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Anatidaephobia Offline
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Question What should i do? - March 5th 2011, 09:59 AM

I'm not exactly sure where this post should go but its about a friend so i figured i would write it here.

Anyway, i have been feeling really low recently and the other day i took an overdose... not for the first time either. Anyway i text my friend saying i was really sorry and that it wasn't her fault and she knows im suicidal.
But the other day at school she went and told a teacher what i had done. I was so mad at her. I managed to retain myself though and just keep out of my way. But i was tempted to go and hit her not that that would solve anything. Anyway she has made everything a million times worse for me and broken my trust. I know she was only trying to help but i still feel really betrayed. Not only that i now find out she has told some other people aswell and i don't know who knows so im so annoyed.
I got called out of lesson and questioned about what i did. I just didn't say anything. Anyway i was told that she was really upset about this whole thing and the night before i put my facebook status as "i would love to smah your head in right about now" it wasn't about her but she asumed it was. I want to apologise if this upset her but i really don't want to talk to her after what she has done. So i'm not sure what i should do :/

Sorry i know this was long and confusing but thank you for reading this if you did x


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Re: What should i do? - March 5th 2011, 02:45 PM

hey, i think your friend was concerned about you and told someone so you could get some help. i've been in a similiar situation as you a few years ago...a friend of mine told the school counselour that i was cutting and having problems with eating because she was just concerned about me and didn't know what else to. i was angry with her for a while, but in the end i realized that she was just trying to help.




   
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Re: What should i do? - March 6th 2011, 04:50 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry that you are having a rough time right now. You should know that your friend had every intention of getting you the help that you need. It wasn't ideal for you, but maybe that's what you need right now. She obviously care for you a lot, and wants the best for you. I think that you're really lucky to have her as a friend. You have every right to be mad at her though, she broke your trust. But you're going to realize at some point that she was in she right for doing it. I don't think that she telling everyone else was the best thing for her to do, but the past is the past, and we just need to learn how to cope a bit better with that. Use her telling someone as a tool to feel better. Use it as a motivation. Prove these people you can recover.

I think for right now you should apologize for what she thought you meant in you FB status. But also let her know that you are still upset with her for telling people, and that you will talk to her when you are ready. But in all honesty, you should cut her a bit of slack. She sacrificed her friendship with you for you so that you could get better. That says a lot about your friendship, and her as a person. She wasn't doing this to be spiteful, or malicious. Just remember that going through this angry is never helpful. It makes things tons harder. Try to remain as positive as you can. I know that it's tough, but it does make things easier. And after all, isn't that why we do the things that we do? To make thing easier?

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Re: What should i do? - March 7th 2011, 05:09 AM

Thank you I will apologise about the status and explain taht i'm stillannoyed about her saying something. I know i should caut her some slack but i think i just need time to calm down first she shes kinda stabbed me in the back and has made things worse but i know she was trying to help so i don't hate her i'm just angry.


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Re: What should i do? - March 7th 2011, 04:14 PM

Well I apologised and it couldn't have gone any worse :/


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Re: What should i do? - March 7th 2011, 05:50 PM

Can you tell us what happened?





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Re: What should i do? - March 7th 2011, 07:58 PM

i apologised for what i said on facebook and told her it wasn't even about her and she just kinda shrugged it of and though i was lying. I now find out all my other mates have been bitching behind my back so i can't trust anyone and now have noone :|


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Re: What should i do? - March 7th 2011, 08:21 PM

People that treat you like that, no matter how nice they've been to you, are not real friends. Of course it's hard to lose friends like that, but if that's how they treat you, they're not friends.

The only one that does seem like a friend, even though she hasn't been nice, is the one that got your FB message totally wrong. Try going to her in person and tell her you're sorry she misunderstood, tell her you want to talk about things. If she denies and pushes you away at that point, I think it would be best to move on and try to find people that do like you for who you are. That's what friends are, people that like you no matter what.





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Re: What should i do? - March 7th 2011, 08:27 PM

I did apologise to her about the facebook message but i'm still really mad at her for telling on me. I trusted her and i wish i never did.


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Re: What should i do? - March 7th 2011, 10:35 PM

In my opinion, a true friend will always look out for your best interests, no matter how it may affect the friendship itself. When you believe a friend is hurting themselves or contemplating suicide, the right thing to do is tell someone, to get them help. It's understandable that you're angry right now, because all you can see is that your trust was betrayed... but this goes beyond trust. When you believe a friend may die, you don't think about whether or not they'll be mad afterward. You don't think about how much it will cost to save them. You just do it, and that's what your friend tried to do.

Your friend knows you're angry with her. Chances are, as long as you remain hostile, she's not going to want to invest anything further in you (unless it's another perceived life-and-death situation - but that would just make you angry again, right?). So if you want her forgiveness, I suggest you forgive her first. That may take time, so why not take a few days to get help, then approach your friend again?





   
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Re: What should i do? - March 8th 2011, 07:29 PM

I don't know i mean i feel awful. I know she was only trying to help and all but shes made everything worse. I have been such a cow to her anyway by ignoring her i doubt if she woul want to bother anyway. I just don't want to get close to her again if i'm planning on killing myself soon anyway


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Re: What should i do? - March 8th 2011, 07:41 PM

Emma, I know this is going to sound corny, but it's not the end of the world. In your eyes, she only made things worse, but all she really did was try to help you. You can't blame her for that. Ending your life over this would be the worst thing you could do in this situation. It's not worth it to just throw everything away! It never is.

Take some time to settle down, to think things through. There's a conflict between the two of you and it would be for the best if it gets resolved, but you both have to be calm for that to happen. She's still your friend and I'm sure, that deep down inside, she wants the best for you. After settling down, walk up to her and apologize, then tell her you don't want to throw everything away and that you'd like to talk about things. Tell her about what her actions made you feel like. She'll get the message and work on it on her part, I'm sure.

You can do it Emma! No need to throw things away!

Feel free to email/PM if you want to talk about things.





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Re: What should i do? - March 8th 2011, 07:48 PM

No i 'm not going to end it because i feel out with her that was just the final straw i guess. But i tried talking to her and she hates me anyway. i don't blame her. So i know that its probably best to just kill myself soon


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Re: What should i do? - March 8th 2011, 07:58 PM

Emma, you have to give yourself - and her - some time. Think about it, do you really think ending your life over this is worth it? I beg to differ.

What about your future? A nice boyfriend, fiancé, husband, marriage, kids, good education, nice job, you name it! There is so much more to life than the things that have happened to you in the past. Of course it's hard and I'm not denying that at all, but drawing conclusions so quickly is the one thing you shouldn't do.

Give it some time and don't hurt yourself. Others have hurt you enough, it's time to stand up for yourself and say "I am not going to let others do this to me". Do the best you can in school, impress your parents, join a sport for all I know, do your best and see the opportunities that lie ahead. Give yourself something to live for and make yourself proud.

You can do it !!!





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Re: What should i do? - March 8th 2011, 08:00 PM

I know but i am just so sick of fighting, why should i fight anymore. if all my friends now hate me, im failing school and evrything so i dont see the point in trying i just dont have the energy anymore :/


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Re: What should i do? - March 8th 2011, 08:13 PM

I don't know what's causing you to turn to substance abuse, or what's led you to feeling depressed/suicidal... but I assure you that killing yourself is NEVER the answer. It is a permanent solution to temporary problems. Your friend tried to help you, which led to other people finding out about your struggles. I imagine that must have been very embarrassing and infuriating. You may have felt like your privacy was invaded, like your trust was betrayed, and you may feel like no one is willing to help you now.

But that's not true at all. In fact, I'd like to encourage you to do the opposite of what you're doing now. Rather than pushing everyone away, reach out to them. Tell a trusted adult about your substance abuse, your depression, and your suicidal ideation. Let them help you. I know it doesn't feel like anyone can, but you would be surprised as to how many caring people there are in this world. The people who have posted on this thread are some of those people, and they can't even see you in person! Imagine what someone at your school, at home, etc. could do for you, if you only told them what you needed.





   
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Re: What should i do? - March 8th 2011, 08:20 PM

I suppose your right but it's just so hard to admit that I need help or to ask for help. Especially now i'm on my own :/


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Re: What should i do? - March 8th 2011, 08:25 PM

It is hard to admit, definitely true. But you have to realize you're not on your own. You may feel like you are, but as Robin (PSY) above said, once you start looking, you'll find that there's a whole range of people that -do- care.

Getting help is the hardest step. Once you're past that, it will be such a relief. Once you've told a trusted person, you can finally clear your mind and feel free and happy and start working on the future...





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Re: What should i do? - March 9th 2011, 05:08 AM

I suppose
Thank you you have both helped so much


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Re: What should i do? - March 10th 2011, 07:14 PM

I think that I should probably apologise to my friend now but i'm not exactly sure How too. I don't think saying just sorry is enough after how I have acted so does anyone have any ideas on How I can apologise?


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Re: What should i do? - March 10th 2011, 07:25 PM

Emma,

I agree with the said above advice you're given. I think you need to put it into motion, and work through these things by trying what has been suggested. Maybe write your friend a letter. Give her the most honest apology, and do your best to work towards recovery. She is more apt to come around if she sees some positivity within your letter. However, actions speak louder then words. You need to show her that you're sorry, and that you're getting better.

After you apologize to her, there is nothing more you can really do. It's out of your hands. She is going to either want to be friends with you, or she isn't. The ball is in her court, and you can't change her mind if it's been made up. Just give her time. She will come around at some point. I believe this because if she is willing to sacrafice your friendship to get you help, then that shows that she really cares about you. It shows that she loves you, and wants the best for you. She is mad right now, and so are you. It's ok to be mad. Just don't force it. Lie low for a bit, and give each other space.


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Re: What should i do? - March 10th 2011, 07:39 PM

Thank you that sounds like a good idea.
What should I like put in the letter then?


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Re: What should i do? - March 10th 2011, 07:50 PM

I'll list a few key points for you :]

-Explain who the status was for and why you put that
-Explain that you're still a little mad at her for outing you, but you understand that what she did was for the best
-Apologize for what has happened, and take accountability for your part.
-Tell her the changes you want to see within the frienship
-Tell her that you still want to be friends with her, but you understand if she needs time
-Ask what you can do

Make sure this letter is sincere, and honest. :]
Good luck!


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Re: What should i do? - March 11th 2011, 04:28 AM

Thank you


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