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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Just the icons!!! - October 17th 2011, 10:41 AM

I don't understand why people want to add me as a friend but don't bother talking to/caring about me. What is the point of keeping me in their friend lists, then?


It is not length of life, but depth of life.

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Re: Just the icons!!! - October 17th 2011, 11:59 AM

Well usually people add each other so they have the ability to stay in contact. If you are referring to Facebook, then they are able to see your posts so they can keep track of whats new with you. Sometimes its just nice to know you are connected with people you know.


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Re: Just the icons!!! - October 18th 2011, 05:14 AM

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Originally Posted by Melody View Post
Well usually people add each other so they have the ability to stay in contact. If you are referring to Facebook, then they are able to see your posts so they can keep track of whats new with you. Sometimes its just nice to know you are connected with people you know.

I don't completely agree with you. I don't see them make comments on my posts or drop a message greeting me. They don't even respond to my messages. If they valued me as a friend, they should not treat me like this.


It is not length of life, but depth of life.

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Re: Just the icons!!! - October 19th 2011, 02:50 AM

Then maybe it's just a popularity contest for them, Kristen. They want to see who can have the most friends. Maybe they're just nosy and want to know what you're up to, but they don't care enough to respond to your messages. Maybe they have time to read your posts, but not enough time to respond (lame, I know, but when you have 1000 "friends"...). The bottom-line is that I have NO IDEA why your friends are adding you, then ignoring you. Why don't you ask them why they're doing this? They may not even realize what they're doing until you bring it to their attention. If they still ignore you, remove them as your friend and be done with it. =)






   
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Re: Just the icons!!! - October 19th 2011, 09:31 AM

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Then maybe it's just a popularity contest for them, Kristen. They want to see who can have the most friends. Maybe they're just nosy and want to know what you're up to, but they don't care enough to respond to your messages. Maybe they have time to read your posts, but not enough time to respond (lame, I know, but when you have 1000 "friends"...). The bottom-line is that I have NO IDEA why your friends are adding you, then ignoring you. Why don't you ask them why they're doing this? They may not even realize what they're doing until you bring it to their attention. If they still ignore you, remove them as your friend and be done with it. =)

I don't have true friends but just those so-called "friends" who don't give a damn about me. I feel so alone in this world. My own opinions on myself is dependent on others' views about me, which means I would feel like killing myself if someone disliked me while I would feel a bit satisfied if she/he wanted to spend time with me.


It is not length of life, but depth of life.

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Re: Just the icons!!! - October 19th 2011, 06:15 PM

Well, it's natural to care about other people's opinions, especially when you're younger... but relying ENTIRELY on other people's opinions for your own happiness isn't healthy at all. I think you already recognize that, though, and I also know it's easier said than done to stop caring/care less about other people's opinions.

What really helped me was to separate myself from family members, friends, boyfriends, etc. and think about who I was as an individual... what my goals/dreams were, what my interests were, what I wanted to try while in high school/college, etc. I started pursuing the things that I believed would make me happier... and as I reached a higher level of happiness, I began to rely less and less on other people for that happiness. Yes, being lonely/feeling disconnected from others still affected me (it would affect ANYONE!), but my point is that I became more in control of my own life. It stopped revolving so heavily around other people.

I know you've probably been told this before by other members on TeenHelp (or maybe in "real life")... but I really do want to encourage you to explore your interests, and let the true friendships develop as a result of your exploring those new interests. If you focus on winning other people over, but you have little in common with them (interest or personality-wise), then those friendships are bound to be rather superficial. If you are pursuing an interest of yours, however, and you meet other people who share that same interest, then you'll already have something in common, and it'll be easier to connect with those people on a more personal/profound level later on. =)






   
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Re: Just the icons!!! - October 20th 2011, 11:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
Well, it's natural to care about other people's opinions, especially when you're younger... but relying ENTIRELY on other people's opinions for your own happiness isn't healthy at all. I think you already recognize that, though, and I also know it's easier said than done to stop caring/care less about other people's opinions.


What really helped me was to separate myself from family members, friends, boyfriends, etc. and think about who I was as an individual... what my goals/dreams were, what my interests were, what I wanted to try while in high school/college, etc. I started pursuing the things that I believed would make me happier... and as I reached a higher level of happiness, I began to rely less and less on other people for that happiness. Yes, being lonely/feeling disconnected from others still affected me (it would affect ANYONE!), but my point is that I became more in control of my own life. It stopped revolving so heavily around other people.

I know you've probably been told this before by other members on TeenHelp (or maybe in "real life")... but I really do want to encourage you to explore your interests, and let the true friendships develop as a result of your exploring those new interests. If you focus on winning other people over, but you have little in common with them (interest or personality-wise), then those friendships are bound to be rather superficial. If you are pursuing an interest of yours, however, and you meet other people who share that same interest, then you'll already have something in common, and it'll be easier to connect with those people on a more personal/profound level later on. =)

I have learned coping mechanism in therapy, but it is hard to apply it. I can't stop feeling depressed, sad and angry. I hate myself, everyone and my life...am losing control over myself and having the killing urges.


It is not length of life, but depth of life.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson
   
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