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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy Lost right now. (story in the post) - December 16th 2011, 02:57 AM

Okay, here's how I can explain my story.

I've been hanging around with my group of friends a lot during September and October this year and I have a good time with them. I have two best friends in that group. I have known them for 3-4 years and they were awesome. One day, one of my best friends in the group (female), who I was intending on dating later October, dated my other best friend (male, person A)before I had the chance to confess my feelings to her. I immediately started to become frustrated over how I blew a simple opportunity to date her and now she's been taken away. I became like this for 40 straight days, all pissed and not even willing to make a smile out of it. I became an extremely sad person and an angry person at the same time. What do my friends do? They don't do anything. They're too engrossed with the entire group. They don't care about my presence with them now.

This wasn't the only time I seen this as the case. Last year, when a group of newer 9th graders arrived at our high school, my best friends and I became good friends with them and our friendship with my two best friends became rather distant but I still hang around with them at the time and still had a good time. Now, it gets tougher to be friends with them again because they have been doing so well with the other people they met and I tried being friends with them as well.

Now I just don't even hang around with them anymore and I began to feel completely lost in the entire group. The group has been doing so well without me right now. I became an invisible person to them. I was invited to their new year's party, but why should I!? I feel like I wouldn't be of anything awesome to the group. I'm just a non-fun guy to them right now. Right now, I have to move on and make some newer friends and get a move on. This really sucks having to endure this since my best friends go to school and I have classes with them. Right now, I just try my best to ignore them right now.

I know this story sounds like I'm a guy who really wants attention, but this is just how I feel. If you can criticize me for saying this story, go for it.

Last edited by Blue Yoshi; December 16th 2011 at 02:58 AM. Reason: Typo + additions.
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Re: Lost right now. (story in the post) - December 17th 2011, 02:20 AM

Unfortunately everyone will lose friends, thats just how life works.

I'm just going to be honest here, so take it for what it is worth.

I think that you are blaming other people more than you should be blaming yourself. As you said, you blew it. Mistakes happen, and now that you made a big one you know to take opportunities - most importantly you know to take risks.

I also think that maybe you are blaming your group of friends way to much. I think you are just so frustrated that they don't want negative energy in the group (which trust me, they can tell when someone brings negative energy). You said they are happy without you, and seem to be doing things without you as well... But on the other hand you told me that you are tying to ignore them as much as possible... Maybe they have realized that you are distancing yourself from them?

I think you need to sit down and think alittle - you are blaming the group of friends for you not taking an great opportunity by telling your feelings to this girl and in your eyes they 'are happy without you', but these friends OBVIOUSLY still want to be friends with you since they invited you to a party.

I think you are just so mad, angry, and disappointed with not being able to tell this girl your feelings and have a relationship with her. Some people cope with anger, disappointment, etc in all different ways - you happen to find it easier to ignore and move on.

You don't have to be friends with them - its your choice. I just want you to realize that you need to learn to forgive friends, and most importantly yourself.

Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Lost right now. (story in the post) - December 17th 2011, 05:13 AM

chrisjackson911, I actually understand on your viewpoint. And to be fair here, my reason sounds very stupid for distancing a friendship. But that's how I think when I'm in this situation. I become more irrational and illogical.

(Illogical reason warning ahead. Comment if needed. It'll help a lot. =) )

Yes, I know I blew an opportunity and it does feel like I'm blaming the group for all this. It hasn't been easy though to be honest because it seems that everytime I see her, I become angry and begin to think negative thoughts in my head and the more I think about it, the more furious I actually end up instead. It's hard to not help but end up seeing her sometime in the hallway and even during one of my classes, thinking negative thoughts in my head.

She is however, the main person in the group that helps bring the group together.

What's even worse is that I see her in the hallways a lot during the week, which kinda pisses me off a lot because whenever I see her and her new boyfriend, it mocks me a lot because again, I blew that opportunity.

But what I guess that I'm trying to say is, I can't help but distance my friendship between them. I just can't help it. Me and almost the entire group has been in a major disagreement up to this point. I know what I did was a GREAT opportunity to start a relationship and it all went away in a blink. Goodness, I'm beginning to sound like an idiot now because of how much I'm realizing all of what has happened in the past few years with my relations to the group and how blowing an opportunity to have a relationship with her is now GONE. That last event was the final blow to me to be honest.

Also, even if I was invited, she and her new boyfriend would start having their loves of affection during the party, which does not help my ordeal at all. I'm not kidding, it doesn't help.

I hate having conflicting thoughts running through my head as of now. It happens all the time lately, and there's no way to stop the conflicting thoughts. It recurs itself saying "Hang out with them." and the other saying "Are you nuts? Don't bother! You'll know what's going to happen anyway!". That's really what I've been thinking. Choose one or the other.

But seriously though, thanks for helping out. It was much appreciated, Chris. =)
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Re: Lost right now. (story in the post) - December 17th 2011, 05:34 AM

Thanks for explaining more in detail. From what I read I think that you need to do what makes you happy - and it seems like whenever your around her and those friends, you aren't happy one bit.

So, now I do understand your situation better and I DO agree with you distancing yourself from her and them. I think that you will begin to feel better once you start getting over her, and once you start building new friendships and just living your own life.

Think about what is best for yourself - then act on it.

In my personal opinion, I wouldn't go to that party - I think it will do more harm than good in this situation.

Please keep me updated. I'm here for you.

Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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