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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy All of them hate me now... - May 30th 2011, 01:16 AM

All of my friends are mad at me. There's this guy, M, who is kinda depressed and all of my friends usually try to help him, but then behind his back lately they're calling him moody. So I asked him whether he was in a fight with J and A, who had been saying things about him like that. Then he asked me if they were calling him pathetic, and that set off something in my mind and I remembered someone saying something about someone being pathetic, so I thought it was J and A saying that about M. And I told M they were calling him that, because I honestly remembered it that way, and I didn't want anyone talking about M like that behind his back. Well, it turns out, I got it mixed up with a whole different situation, and A and J never called M pathetic.
Now, M's mad at me for lying to him, J and A are mad because I lied to M about them. My best friend N, I also kind of annoyed, because she thinks that I lied about that for no reason too.
Also, in that conversation with M, I told him that he wasn't the only one, because J and A, as well as J's girlfriend S, are sort of off in their own little group being mean to everyone. This is actually true and N, as well as my other friends H and L, are all kind of sad because they felt left out.

Well A found out I told M that they're mean, and she got mad. I didn't want her to be mad at N, H, or L, so I just kept on saying I lied, and I blamed it all on me. So that made A even madder, and also, she talked to H and N, and I think they think that I tried to blame it on them!
So now all my friends are mad and think that I'm trying to turn people against each other because I want attention... I told them I knew it was my fault and stuff, but they just ignored that.
I don't know what to do! I'm mad at M, for telling EVERYONE every single detail of what I said, I'm mad at J for calling me attention obsessed, drama queen, popular wanna-be, etc. And I'm just sad that A's mad at me, because I told her the truth and I know she has every right to be mad... I just don't know what to do.
   
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Re: All of them hate me now... - May 30th 2011, 02:37 AM

Welcome to TeenHelp! I'm sorry to hear about your situation - you're in a bit of a tough spot!

First of all, people tend to stay mad for a while. When they feel they've been wronged, they can't always bring themselves to forgive a person right away... especially when you're young and prone to experiencing intense emotions! So you need to be patient with your friends - they probably aren't going to come around right away. They'll need some time to cool down, to observe you, and to decide for themselves that you're truly sorry for what happened.

Secondly, talking with one person at a time vs. everyone as a group will be much, MUCH easier for you. What I would do is make a list of each friend, and make a list of ways in which you might have angered them. For some friends, it might just be one thing (for example, with H and N, "I gave someone else the wrong impression; now H and N might be mad because they think I tried to pin all the blame on them.") For other friends, it may be a lengthy list, but come up with everything you can. DO NOT write down anything that could be blamed on other people - just make a list of what YOU need to own up to. Then, call those friends and ask if you could meet them at your house, their house, or somewhere neutral - if school is the only place where you can meet, try to make it before or after school, so your friends don't mutter about how you're "trying to get attention" during lunchtime. When talking to your friend one-on-one, acknowledge everything you wrote down on the list, apologize once again, and state that you hope you can be forgiven in time and restore your friendship with that person. Don't utter a single word about your one-on-one conversation with ANYONE else, not even if they're nice when asking, and not even if they say they already talked to the other person in question. You've already gotten into enough trouble for talking about other people when they weren't around.

If one or more friends don't want to forgive you, then that's their loss. Make the best of your situation, and if things become too hostile with your group of friends, don't be afraid to make new friends! People always say that groups of friends are "set in stone", but that's simply not true! You can join clubs/organizations/sports at your school and meet new people who have similar interests. Once you are accepted as a member of the club/organization/sport, it'll be easy to make friends, meet your new friends' friends, and develop a new circle of friends as a result. =)

I wish you all the best. Take care!






   
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Re: All of them hate me now... - May 30th 2011, 04:23 PM

Thanks so much for replying :/ I really needed to talk to someone, since all of the people I usually talk to are kind of mad.
I took your advice with a couple people, and they listened, and I think the rest need some time. Thanks so much for the advice : )
   
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Re: All of them hate me now... - May 30th 2011, 09:02 PM

You're welcome, and I'm glad my advice proved useful for you! =) If you're looking for people to talk to, then you definitely came to the right place. =D We also have a public chat room, HelpLINK, and LiveHelp chat room if you want to get in touch with more people on TeenHelp.






   
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