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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Roommates - December 7th 2011, 06:43 PM

Is it normal to have issues with people you live with. I live with three other girls and sometimes they are just mean...its like being on pins and needles sometimes because they freak out over little things like the kitchen...etc. I also feel left out a lot...any advice? this is really starting to break me down
   
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Re: Roommates - December 7th 2011, 09:19 PM

The majority of people I know have roommate issues. I haven't really personally dealt with this, I got extremely lucky with my roommates. However, it seems like most people I know have had issues with roommates regardless of whether they were friends previously or not. Have you tried talking to them about it, calmly? I'd also say it could depend on what things in the kitchen make them freak out. I could understand if they don't like the sink being full of dishes, but something like the salt being out of place would be a bit ridiculous.



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Re: Roommates - December 7th 2011, 09:22 PM

Yes it is perfectly normal to have arguments and problems with those you live with - and it is almost imposable not too, thats why they created reality shows that have people living together. Unfortunately, it will happen and the feeling left out part also happens.

To improve being left out I would personally just try to stay in rooms that I can be accessed in. Not my bedroom. Sit in the kitchen to eat instead of taking it to your bedroom; stay in the living room to watch TV instead of your bedroom. The more your out where people can be with you the more they will start including you and treating you as they treat the other girls. Don't close yourself off to much. If you do stuff like this - I think you will be shocked about the outcome.

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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Roommates - December 8th 2011, 02:02 AM

Totally normal. Being in such close contact with anyone is obviously going to bring up conflict (but can also form really close connections, so it's not all bad).

I find it hard to give advice beyond saying that it's the norm - you didn't really tell us much about what the problems are. What exactly are they freaking out about in the kitchen? Food rubbish? Dirty dishes? Shared/personal food issues? Fridge space? Bugs? Where things go? Man, I can think of over a dozen kitchen related conflicts I've had with roommates and the way each was resolved was different. In general, assertive communication is a solid route to try..

As far as feeling left out - is it that they do things in the house without you? schedule stuff for when you're busy so you can't come? invite everyone else out except you? etc... because in some cases, yeah, Chris is right, if you're in the communal areas of the house it's easier to socialize. But sometimes you have to insert yourself into stuff if you want to get out there and do things with them. And sometimes you honestly just have to deal with them having their own social circle and create your own independently.. were you friends before you moved in or are you just trying to become friends with them now? Also, how long have you been living together?
   
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Re: Roommates - December 13th 2011, 02:09 PM

With the kitchen its just rubbish like if i accidently splattered pancake mix and didnt notice/clean it up. And as far as being left out they invite everyone except me or will mention something they have had planned last minute and by that time i usually cant go anyways cos i have made my own plans. We have been living together since August now and I was good friends with the one girl and close acquaintances with the other two. It almost seems like I am having the most issues with the one im closest with though because she has become distant.
   
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Re: Roommates - December 14th 2011, 01:26 AM

Well like I said, I think just being out of your room, and hanging around int he kitchen or living room will open more doors. Also, when you go out start inviting them too! Don't always wait for them to invite you - you can invite them places as well! A friendship goes both ways - start being active alittle more with them. I know its harder said then done but you have to atleast attempt.

Best wishes,
Chris


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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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