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pezpollution Offline
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Mom's changed. - September 25th 2011, 12:39 AM

I'm not sure if this is in the right section or not, feel free to change it.
Okay so two years ago today my dad died and my mom has changed. Don't get me wrong, I think about him everyday, but me and my mom haven't had a normal conversation since he died. A couple weeks after he died we moved to Ireland so my mom would be closer to her parents. But they haven't helped a bit. My mom won't even look at me. I feel like a burden to her. Its like she doesn't even care about anything anymore, and I miss my dads side of the family. She only let me visit them once, and she wouldn't come. My cousins offered me to move in with them in Canada, I really want to but I don't want to leave my mom. I know I don't mean anything to her but I still love her. Before my dad died it wasn't like this. We were happy, she talked all the time, and she smiled.
I just don't know what to do anymore:\
   
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Re: Mom's changed. - September 25th 2011, 02:56 AM

Hi Thomas,

I'm sorry about your loss. Not only dad, but it also seems, mom as well.

Your mom is grieving, which is understandable. However, after two years, she should be coping and feeling better than she apparently does. So, what she might have are manifestations of a major depression, which would (and should) get proper medical attention. The symptoms you're describing are really consistent with that, and the recommendation for medical intervention seems pretty sound. Can you talk with your grandparents about that?

Please be aware that depression is often an all consuming illness that really changes and disables the person afflicted. The symptoms you see (and have described here) really reflect the depression, not so much your mom or her actual feelings towards you. It might seem that she's abandoned you, but in effect, she's also abandoned herself. We need to help her get back, and to do that, she should see a doctor, and you should discuss and explore the possibility of being in a place that is more comfortable for you, at least until she's back on her feet.


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Re: Mom's changed. - September 25th 2011, 08:54 PM

Thanks, Both me and my grandparents have tried to get her to go to therapy and to a doctor but she won't go. She was always very stubborn:|
   
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Re: Mom's changed. - September 25th 2011, 09:30 PM

Perhaps your mom can't bear to look at you because you remind her of your dad and that hurts too much?

Perhaps it's because she know she should talk to you, but she can't bring herself to do so, so she looks away.

She's clearly hurting, which is understandable - two years is a short space of time in terms of death and grieving.

If it seems like she doesn't care about anything anymore then, as Dr.Bobby said, she is probably depressed.

She may be able to pull herself out of this in time, but it could take years. Getting some professional help would speed things up.

Have you tried talking to her gently? Maybe if she knows you are worried about her she will go and see your doctor?


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Re: Mom's changed. - September 25th 2011, 11:43 PM

Thomas, as you see, depression affects one's ability to think clearly. Your mom took the extraordinary step of moving back to her parents b/c she knows on some level she needs help, she's there for them to care for her and help her get better. However, there's that resistance, but that shouldn't distract your grandparents. They should (gently) insist she go, and keep at it until she does.

Your well being needs to be taken into account here, too, and that should be mentioned as well. Parents often do for their kids that which they cannot do for themselves, in this case seeing a doc and getting some medication and therapy. Your well being is linked hers, the sooner she gets better the sooner you can be back where you want to be.

Talk with your grandparents, stay at it.


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