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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - September 30th 2011, 06:00 PM

Basically my mum's best friend has a daughter who's 13. I like the girl and I do talk to her a lot. I suppose we are friends. I said the other day "I'll bring my friend along" to someone meaning her and they said it's a bit weird me hanging out with a 13 year old :| Is it?

I don't know. She acts older than 13 and it's not like I go out binge drinking all to time so I'm not really a "bad influence"

I was going to ask her if she wanted to come to my friend's house party tomorrow but now I'm thinking no as there will be drinking, people will probably have sex, there will probably be people smoking weed and it's not really for 13 year olds. I suppose the age gap is a bit strange :| Plus, she loves Justin Bieber That just reminds me there is an age gap.


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Re: Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - September 30th 2011, 06:06 PM

It's Ok to have friends of any age as long as you're both clear what the expectations are, and you, as the older are always aware of the power imbalance in the relationship and are extra careful about the extra responsibility you have and her vulnerability which results from all that.

So, you're showing excellent judgment there with your decision to not bring her to a party that is clearly inappropriate for her as it would expose her to things she's not ready to handle and could therefore be harmful to her.


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Re: Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - September 30th 2011, 08:25 PM

While it may seem a bit weird in some situations in others age doesnt make as much of a difference. With the age difference I know I would personally probably find it difficult to find times and places to hangout. That being said, someone I'd consider to be one of my closest friends around here is like 6 years older then me. The only difference is we're both legal age to drink and we can go to the movies or hangout at his place etc. though we usually just go to the movies or watch movies at his house. I guess in short no there isn't anything wrong with having friends who are a different age then you.

As far as inviting her to the house party I'd definitely say you'd be wise not to. Though she may seem older at times you've still got to remember that she is only 13 and that you, being the adult in the situation, would be responsible.
   
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Re: Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - September 30th 2011, 08:37 PM

If you like the girl and you get on well then age doesnt really matter. You can see her just on your own rather than worry about being a bad influence.
It's not completely the same but my best friend is 10 years older than me and we get stares but we don't even think about age.
   
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Re: Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - October 1st 2011, 04:14 AM

I have always had friends a lot younger or a lot older, I don't really get along with people in my age group very well. The younger kids think I'm this cool "grown up" person that knows all of these things, and I'm able to carry on intelligible conversations with older people.


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Re: Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - October 1st 2011, 06:20 AM

When I was 13, I went to a small party that had a good amount of drinking but the party was limited to only family, extended family and good family friends. I'd emphasize the drinking part though. Anyway, that was the first time I got drunk to such a point where I puked away and don't remember most of what happened once I started drinking away. My parents were not too thrilled, although they didn't yell at me as they clearly saw I was battling my first hangover.

I'd recommend you don't bring your 13-year old friend along, unless you want her to start drinking and her family to get pretty pissed off at you.

If I saw you, a 20 year old, hanging out with a 13 year old, I'd first think you were her older sister or baby-sitter, so I wouldn't find it inappropriate. However, if you then told me you're not part of her family, not her tutor, baby-sitter, teacher, or anything similar, I'd question why you two were together because the age gap would seem a bit unusual at first. Of course, when I imagine it, I think of you leading her around because she's younger but if you two were roughly equal in leading and you didn't seem to abuse the power balance, I'd think it was fine. Like I said, if I just saw you two together, my first thought would be you're the older sister and if not, then you're the baby-sitter or tutor.


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Re: Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - October 1st 2011, 11:26 AM

I wouldn't consider it weird. My best friend's about six years old; I'm fifteen, she's 21. I hear her drinking stories all the time. And it annoys her that she can't take me with her to the clubs :P

You just have to find out your own ways of having fun with them that is good for their age group as well as yours; and if they act older, for the next age group up.


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Re: Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - October 1st 2011, 07:26 PM

If you were a 20-year-old man hanging out with a 13-year-old girl... then yeah, I'd think it was pretty weird, to say the least. The way I see it, though, you're serving as a mentor for this girl. You may not be in the same life stage, but that doesn't mean you can't relate to each other on some levels. Like other members have already said, you need to remain aware of the differences and use your best judgement when inviting her to parties, planning get-togethers, etc. (no matter how mature she appears to be)... but I don't see why you can't hang out with her. =)






   
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Re: Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - October 1st 2011, 09:33 PM

I don't think it is weird at all. Just be aware of the differences and be careful when inviting her to parties and stuff. I think that it is wise that you don't bring her to this party. It's definitely not weird at all.


   
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Re: Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - October 3rd 2011, 04:04 PM

It's a little unusual, but if you get on well I don't think there's anything wrong with it, as long as you remember she is under 18. I've seen this kind of friendship before a few times.


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Re: Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - October 3rd 2011, 05:15 PM

I would say it's probably a bit odd, but I'm allowed to say that, because I'm 15, and some of my best friends are 18, 19, 20, 24 and er... 57. I might not be their best friends, but they're mine. And I totally accept how 'weird' that is

At the end of the day, if you get on really well, then why not be friends? <3
   
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Re: Is having a friend 7 years younger than you weird? - October 3rd 2011, 05:57 PM

I don't think it's weird at all. When I went camping, I was close to a girl who was fifteen, and I'm nineteen. She acts mature for her age, and doesn't engage in typical teenage drama, which I can appreciate greatly. You can be friends with whoever you want. No matter the age. This girl probably really look.s up to you, so she is probably really glad to have a friend that is like you. You're a great girl. Just enjoy her company. Don't let age influence the way you react towards this girl. Take care<3


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