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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Zentman J Offline
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Exclamation I hate her. But she has a crush on me. - December 10th 2011, 12:39 AM

I fucking hate her. So much. I don't like using hate, and maybe it's too strong for a word, but I don't like her. At all. She's annoying, immensely hyper all the time, and we have very little in common. She has terrible conversation skills in which she always asks the stupidest questions. "How are you" I'll reply with "Ok I guess" and she goes "Why just Ok?
I don't know why, but that just PISSES ME OFF. She pisses me off in general anyway.
I would tell her to leave me the fuck alone, but she has had a crush on me for a good month or so. She hasn't told me, but many friends have notified me, and she makes it DEAD obvious.
I'm a good person, and I've been in situations with crushes before. The last thing I would want is rejection. So putting myself in her shoes, telling her to fuck off would break my own heart like it would hers.
So I guess what I'm asking is, how do I get her off my back but be kind about it. Even though being kind isn't what I would like to do, it's what I feel is right. This needs to be resolved ASAP before I actually snap and go all "Fuck Off Bitch" on her.


Let nothing pass, for every hand
Must find some work to do,
Lose not a chance to waken love—
Be firm and just and true.
So shall a light that cannot fade
Beam on thee from on high,
And angel voices say to thee—
"These things shall never die."


~ Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
   
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Chris Offline
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Re: I hate her. But she has a crush on me. - December 10th 2011, 03:45 AM

I think there are only 2 ways to hint/tell her to leave you alone while being nice.

1) Stop talking so much to her - If she asks how you are doing, give short answers.
"How are you doing?"
"Good"
"What are you doing this weekend?"
"Sleeping alot"

Keep it simple, short, and nice - eventually after a few times of hearing the same thing over, she will get the hint that you do not like her.

2) Avoid her at all costs - NO CONTACT. I If you avoid her alot, then eventually she will just move on.

I would try #1 first because I believe that she really will get the hint after a few conversations, plus its the nicest thing that you could do without making her feel too bad.

Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: I hate her. But she has a crush on me. - December 10th 2011, 04:00 AM

I understand how you're feeling, because it can be frustrating to have someone bothering you. It's worse when you know they have feelings for you and you don't feel the same way. however, I urge you to try and keep your anger in check when it comes to this girl and try to take her feelings into account as well. Instead of one-wording her or completely ignoring her, you should have an honest chat with her. It will get your point across much easier and clearer than giving her anything to hold onto. I know you're angry at her but you need to be kind but firm. Try starting off with "Hey -name-, I need to talk to you about something. I don't think I'd be wrong to assume that you have feelings for me. It would be the wrong thing to do to lead you on so I have to say that I don't feel the same way. I'm very sorry." Or something to that effect. Just be polite and firm. Hopefully she won't be too upset. If she talks to you after that, you can kindly tell her you'd rather not talk very often without it being a big shock.
   
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Re: I hate her. But she has a crush on me. - December 18th 2011, 03:46 AM

You should just say it pretty much directly, but in a nice way. I understand what you mean, but you want to make sure that you don't hurt her feelings too much, but that you make it clear that you're not interested in talking to her.

Maybe you should bring up another girl, it works. Just say that you have a crush on some other girl, and maybe ask her for advice about it. Tell her you don't know how to tell the girl that you like her, but make it very obvious she's not the girl you're talking about. At this point, she'll realize, not too harshly, that at most you consider her a friend, and you're obviously not interested in her because you like someone else.

You could also say you're not looking for a relationship right now, or just tell her flat out, "I'm really sorry but I only like you as a friend. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but you're not my type and I hope you understand that the most I can ever see us being is friends." Yes, that'll hurt her at the time, but I assure you, she will get over it. If you're not clear about not liking her, she'll continue to make it obvious she likes you, and she'll get the wrong idea by you not saying you don't like her, she might think you do.
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