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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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banana_face77 Offline
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Name: Elisa
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I love my parents, but sometimes... - April 8th 2011, 04:46 AM

My parents have been divorced for exactly a decade. They both have found new spouses and all seems happy. On the surface at least.
My mom is super controlling of me because she feels threatened by my dad. Every time I go over there, she asks me if he is conspiring against her. She asks me this because both of my brothers moved out of my mom's house when they were about 17 and into my dad's because they couldn't stand my mom anymore.
That has been the ongoing struggle for a while.
Everytime I go over to his house, she cries as well. She makes it hard on me to go over there. Because I am such a people pleaser, I find myself staying at her house for long periods at a time because I feel bad. Now, I only see my dad once a week, even though he lives like 10 minutes away. He gets mad at me because I don't see him enough. I'm stuck in this paradox and I don't know what to do.
I love my mom, but she is too controlling and hasn't really been a "motherly" figure in my life.
I love my dad, but he doesn't understand me or the pressures that I face.
They both use me against the other, even 10 years later.
   
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SparklingWine Offline
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Re: I love my parents, but sometimes... - April 8th 2011, 06:07 AM

Elisa,

I am really sorry that they are putting you in the middle of their issues. Have you tried talking to your parents about this? I think you really need to talk to your mom and tell her that you love your dad and you want to seem him, but she makes it extremely difficult because she makes you feel bad. Also explain to her what you guys do when you're there. Assure her that you aren't conspiring against her, and that you love each other the same. This should put her mind at ease more. As for your dad, explain to him that you're doing what you can to see him. Tell your mom that your dad wants to see you more. I think you should ultimately decide when you get to see each parent (with moderation). If you want to see your dad twice or three times a week, push for that. You have a right to see him. He is your dad. Your mom can feel the way that she feels, but she needs to be more mature about it. I hope all goes well. Take care. <3


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