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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Bibliophile Offline
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Attention seekers. - June 22nd 2011, 08:03 PM

So, my friend has another friend. Let's call them F and V. V is constantly texting her, and calling her if she doesn't respond almost immediately. F is struggling herself, and can't always reply to texts instantly and/or answer calls as she has exams and such at the moment. V seems to think this is a reason to take it all out on F, she leaves offline messages and emails for her which can often be abusive if she isn't 'good enough', and there for her all the time.
F is staying with me tonight, and V has had her in tears by texting her, MSN-ing her, and trying to call her.

I honestly don't know how to speak to V about the effect she's having on F. She only seems to think about what she wants, and jumps to conclusions.

Thank you for anything!
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Re: Attention seekers. - June 22nd 2011, 10:03 PM

Some people are just selfish like that. Best approach is a direct one, in my opinion. If F isn't willing to speak up, and if you're comfortable enough with doing so, then confront V and tell her she needs to stop harassing F. She will not accomplish anything by bullying F... if anything, by guilt-tripping her, calling her a horrible friend, begging for her attention, etc. she's just going to push F even further away. And if words gets out that V treats her friends like this, then she's likely to suffer further consequences for her actions. V may or may not get the message, and she may or may not become more aggressive for a while; however, if F wants some peace during her studies, I think this may be the best way to do it. F could try ignoring V's messages altogether, but that would just bring her down to V's level. F may also want to consider blocking V for a short period of time if V's behavior worsens after being told to leave F alone.

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Re: Attention seekers. - June 22nd 2011, 10:09 PM

Honestly, I think you should tell V in a nice way that F is going through some hard things right now, and while V might not mean to make F feel worse, she kind of is. I mean, obviously this is easier said than done. If I were in your situation, I would talk to V and say something like "Hey V, F is going through a really hard time right now, what with exams and stuff. So do you think it's possible that you could maybe ease up a little on her. It's awesome that you want to talk to her, but it's all getting to be too much. And right now, she needs support." I would also encourage F to talk to V about this as well. And also, I would tell F to try and not focus on V even though her words may hurt. I think that maybe F needs her distance from V if the emails and such are abusive. F doesn't need anymore stress than she already has. Hope this helped even a little. <3

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Re: Attention seekers. - June 22nd 2011, 10:10 PM

Hey gorgeous. Can't promise this'll be great, I'm only replying because you asked me to.
First, give F a hug from me.
I've had a friend a little like this before who only spoke to me when she wanted/needed advice and when I gave her some, she would tell me how stupid and pathetic my advice was and just generally be bitchy about it. The best thing F can do is to get away from V. By the sounds of it, V is not having a very good effect on F and if F is already struggling and all V does is bug her constantly and put her down for not being 'good enough' then F is definitely better off without her, even if it's only short term until F can get back on her feet. I know it can be hard but sometimes you have to think about what's best for you in order to help others.
Meanwhile, just keep being the awesome friend you are to her and support her whenever you can. Anyone who makes you cry and/or feel miserable isn't worth your time. Tell F she's too special to be brought down by someone so low.
Hope you're both okay, hugs to you both.

Nat. <3

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