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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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dani99 Offline
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Name: Danielle
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Unhappy Desperate to rekindle this friendship - February 19th 2012, 09:17 PM

This is horrible. I can't think right anymore, and I think I may be a little too obsessive to the guy I call my best friend. His name is Sebastian. He's a year older than I am, and we have to this day known eachother for two and a half years now, but I still feel obligated to call him my best friend. Although, he doesn't call me the same (or, well, I am "one" of his "best friends", as he says.) He's helped me through a lot, and here is the story through a message that I sent to him recently that explains why he is my best friend. Forgive me, this whole thing is lengthy.

Ok, I just wanted to tell you that you're my best friend. You really really are. Even if we never talk, you really are one of the best friends I've ever had. I do wish we could talk more, and I'm sorry if I've driven you away by seeming so clingy. I can say this much - I've gotten over being in love with you. But I haven't gotten over being/wanting to be close to you (again) like we were before all of that stupid mess happened. I keep replaying how we even got here in the first place....and it's just...I don't know...

Remember when we started talking in the first place? Like...I used to be scared of you to death (because I didn't know of your awesomness, plus guys scared the shit outta me in middle school ). I still to this day don't really know how on earth you got my number (either from Ivy...or you're just a stalker, lol). But you called me and I wasn't able to answer. But I called you back and was all "Uh...who is this?" and surprisingly enough, it was you. I seriously was a little creeped out at first because...I barely knew you except for talking a little through Ivy and maybe once or twice over facebook, but I never expected a random call from you.

You were calling because you had a feeling things weren't right between you and Ivy, which they weren't. And then I felt really bad because...even if I was a little scared of you, I knew that you didn't deserve to be upset like that. So I wanted to talk to you and see if I could make you feel better. I knew I had my own problems, but I really didn't want you to be upset. So I tried to be there and listen to you.

We started talking a lot more every day, and the calls got even longer after you two broke up. I remember you even started to write a song about how you felt about the situation and you let me listen. I thought it was like the coolest thing since sliced bread. I knew it might have been a little awkward when I started saying "I love you" after the first two or three weeks, since you explained to me that you didn't really like to just throw saying that around. I understood that though, and I was really ok with it. But I'd still say it because...well...I thought it might make you feel a little better if you knew that there was someone that really really was there for you.

I think it didn't take long before I started getting a little more open with you....I didn't tell you right off the bat my whole life, but just enough for you to get the point that I was struggling with some depression. It felt nice that you actually listened and talked to me. It was so amazing....you actually talked to me about it. Gave me advice! You weren't like every other person saying "Oh..sorry...be happy" and leave it at that. You talked to me for hours and you'd make me feel so much better about certain situations and you'd also make me laugh sometimes.

The one time you texted me and told me that you'd be my shoulder to cry on. Nobody had ever told me that before, so it made me feel so happy. I never deleted it from my phone because I could look at it and smile because someone actually cared enough to be there for me. And it didn't seem like you were only there because you felt like you'd seem like an ass if you didn't try to help. It /felt/ like you were there because you honestly wanted to help me out. I had never met someone like that. To be honest, for the first time in a very long time I didn't feel alone.

But yeah, I never deleted that text for a long time. That night at rehersathon, I wasn't thinking and let Ivy creep through my phone. It never hit me that she would see that text and get unhappy about it. I knew I might have started a little unintended drama there, but you were still there for me and it made me feel a lot better.

After about....I want to say maybe two months or so, if I had to guess- I started to like you a little. I didn't expect any mutual feelings, but I told you I was starting to have a little crush on you. I was shocked the next day when you brought it up again and told me that you sort of felt like that too just a little, but you weren't ready to jump into a relationship because you weren't over Ivy and plus we didn't fully know eachother. But I was really really ok with that. I really was. I was more happy that I had an actual person who cared. I thought it was so cool.

Then we'd talk from like 6 - 4 in the morning. You'd play for me and sing for me. I always thought that was really really nice because nobody has ever done that for me.

And then you got me help. I loved that like crazy. You told me to do something that lead to me getting help...I'm amazed. If it weren't for your convincing, I might have not talked to Mr.Rose which...yeah. You know the rest of that. And when I got out of the hospital, you were still there for me. You still cared about me. You still did everything for me, which I knew was the best thing in the world.

But then things started getting a little more serious. We were talking more and I think I fell in love at the moment you said "I know I kid around and say I love you in a friendly way, but I really do love you". I think that was what won me over. I don't think I had a reason not to love you. I knew you were perfect in everyway. Aside from you having the best taste in music and you being all smexy and amazing at like...everything. But I think I fell in love with how you cared so much about me. Because you made me feel so important and happy.

Then it got to that point that we tried to be a little intimate with each other. Part of me told me that I shouldn't have agreed to it...but I thought "Hey...he's done so much for me already and he's perfect in every way. How can I turn this down? He's never been anything but so good to me..." so I didn't object to it. And what really impressed me what even through the sexual conversations, you were still so sweet and caring with me so I knew deep inside that you honestly cared about me and weren't looking for an easy blowjob or something.

You always gave me butterflies when you said you loved me. I loved how you'd talk about us looking at the stars together. I loved how you'd talk about holding me and cuddling with me. I'd always feel safe from everything, including my depression.

I think I might have pushed it a little too far. But at the same time, I think we really...really...really got to know each other. There has never been another person who knows me as well as you do, because I'd never bother going into that much detail. Now that I think back on it, I think it might have been a good idea that we never did end up in a relationship, no matter how much I wanted to be in one so so so so bad. Because when you decided to stop the sexual talk and just be friends because of Aubrey (don't get me wrong, she's a cool chick. Just sayin)...it was just really hard for me to get over.

I hope you see why I feel so attached to you and why I have the need to be close with you. I want to be one of your best friends like you're mine. You mean so much to me because you've given me a taste of happiness. I've gotten over being in love with you but I haven't gotten over loving you in general. You're like a brother to me, and I wish we can be as close as we were before (minus the sexual part). I know I probably have made it awkward for you these last few months trying to push how much I was in love with you. I think it was because I'm just desperate to have you back. But now, it's not even about having you back like that. I just need you back in my life in general. As one of my best friends. Just like we used to be.

There's a reason for everything, I know that much. I'm pretty aware you're not into the whole religious idea (neither am I, I've just got my simple beliefs)---but...I think god intended that one night for you to...for some reason...call a strange girl you didn't even know and spill all of your feelings out to her. Because of that night, my life is so much better than how it used to be.

I know what you'll probably say. Is that you understand. That you're sorry that you're not here more. That life has been busy for you. That you're happy to have made a difference....I'm sorry, Sebastian - you've just become predictable lately with your responses. I know it's not my place to demand more, but it would make it more believable that I had a chance of having you back as a friend if you'd say something else for a change. God, I love you to pieces and bits sweetie. But lately, it just seems like the past will always just be the past and never the present. It kind of hurts, and I long to be able to talk to you more. To get more than the same old answer. I understand life is busy for you now...but...I miss the days where you would make room for me. Because it seems ever since Aubrey, your life has become nothing but busy.

Sorry for the lengthy email, but I've got loads on my mind. This is something I wrote earlier out of my frustration and built up emotions.

It passes us by without a farewell. What could it be?
It slips us by like an unspoken death, and we can't seem to find it's cause. What could it mean?
It once brought you and me close like two threads of string tied together in a knot.
What seemed to be inseparable, it came back for us just as fast and cut the thread with a blade of the days that trickled by. How can it be?

You once were the one that would hold me close.
You once were the one that would tell me it would be okay.
But it came and pulled you away from me, and now I can never hear those words again.
How is it that it can take you away from me?
How does it do it so? Is it commanded by life and space? Is it told to tear us apart?

I cannot feel it.
I cannot touch it.
Nor can I see, hear, or taste it.
But it still brings me much pain.
How does it bring me so much pain?
When it used to bring me so much happiness?

How does it slip by?
How did it creep in by night
and the next day had you gone from my grasp?
Just how? Just why?
You once were a friend in my eye
Now we're strangers
I can't see why.

Like a shadow that once lay out in the sun
now covered by threads of night
it brings you around, yet you're still never here.
I keep hoping the sun will arrive once more
so I can see you again.
It keeps on coming and going
and I'm afraid it might not bring you back.
My friend, all I've got to do is ask you why
you came and and then went with this thing called time?


I have a small feeling that this might drive you away even more. But if you're still the same Sebastian I knew that one night we were strangers spilling everything out to eachother, maybe you'll come back around so we can be just like we used to be. Ok, I'll stop typing now. I love you so much <3 Even if this doesn't change your mind, I'll be here waiting until the day it does. Because love never ever dies.

I'm not going to put the long long reply that he sent back, but he basicly told me how he was jusy busy and that he felt real bad because I really am his friend and that he's so caught up with his gauitar and getting ready to use that to get into a music college and everything. But that was in mid January, and we only talked for a week. I haven't talked to him let alone see him for a month. And it's hard because my mom doesn't like him for the reason listed above and it's hard for me to even see him. But he's helped me through a lot... :/ I mean a lot a lot. I need some advice.


Just a girl with an angel above, just a girl with an angel to love. My angel grew wings and she did dare to fly. But I promise my angel, it's only good night but never good-bye. My angel, my angel in heaven above. My angel, my darling, you'll always have my love. Rest in peace, my sweet darling, it's only temporary that we part. My angel, my angel, how you still do steal my heart </3



Last edited by dani99; February 20th 2012 at 02:44 AM. Reason: Potentially offensive material.
   
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Chelley Offline
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Re: Desperate to rekindle this friendship - February 23rd 2012, 04:46 AM

the only thing i can think of to say is that you've made a serious effort to have him back in your life, to have things like they used to be. But the thing is he needs to do that too. you mentioned that he's busy and that he apolgized. and that it's hard to see him because your mom doesnt like him. but dont wait for someone that doesnt make a serious effort to be your friend despite any obstacles. because you're only going to hurt yourself. it seems like you have said and done everything you can. now it's his turn. but dont wait for him, if he doesnt take that chance. move on and find someone who will. i know it'll be really hard to let him go because of everything he's done for you. but sometimes this happens, dont blame yourself.
i'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear.
   
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dani99 Offline
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Re: Desperate to rekindle this friendship - February 27th 2012, 01:45 AM

Ive tried moving on but I'm so lonley and I'm desperate for a best friend, and I know how he was like that. I want that back so bad. I talked to him last weekend and he said he was so happy to talk to me again and I was happy, too, but we haven't talked since then.


Just a girl with an angel above, just a girl with an angel to love. My angel grew wings and she did dare to fly. But I promise my angel, it's only good night but never good-bye. My angel, my angel in heaven above. My angel, my darling, you'll always have my love. Rest in peace, my sweet darling, it's only temporary that we part. My angel, my angel, how you still do steal my heart </3


   
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