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-   -   I just want to help... (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f18-friends-family/t74763-i-just-want-help/)

LazzaBeep May 20th 2011 10:53 PM

I just want to help...
I have left a few posts about my family life, as it is very hard to deal with at the moment.

My 10 year old sister had ADHD. She was diagnosed at the age of 6 so we have been dealing with this for almost 5 years (she is 11 in a few months). She is currently awaiting tests for Autism.
I am actually scared to say anything in my home because the slightest thing can set her off. For example, the other day, my mother asked me to clean the sitting room. My sister had left her school shoes on the floor and I simply put them in her bedroom. When she found out, she went mental. She punched and kicked me and cried and screamed for an hour and a half.
This is hard to deal with on its own...

Then a few weeks ago my mother went really ill and was admitted to hospital. She has Diabetes and needs a lot of help at present. Trying to help mom with my sister and around the house, as well as trying to juggle my college work, my university applications, finding a job and my social life, its really hard for me to deal with.
As well as all of this, I have another sister who is 14. She is also finding this hard to deal with but unlike me, she physically can't share her feelings. She shuts herself down and only leaves her bedroom for school. The only time I see her smile is when we go to our dads, every other weekend (my parents divorced when I was 5 and she was 1. My 10 year old sister is from my moms second marriage)

I want to do something to help everyone. As I speak my mother is sleeping on our sitting room sofa because my 10 year old sister won't go to bed. It is tiring her out and it is not good for her condition.
I just don't know what I can do to help...

Heretic May 22nd 2011 07:47 AM

Re: I just want to help...
When your sister is brought in to be screened for Autism, you should ask the psychologist/psychiatrist about a medication for the ADHD, if she isn't already taking one. If she is on medication, then it should be suggested to the doctor that the medication is either ineffective or not doing what it should be doing. ADHD can be very hard to deal with for the person who as it, as well as the people who are around the person frequently (like family). Because a person with ADHD isn't always in complete control of emotions, she can be dangerous to you, your mother, your other sister, and to herself. You mention that she punched and kicked at what seemed like a minor incident. While she's probably physically weaker than you, it's still not worth risking injury to anyone.

It's noble and very kind of you to be taking care of your mother while you're dealing with your sister. However, you should at least try to take some time to yourself every day. Even if it's only five or ten minutes, if you had some time to relax alone, with your own undistracted thoughts, you'd be able to clear your mind at least somewhat and be more relaxed when dealing with whatever issues arise in your house (and outside of it, too).

Your other sister (the 14 year old) is probably overwhelmed with everything around her and doesn't know what to do about it or how to cope with it. While she may not be open to talking about her thoughts and feelings, you should at least remind her that you're always there for her, and that it's better for her to talk to someone (even if it isn't you) about it rather than hold it all in for too long. You were fourteen years old too once, so you probably remember it as being one of the more tumultuous years of your life. There's a lot going on when you're fourteen, and to be confronted with your ten year old sister and your mother's issues only compounds that.

I think you're doing about everything you can within your power to help. Just make sure that you've taken care of yourself and your own needs before you try to openly take on someone else's challenges. :)

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