Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Haven't seen her in 5 months..I don't even want to anymore.

[brokensmilexx]

So long story short my best friend I had for like 9 years and I got in a huge fight. Because she had feelings for me and I didn't know and we did shit annd she took it as it meant something, and it didn't.. so she basically shit talked me to a bunch of people, and then pushed me out of her life saying she didn't want to talk to me.
I understand that I did something wrong, but so did she.. but anyways 5 months later she apologizes, and so have I. Cause I really didn't mean to ruin our friendship. But now I feel like she expects us to be back like we used to.. and I can feel our friendship won't ever be like that again.
She wants to hang out this weekend and honestly I don't even want to see her. I don't want to talk to her, I just don't care.
I've changed a lot in the past 5 months. I've stopped cutting, I've been getting out of my depression, I've even started eating decent amounts of food..I like myself now. I accept myself, I'm fucking proud of myself, I'm not as self conscious and I'm way more independent. I've learned to depend on no one and nothing but myself. I'm actually happy with my life..
To be honest, the apologize were necessary but they don't fix what happened. I don't even feel like it makes a difference that were on talking terms now.. I don't want to talk to her.
If I see her this weekend its going to be weird. I don't even want to see her..
Our friendship wont ever be the same and I know it. Like I have trust issues and she was the only one I told stuff to..and she walked right out of my life. Now she just wants to walk right back in? Why would I ever want to share part of my life with her again..
I'm so confused and uuuurgh! > . <

[Amberpamber]

I understand where you're coming from. Maybe though it will be worth giving things a decent shot again. You might find that you can put all of that behind you and actually maybe even become better friends. You won't know till you at least try though.

[PSY]

I think you touched upon an important point: just because someone apologizes, and just because you've forgiven someone, doesn't mean that you can/should necessarily become friends again. It's great that this person has tried to make amends, but that does NOT mean that you have to let her become close to you again. I would take some time to figure out what you really want, and then tell this person what you want from her. If you don't want her friendship, then I would find a polite way to convey that... for example, "I am truly grateful for your apology, but I am ready to move on. While it's true that everything is 'in the past,' that doesn't change what happened. I'm sorry, but at this point in time, I'm not interested in becoming friends again."

[Iris. ♥]

If you don't want to be friends with her anymore, don't be. I'm glad that the two of you apologized and that you have forgiven each other. If that's all you want, then don't put any more effort into the friendship. Let her know that you're glad the two of you made up, but nothing will ever be the same. As long as the two of you stay civilized to each other, then I think it's safe for you to go your separate ways.