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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
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How to talk to my mom? - June 7th 2011, 09:52 PM

So, I've come to realize that I'm suffocating in this house. I live with my mom, and my brother. Last march I was supposed to move to Montana, but because of complications and school, I chose to stay at home.

I feel soo depressed living here at home. My mom has an Eating Disorder, and is always cranky. I'm stuck raising my brother. It's like, I used to think that I had something going for me here, but really.. I don't.

My grandma and I were talking, and she says I really need to move out and do something with my life because I'm not growing where I live. I have the option to move to Montana again.. and I'm wondering if I should take it. Sure, moving will be hard, and it's quite the move from where I am now.. but I need to start living life. I need to start learning how to be an adult. Because let's face it, I have little to none skills to help me when I move out. Moving out now I could live with a friend, and I guess I would have to learn and mature pretty quickly. You know? I just see this as a huge opportunity for growth and living my life again..

Another thing is, mom wants to control everything. Including my car. I'm on her insurance, and it doesn't end until August third. She says other wise. So now, she is making me give her my keys to my car, and I refuse. The car is in my name, I'm still insured. Nothing she can do. And I'm nineteen, as well.

I'm going to montana for most of the summer, where I will discuss my options with my friend, and we're going to talk about me potentially moving..

Last time I almost moved, mom told me I was throwing my life away and what not. And basically did not approve of it. So how do I tell mom that I might be moving. Should I wait until I decide? I just don't even know what to think right now. Any information about anything would be helpful. Is it even a good idea to move?

OH! One more thing... After being in inpatient treatment, I've decided it's best to not go back to school, because I'll just get stressed again. My body/mind needs a break.. I know mom will be mad and probably kick me out when she knows, so what do I tell her to minimize the negative reaction?

Sorry about the long post. It's not often I post for advice anymore.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Everglow. Offline
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Re: How to talk to my mom? - June 8th 2011, 03:05 PM

Hey Lynds,

I understand why it's a hard decision for you over whether ot not to move out, but I feel here you should listen to that little voice at the back of your head which has already decided the best option for you. I find that whenever it comes to things like this, the overwhelming feeling is usually the best one to go with. It's a good idea that you're going to discuss it with a friend, living with someone will be easier to cop with, and if you choose to move to Montana, I wish you the very best!

As for talking to your mum; I assume she understands what you go through in terms of how you feel? Perhaps calmly explaining to her why it would be the best option for you would be a good idea. It's natural that she'll be upset and yes, she may ask you to stay, but she's your mum, you know? Mums don't want their babies to grow up and leave home, it's in their nature to want to keep you there as long as possible because, well because you're always going to be their baby no matter how old you are. You will have to reassure her that it is the best option and that you'll be safe and happier somewhere you have more breathing space and responsability. You're not throwing your life away, you're beginning your life. She'll need to understand that what you feel happy with should make her happy because you wont be upset. And I think probably giving her time to prepare and take your decision in would best, so maybe tell her you're thinking about it but haven't come to a complete decision yet. Then when you do, inform her of it and explain to her that it is your choice to move out and you hope she'll be happy for you.

As for school, that is your choice. You can only do what your mind and body can cope with, you shouldn't push yourself over the edge by forcing yourself to do something that really doesn't make you happy at all. Surely you can always go back to school later on if you wish to return then, but if right now leaving is what's best, then good luck with that! I think the same advice applies really, sit down and talk to her about your choice and explain why it is best. Maybe you could get a teacher to talk to her aswell as if it comes from a professional and yourself she may react slightly better. I can understand why she would be upset, but surely with calm and polite conversations about the topic, she can adjust and accept your decision.

I hope I've helped you a bit here, and I wish you all the best in talking to your mum and in whatever choice you make about moving and school. PM me anytime if you want to talk.

Take care,

❤ Nana ❤

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

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Re: How to talk to my mom? - June 8th 2011, 09:12 PM

Hi, Lynds. It's understandable that you're stressed. There are a lot of decisions you need to make, and you're under plenty of pressure, so make sure you can find time to relax and be yourself. Switch your brain off for a bit and play some video games, get out of that house and go for a walk, meet friends and people that make you feel happy. You can't solve all your problems at once, and you shouldn't have to rush these decisions. Take care of yourself, for you are the most important person in your life.

Only you know whether or not you want to move house. There are advantages and disadvantages to both options, so give it plenty of thought. You may never be sure which is the right choice, but as long as you can stick with it, you'll know you gave it your best shot. Tell your mum you're considering moving before you make a final choice, or at least prepare her for the possibility. Give her time to adjust to the idea. She'll never want to see you go, but you can't let this stop you. You've got to live your own life, and you shouldn't be ashamed of doing so wholeheartedly.

Try to give her what she needs to take the news best: if she wants to talk about it, if she wants to think about it on her own, if she wants any more information. You could try asking her for advice on the more complicated moving stuff, or see if she could help you learn some of those skills you'll need to know. Let her be your mum for a bit. Try to turn your times into pleasant ones. You don't want to leave with regrets, especially not with an argument.

Have you talked to your brother about this? Hopefully he will support your choice, but it is important that he knows as well.

I'm glad you're talking to a friend and your grandma, who can give you good advice on where you're going. At the end of the day, you have the right to make the final decision, and as long as you're happy other people's objections shouldn't matter too much. This includes whether or not you go back to school. Don't put any extra pressure on yourself if you're struggling.

The only worry I have with you moving is that you will be such a way from everybody you have to support you now. Of course you have all of TH and your roommate, but think carefully about if you feel strong enough to really branch out on your own. You should definitely take this opportunity to turn your life around, but moving is just the beginning. Definitely get familiar with the chores of moving out, the cooking and cleaning and all of that, and know the area you'll be living in, too.

Again, make sure you're getting enough 'me time'. You've taken so much shit from life, and you're still dealing with your mum and taking care of your brother. Frankly, you're amazing, and you deserve to feel it. Spoil yourself once in a while. Relax and try to forget about everything you should be doing. It is your life you're leading, so don't forget about yourself and your body. You matter.

Here are all my best wishes, and all the luck I can give you!
r&r xx

Have a free hug.

Why be stingy? Take another.

It's gonna be okay.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
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Re: How to talk to my mom? - June 9th 2011, 01:58 AM

Wow! Thank you so much for the wonderful responses. I can't thank you enough. I think the problem with my mom is that even if I mention the idea of moving out, she is still going to be mad.. She is conflicted between wanting to kick me out, and not wanting me to give up college to go to Montana... But I can only handle so much. I feel like this is going to be a scary thing.. moving that is. But it also is going to be beneficial. I just feel I need to grow up. But what if I am doing the wrong thing? I don't know.. it's such a huge thing.. My mind is just all over the place today. Thank you for your responses though<3

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Lynds :)
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Location: Seattle

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Re: How to talk to my mom? - June 16th 2011, 08:03 AM

Well, I told mom that I am moving and my plans for college. She is completely okay with this, and she is supportive. It's such a relief. It makes everything that I'm doing feel better. I'm moving in two weeks. I'm really nervous, but so excited.

I'm going to close this for now, as everything seems to be running smoothly!
And thanks again to those who helped

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