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hphasatwin13 Offline
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Exclamation Driving Troubles - July 28th 2011, 07:08 PM

okay i'm in the drivers ed program at my school and i'm going to start driving with my teacher on monday. problem is i have a bunch of confidence issues and haven't even been on the road yet. Today i counted and i've only driven a total of five times. Now i have the weekend to learn how to be a decent driver i'm terrified of the road and what do my parents do?

They treat going out to practice like it's some huge reward even though know i'm terrifed. Stuff like this has happened before and i'm pretty sure i know what it is. I have a brother who is two years older then me and has gone through alot these past few years. I know that they can't really seperate us much. as it is my parents claimed that i couldn't take Ap classes because of what they did my brother and anything stressful happens and they suddenly want to fix it. Except when i actualy need them.

i've tried talking, but manipulation is a family trait that skipped me so i ended up in tears after being told the i was an "ungratful" child. i don't know what to do i feel like i'm going to break down because this is just another reason i'm not good enough. I know that i should be more understanding because my mom's on heavy drugs(for fibre milacha astma and others) all the time and my dad works, but i don't want to make an idiot out of myself come monday. Please help how can i get them to see The diffrence Beetween what i want to do and what i need to do.
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Re: Driving Troubles - July 28th 2011, 08:33 PM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp! =)

Driving is scary for most people at first. Five times isn't nearly enough to give you confidence in your ability to handle unexpected situations while driving. It's going to take months of practice before you feel more comfortable, and probably a good year or two before you're REALLY confident in your abilities. So don't beat yourself up for being nervous. Don't forget that your teacher is there to make sure nothing bad happens, and there's nothing wrong with asking for clarification before/after getting behind the wheel. =D

I'm not entirely sure what's going on with your parents, but it's clear that you need to improve your communication with them. I don't think simply stating what you want to do vs. what you need to do will solve your problem, though. It sounds like you're all on different pages. When any of you say something that isn't clearly understood, it can lead to anger/resentment, which leads to fighting and crying. I'm not sure it's manipulative... maybe they just don't understand, and you need to find a way to make them understand.

For example, most parents DO see driving as a privilege. In their minds, giving you to opportunity to drive is a reward, because many teens don't get to take lessons until they're 18 or older. If you were to tell them you were scared and dreading your lesson, they could interpret that in two ways: 1) you're scared but still want to learn how to drive, or 2) you're too scared to learn how to drive. The first interpretation would prompt them to give you support and encouragement ("It's okay, you'll be fine!"), while the second interpretation would prompt them to become frustrated ("So what if you're scared, suck it up!"). Understandably, the second response would upset you... but are your parents really being manipulative? I don't know. It could just be "tough love" on their end. We often have to deal with scary or uncomfortable situations in order to accomplish something important, and learning how to drive, in many people's eyes, is pretty important.

So here's where the communication comes in: do you want to learn how to drive? If so, tell your parents that you want to learn, but you're nervous. Rather than saying, "I'm scared," and letting them interpret the situation (possibly in a negative way), be very clear and say, "I'm scared, can you help me study for my first lesson?" That way, your request is as clear as it could possibly be. If you don't want to learn how to drive, then tell your parents why, and what you're going to do as an alternative. As previously mentioned, some reasons, such as, "I'm scared," won't be readily accepted by your parents. If you're scared now, you'll probably still be scared as an adult. If you have to confront your fears someday, it might as well be now, right? Other reasons, like not wanting to deal with car insurance/the hassle of parking at school, are more acceptable; however, you need to have an alternative in mind. Your parents may not want to keep driving you everywhere after a certain point, so how are you going to get around town? Bus? Carpool? Bike? A good reason would be because you don't feel ready yet, and want a few more months to study before getting on the road. Again, you need to be clear with your parents about what you want, why you want it, and what you're going to do to get what to want.

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