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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Raging Rant - June 1st 2011, 04:15 PM

So, my 'best'friend of 14 years decided to block me on facebook as a goodbye to our friendship.

"One, I finally managed to remove myself from an extremely unhealthy 'friendship.' I decided it was time for me to stop clinging to a childhood memory and open my eyes to five years of neglect and abusive emotional behavior. However, this 'friend' I've known for over ten years. Though I have decided to remove myself from the situation to get rid of the stress it has been inflicting on me, but obviously you can't just let go of someone without response (I.e. Today I got a lovely text: "Fuck you. You bitch.") to me it's a matter of just dropping a silly lable that has pretty much been kept up for our pitiful convinience for the past five years." Quote from her on some blog thing as she rants about how terrible it is that her parents are making a serious effort to push her to go to college and start making decisions, and how hard it is on her that shes has the skills and is motivated enough to beable to do all IB classes and suceed in life... >.> You maybe able to tell that that annoys me.
The points she makes are completely fair, she did well in school, I started doing drugs. I started drifting away because she can be a HUGE dogmatic B**CH. She will shove her opinion down your throught with the force of a super fast train. And she will put you down. And believes she is always right. Direct quote from her while I was sitting on her floor one night waiting for her to be done with her two hour phone conversation.(as she ignored me) "I'm ALWAYS right." ... pretentious b**ch. Anyways, I did indeed start neglecting the relationship. I was doing drugs, had abusive boyfriends, and a rather angry negative home life for a while. And I could not STAND how she treated me. OR herself. She was very closed off and I didnt even know that she cared about me at all. She would never tell anyone how she was feeling. And was very incredibly passive agressive. That means you know shes very mad at you, but you have no idea why.

I guess it just boggles me. I was always willing to be emotionaly there for her. And I'm glad she is looking out for herself and removing me from her life. But her absolute lack of attention to my emotions sucks and pisses me off. She was the one I had to origionaly remove myself from, and I feel like everything in being blaimed on my faults and she is not seeing hers. I do see mine. I reacted irrationaly when I found out she had blocked me and texted her saying "F you. You bit**." I should not have done that. I sent her this.
"I take back what I said. I should not have said that to yout, it was entirely irrelevent and you in no way deserved me saying that to you. Thank you for returning my CD. I did not feel like you excepted or recognized that I care for you and am there for you. I felt shut out from your life. I felt like you never recognized my emotions. So I left. I'm sorry for never saying this to you in a non drunk mannor. You deserve an explanation of why I desapered. If you would ever like to have a relationship with me in the future I need you to be less agressive towards me, because I cannot handle it. If you want I am sincerely open to hearing from you what I did to hurt you and what you feel I could have done better. So in the future I can improve my actions."

She refuses to respond to anything I send her. So perhaps she does recognize that she had faults too in the situation. I am proud of her. She is taking care of and looking after herself. But it hurts to think that she may truly believe that I am the all around bad guy. I had a really aggressive suicidal alchoholic dad for a short period of time(2 or 3 yrs he was like that) so I think that maybe the reason aggression just breaks me. Its a huge weekness for me and I just cant stand up to it. I have to get away from it. I'm just sad. And hurt. She never gave me anything to work with, not a goodbye or anything. And I'm sad. I know I ended up not being a good friend to her. I was not there, I didnt return calls. I know I neglected her but was not awear what the emotional abuse besides that was... I know all I can do is move on. Any advice?


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"Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

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Re: Raging Rant - June 1st 2011, 07:38 PM

Moving on is never easy. At first, you constantly think about your friend. You feel the urge to text them "one last time" so they "really know how you feel". Even after send that "last" text message, however, you will still feel as if things are unresolved, because the other person has chosen to not respond. So all you can do is keep thinking positive thoughts about your friend, hoping that one day, she'll realize you weren't a "bad person". In the meantime, concentrate on making things right in your own life. If everything is in order, live the life you've always wanted to, without drugs and abuse. Maybe your friend will see you again someday, or hear about you, and also think, "Good for her, she's got her act together," just as you've thought, "Good for her, she's looking out for herself."






   
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Re: Raging Rant - June 1st 2011, 07:41 PM

A true friend is someone who will always be there for you. This person sounds like she was never there for you; but you were always there for her.it also sounds like this was always a one way relationship; and never a two way relationship. Also, you must congratulate yourself on admitting to your own wrongs in the situation. Loosing a longtime friend; and then knowing you may never hear from them again; is a pain that is very difficult to deal with. The pain, though, will eventually go away when you make new friends.
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