there are true things inside of me;
i have been afraid to see.

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SparklingWine Offline
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Re: best friends going through a rough spot - March 2nd 2011, 10:26 PM


Friends are going to come and go. Falling outs are normal. That doesn't make them easier though. You've tried talking to him, and he brushed it off. It seems like he doesn't care as much as he used to. His vision may be clouded by something going on in his life right now. I know you want him to open up to you, but he might just not be wanting to do that. It's best not to push him on it.

You may want to reflect upon the reasons as to why you are falling out. It takes two to tango, so it's quite possible that you had something to do with it. If you can't think about what it is, you might want to ask him "Hey, is there anything that I did to cause this?" You both play a part in the friendship. Thus you both play a part in your falling out with him.

It sucks that he wasn't there for you, but this may be a sign that you should broaden your support system. I know that can be hard, but it's worth it. You can't be completely dependant on one person, because things like this can happen, and you feel left with nothing. It's good to have a back up when it comes to things this.

Your friend will come around eventually. The best that you can do is wait. While you wait, you can make your support system stronger. Also, you should just let your friend know that you are always there for him. Just throw the idea out there, and let the rest take care of itself. Don't worry, this will get easier to deal with. It sucks now, but it won't suck forever. Stay strong, and hold on to hope. <3

Take care,
-Lyndsee :]

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