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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Someday Offline
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Unhappy My Mum Is Verbally Abusive - March 20th 2011, 12:00 AM

As the title suggests, my Mum doesn't know when to just stop. She'll pick an argument over the smallest of things, and not let it go. That's not just moaning, but shouting at me calling me everything under the sun(@ midnight for all the neighbours to hear, incredibly hurtful things that have made me way too self-conscious), banging on my door and bashing her feet on the floor like a spoilt child that doesn't get her way. I wouldn't mind quite so much, but everything in my life is completely f*cked up(see an older thread of mine for a brief idea), and the only way of fixing any of it involves her contacting various people/places because well... I have no idea where to start, it's the kind of thing I need my Mum's help with. And regarding the racket I am forced to endure, I'd say it's about 3 out of every 4 nights(and days). There'll be the occasional day where she's exhausted so doesn't bother or she's actually like her old self, but that's rare.

Now, I could probably just about put up with it, but I don't know what the problem actually is. I know that her herself is a great Mum, and we used to have a great relationship. But the problem is one of 3 things; side-effects of her anti-depressants, alcohol or the depression itself... or a combination of the 3. She's had a horrible few years in all fairness, but so have I. I wish she'd realise that because the moment I have the means to put a roof over my own head I'm out of here. And I want to have some sort of positive relationship left with her, as opposed to us both feeling like we ruined each other's lives, which is where we are right now.

I don't have a lock on my door, so I'd just go for a walk. Only thing is, I could never consciously leave my cat behind with her, as I'd be constantly worried for his well-being. I'd talk to my half-sister, but she tried to end her own life last year(I'm not supposed to know) and I just feel kinda idk... like my problems aren't nearly as bad as her's. I'd talk to someone from social services or something along those lines, but I simply can't move away from the very last remaining threads of my once good life(my Mum's already in trouble with them, so this would pretty much guarantee I have to leave). I'd speak to a neighbour, but the only neighbour I know looks like the sort that should be in prison. He's actually come around here a few times, but only when my Mum has been mad at me and wanted to threaten me physically(he's huge) as opposed to just verbally. I'd talk to a friend, but I've been out of school for a whole year and I have no best friends that I feel I can trust.

If every other aspect of my life wasn't completely screwed up I would be able to manage, but I feel like I'm stuck here with absolutely no way out. Every way I turn, there's a reason I can't do anything about it. So I just sit here, and put up with it, like I have been doing the last 3 years.

So yeah any advice at all would be enormously appreciated, as honestly if I had the guts to do it I'd have killed myself by now. Is there anything I can do? I just feel completely alone here


“Somewhere there is someone that dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely remember it’s true, someone somewhere is thinking of you.”

   
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Re: My Mum Is Verbally Abusive - March 20th 2011, 02:53 AM

Hey! I'm proud of you for not hurting yourself You're never alone here

I'm sorry to hear about the things your mum does The alcohol, depression, and anti-depressants are one heck of a combination that doesn't mix very well. Your mom sounds a bit like my mom, but minus the alcohol and anti-depressants... I had this happen with my mom before I moved out, and even then, I was "abandoning" her. Sometimes, having distance between each other makes people realize what they don't have anymore. (like a relationship) You said you didn't like the idea of Social Services? How come? Just curious Counselors are here so we can someone who we can vent to in person if we don't have someone we trust to go to. And you wouldn't be letting go of the past you've had with your mum Nothing can ever take that away from you Social Services almost took me away with my mom too. But that thought just made her worse, because it was my fault that I brought them into the picture. However, they can make people to go to counseling in order to keep their kids, or some other alternative. They do keep you in mind too! Don't let anything stop you from getting what you deserve. It can be a long and very hard road, but in the end, there's always something good from it. Your mum is never going to be out of your life completely if you don't want her to be.

As for taking a walk, I like that idea!! I know it might be a little silly, but maybe take your cat on the walk with you! They have collars and cat leashes at pet stores!

Hope this gives you a bit of a start! I'm always here if you want to talk! And remember, you're #1 in your life that you have to look out for. Do what you think is best for YOU first



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I'm always here if you want to talk!
   
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Re: My Mum Is Verbally Abusive - March 20th 2011, 02:22 PM

First, thanks for the reply

Well, I'm under an education supervision order(something like that) until just after I turn 16, so telling anyone from social services about this would likely not be a good idea.

Can't take the cat for a walk as he hates collars, tried before. He just wriggled out of it.

And the only things I can do at this point to benefit me would involve leaving the cat here, and I just can't do that to him.


“Somewhere there is someone that dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely remember it’s true, someone somewhere is thinking of you.”

   
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Re: My Mum Is Verbally Abusive - March 21st 2011, 02:27 AM

Ahh. Educational supervision?? The only thing that really popped up was teachers under google, lol. What are the restrictions with you and your Mom?

Shall we work on doing something that will benefit you at home? Music loud, with headphones? Playing with your cat and teach him new tricks? You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but maybe a cat would work instead! haha Write a letter to your mom and rip it up? Buying one of those bolt latch locks and putting that on your door? --> Compromise with your mom: either respect your space or you get a lock? reading, teaching your cat tricks, writing a memoir of your life... These are just a few ideas, you know yourself and what you like the best! Hope it helps a little And another smiley just cause I like them and everyone needs a smile



A computer once beat me at chess,
but it was no match for me at kickboxing!

I'm always here if you want to talk!
   
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Smile Re: My Mum Is Verbally Abusive - March 21st 2011, 04:30 AM

Basically she goes to prison if my education isn't sorted out by November this year, in other words the law sucks and doesn't take into account special circumstances. And I know that contacting social services would immediately question my Mum's ability as a parent, which I can't risk.

Had headphones and they were awesome, but unfortunately they broke just before I started feeling depressed Gonna send them back for a replacement set though

The cat doesn't do tricks, he just sleeps around all day looking adorable though haha

And I'll tell her about the lock compromise, thanks for the suggestion!


“Somewhere there is someone that dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely remember it’s true, someone somewhere is thinking of you.”

   
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Re: My Mum Is Verbally Abusive - March 22nd 2011, 03:03 AM

glad i could help even a little hope things get better! I'm always here if you need to vent or talk to!



A computer once beat me at chess,
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I'm always here if you want to talk!
   
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