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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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charliew1994 Offline
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My family is falling apart - February 20th 2012, 09:38 PM

Ever since I started high school, me and my dad have had a rocky relationship. I guess it was because I was a teenager, had a mind of my own and a bit of an attitude. Dad scares me, in fact, he scares a lot of people. He's intimidating, stubborn and outspoken. For the last few years our typical fall outs have always been he TELLS me to do something, he doesn't ask, he says do this now, then after you can do that. Then i'll roll my eyes or say 'ok in a minute' and he'll completely flip. He says 'who do you think you're talking to?' and 'show me some respect'. We fall out over the tiniest things and I hate it, because there's a totally different side to him that I love. Playful, caring, loyal and we get on so well when he's in a good mood, but when he's miserable, everyone pays for it. Me, my sister and even my mum feel like we're treading on eggshells when we know he's moody.
Anyway, I guess I should get to my main problem.
Earlier this evening, I was sat in my room and he barged in and asked if I'd got my little sister a present (it's her birthday tomorrow). I said I hadn't yet because I've been busy and I'd get her one tomorrow after college because I finish early and I'd get it before she's home from school. So he took my downstairs, told my mum that I hadn't got her a present and went ballistic. He called me a selfish fucking bitch and swore over and over at me. I thought he was being unfair so I gave him a look as if to say 'You're out of order'. Then all hell broke loose. He walked over to me, started shouting in my face so I held my hands out as if to say 'What have I done that's so terrible?' and he pushed me over onto the floor and I hit my head on the the wall.
My mum saw all this and threw him out. It wasn't the first time he'd pushed me, and she said if he did it again he was gone. As he packed his bags, he was shouting 'see what you've done?', 'you're the reason this family is falling apart you little bitch'.
I feel awful. I've been crying for the last hour, and I don't want you to feel sorry for me because I know it's partly my fault. I was selfish and didn't think about my sister, I should've got her a present way sooner. My mum always says I'm selfish and I thought about it and realised I probably have been, I hardly ever do anything selflessly for my family and I'm so ashamed of that.
I don't know what to do. Between me and my dad we've torn the family apart. Please help me, I love my mum to bits but I can tell she hates me right now, doesn't even want to look at me. And it's my little sister's 7th birthday tomorrow and I've totally ruined it for her, not to mention my 4 year old brother who's best friend is my dad, they do everything together.
I just want to make things right

Last edited by Chris; February 20th 2012 at 10:12 PM. Reason: Added: Non-PG13 (Strong Language)
   
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Chris Offline
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Re: My family is falling apart - February 20th 2012, 10:24 PM

I'm sorry you feel you are selfish - because from what I just read, it doesn't seem that way. You were going to give her a present. You had the intention to do it. End of story. Your not selfish because you should have done it earlier, it just means that you didn't have time, and most people would understand that.

Your dad seems like a Jerk. In my opinion, I think he needs help, and I wouldn't be surprised if he had a drinking problem. I was beat as a kid, so I know how you blame yourself after getting pushed, or hit. Its not your fault, it really isn't. No father or mother should hit/beat/touch there kids in any threatening way.

Don't feel like you have caused any of this because you haven't. Your father and mother have. Your dad with his verbal and physical abuse, and your mom with continuing to allow him to do it, is what is tearing this family apart.


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: My family is falling apart - February 23rd 2012, 01:22 AM

Ummm your not selfish at all! You were going a present ( I get a present for someone on their birthday all the time, no your dad just doesn't want to face and own up to the face that he has a temper and a bad one at that. Do not feelbad about your sister or brother, becasue if your dad treated you like that then I believe your mother must of known that he might treat your brother and sister like that in a fit of rage also. But it sounds more like your dad understands males better than females , and therefore thinks it's okay to harm you. Just think what would of happen if you hit your head not on a wall but on a picture frame ( the glass would or cut up your face).
You are NOT to blame ok, unless you have a remote control that can control want your father does than your not at fault, that HE decided to raise his hand and lose control. So to fix things is simple talk with your mom tell her your sorry for upseting dad, and ask her if she is mad at you ( she might not be).
And for you father, anger management should help him, and maybe after he finishes( it takes about 2-6 months) he can rejoin the family.
   
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