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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
NevermindMe Offline
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A friend is back... - October 4th 2011, 03:06 AM

Imagine your perfect friend.

Mine is someone who plays the same video games as me, somewhat likes the same movies, shares similair moral values, reads (even if a little bit) likes similair music, and still opens me to new ideas.

Oh yes, I met my "best friend" two years ago. It was ideal. The thing is, one day he just disappeared. His house was sold, his email, facebook, youtube and any other accounts were deleted, he changed his cell number, his name wasn't anywhere on the internet or real world.

To give some backstory to this, his family was weird. They would leave town for days at a time with no notice. Comming and going at strange hours, and their house seemed to only act as a homebase before they were staying overnight somewhere else. I accepted this, friends need to be different to keep things interesting.

One day we were talking about what our parent's do for a living, and he wouldn't tell me what his dad did for work. He never gave me a straight answer. More strange things lead to another, until he eventually disappeared. I figured maybe his family was involved in witness protection program or something (this was the most logical assumption I could have made, considering all the strange behaviour.)

So he was gone for a year three months. Today he sent me a friend request on facebook, and to be honest I'm not sure if I want to accept it. He was my best friend for a good year, and I would love to talk again. But I felt that leaving the face of the planet without telling me was a HUGE betrayal of my trust, and of our friendship. I'm totally unsure of if I am overthinking a facebook friend request, or if I should take this seriously. To be honest I still feel burned, but getting my friend back IS what I wanted all along. Any advice apreciated.

- Justin

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Re: A friend is back... - October 7th 2011, 06:24 PM

I understand how hard it is to meet a best friend. They're rare. And it is especially hard when they exit out of our lives with sometimes no explanation. They way I look at it is..i've had a best friend for five years. She met knew friends..got a boyfriend..got into different things and completely left me behind but that was HER choice. She had the choice to abandon out friendship. But it seems as though your friend never had that choice..he probably didn't even want to. I'm sure he never meant to hurt you. By contacting you again is a sign that he still does care..
If he's going through something like witness protection then you really should try to sympathize with the guy. I'm sure it was hard on him to leave a best friend behind too. I'd say give it a shot and accept the request. Maybe just see how things go from there.
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Re: A friend is back... - October 8th 2011, 01:19 AM

He might not have had the opportunity to contact you before leaving. Maybe he came home from school, and his parents literally put him in the car and left that same day. If he's in a witness protection program, or if his parents are in trouble with the law, then you can hardly blame him for "going with the flow" and dealing with the situation as best he could at the time.

It's totally up to you... but if I were in your position, I would add him on Facebook, then see what he had to say for himself. If I thought the explanation was satisfactory, I'd work on repairing our friendship. If I didn't like what he had to say, I'd delete him and let life return to normal.

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Re: A friend is back... - October 8th 2011, 06:35 PM

In my opinion, you have to options right now.

Option #1 ) You can completely ignore the request all together. He broke your trust. You two were best friends, and he just up and left. Most people fear the people they care about most leaving. If it were me, I wouldn't let someone walk in an out of my life without a reason why. It would make me not want to trust the person. By letting it go, you can fully move on. While it still hurts, you wouldn't have to chance getting hurt again. That's just a possibility.

Option #2 ) You can accept his request. Seems obvious. I know. You could message him and let him know that him up and leaving really hurt your feelings, and betrayed your trust. Maybe give him a chance to explain himself. Like Robin said, he might of not even been able to contact you prior to him disappearing. you have to decide if you want to hear him out or not.

In all honesty, I would probably go with option number two. At least hear him out. It may not be what it seems to be. After talking to him, maybe then decide if it's worth keeping the friendship with him. Either way, put some good thought into it. That's all you can really do. Take care.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
NevermindMe Offline
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Re: A friend is back... - October 9th 2011, 02:59 AM

I added him, I talked a bit, and he refused to give me an explaination, but at least apologized and told me he's actually still in the country. Basically he told me a lot, but not much. I guess this backs up organized crime or witness protection program as possibilities. I don't know how I feel about this yet, but who knows, I'll give it a chance.

- Justin

"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
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